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DOCTOR WHO
THE TALONS OF WENG-CHIANG

Written by
Robert Holmes

Part Five

(Overlap from the cab peeling away from Litefoot's house)

[EXT. Outside Litefoot's house]

(The DOCTOR and LEELA come upon the policeman's body and bend down next to it.)
LEELA: Doctor!
(The DOCTOR pulls the axe out of the officer's corpse and stands.)
DOCTOR: Litefoot's got visitors.
(The two head for the house.)

[INT. Litefoot's dining room]

(The DOCTOR stops at the laundry basket and places his cane in it. He opens the door to the dining room and enters. This rouses LITEFOOT.)
DOCTOR: Ni-hau ma! What happened?
LITEFOOT: (standing) Chinese, dozens of them.
DOCTOR: What?
LITEFOOT: (swaying and sitting back down) Ah, the devils.
DOCTOR: Well, they got what they came for.
LEELA: What?
DOCTOR: The time cabinet.
LITEFOOT: Damn scoundrels.
DOCTOR: Get him a drink.
(LEELA removes the stopper from the crystal decanter that sits next to two empty glasses and takes a sniff. She is going to pass the decanter to LITEFOOT.)
DOCTOR: In a glass, in a glass. (as she obeys) Professor, how did they get in?
LITEFOOT: I've, I've no idea. I locked and bolted all the doors as soon as you left. (taking the glass) Thank you, my dear.
(The DOCTOR steps into the hallway. He tears off a laundry label.)
DOCTOR: Were they all Chinese?
LITEFOOT: Tong-wallahs. Criminals. The gutter-scrapings of Shanghai.
DOCTOR: And one midget.
LITEFOOT: Yes. My dear Doctor, how on Earth did you deduce that one of my attackers was a midget?
DOCTOR: Elementary, my dear Litefoot. He came in the laundry basket and let the others in.
LEELA: The same creature that attacked me!
DOCTOR: The Peking Homunculus.
LITEFOOT: Who?
DOCTOR: Yes, the time of manufacture, its disappearance, it all fits.
LEELA: Doctor, what is the Peking Hu...
DOCTOR: Homunculus.
LEELA: Homunculus.
DOCTOR: It was made in Peking for the commissioner of the Icelandic Alliance. It was in the Ice Age, about the year five thousand.
LITEFOOT: Preposterous.
LEELA: Sshh. Go on, Doctor.
DOCTOR: The Peking Homunculus was a toy, a plaything for the commissioner's children. It contained a series of magnetic fields operating on a printed circuit and a small computer. It had one organic component - the cerebral cortex of a pig. Anyway, something went wrong. It almost caused World War Six.
LITEFOOT: What?
DOCTOR: Yes, somehow the pig part took over. So Weng-Chiang has brought the Peking Homunculus back through time. He could have done. It disappeared completely. It was never found.
LITEFOOT: Well, I say, I may have had a bang on the head, but this is a dashed queer story. Time travel?
DOCTOR: Unsuccessful time travel, Professor. Findicker's discovery of the double nexus particle sent human science up a technological cul-de-sac.
LITEFOOT: Are you following this?
LEELA: Not a word.
DOCTOR: This pig thing is still alive. It needs an operator, of course, but the mental feedback is so intense that somehow the swinish instinct has become dominant. It hates humanity, and it revels in carnage.

[INT. House of the Dragon]

(MR SIN and WENG-CHIANG stand in front of a gold dragon statue in a spacious room. Several COOLIES wheel the time cabinet in, across a black tiled floor. They prostrate themselves.)
WENG-CHIANG: Liberation, Mister Sin! Freedom! I can become whole again, whole and alive! Oh, how I have dreamt of this moment, to be free of this putrefying carcass, to fashion myself anew in some distant time and place. And I can do it now, now that at last I have the time cabinet. I promise you, Mister Sin, we shall not remain long among these filthy barbarians. But where is the bag? Answer me, you fools! Where is the bag?
HO: It was-. We did not-
WENG-CHIANG: The bag, you cowering oaf!
HO: It was left behind, great lord.
WENG-CHIANG: What? What! (approaching Chang's ASSISTANT, who kneels beside HO) Lee! Lee, I told you to take it out to the carriage! I ordered you! You know the penalty for failing me.
(As LEE cowers, his back nearly against the floor, WENG-CHIANG produces an ivory pillbox, opens it, and holds it out.)
WENG-CHIANG: Take the sting of the scorpion.
(In terror, LEE takes the pill in a shaky hand and slowly places it in his mouth. When he bites down, he clutches at his jaw. As he writhes in pain, WENG-CHIANG and MR SIN laugh evilly.)

[INT. Litefoot's dining room]

(The DOCTOR is examining the Limehouse Laundry label.)
DOCTOR: Rundall Buildings.
LITEFOOT: What?
DOCTOR: (holding out the label to him) Your laundry. Do you know the place?
LITEFOOT: I've heard of it. Well, everyone has. It's the centre of one of the most noxious and evil rookeries in the East End.
DOCTOR: And where exactly is this disreputable quarter?
LITEFOOT: It lies somewhere between Whitechapel and St Georges in the East, a place of appalling vice and squalor. Overdue for clearance in my opinion.
DOCTOR: Yes, it might be cleared very quickly.
LITEFOOT: What do you mean?
DOCTOR: Weng-Chiang is a scientific ignoramus. He doesn't understand the nature of zigma energy.
LITEFOOT: Zigma energy?
DOCTOR: Yes. The power source of the time cabinet is a zigma beam. At the moment, it's like a piece of elastic fully stretched, but when Chiang tampers with it-
LEELA: Then he must be stopped. Do you think he's gone to this laundry?
DOCTOR: Well, there's only one way to find out. Litefoot, I want you to stay here. (to LEELA) Come on.
LITEFOOT: (quietly and urgently) Doctor, you can't take a young woman into that foulness. At this hour of night, she'll witness the vilest scenes of depravity and degradation.
DOCTOR: Nothing as vile as Weng-Chiang himself, Professor.
(The DOCTOR heads out, joining LEELA.)

[INT. Theatre, cellar]

JAGO: Think large, Henry Jago, think large. Shilling a head? I must be crazy. A guinea a head! Conducted tours round the lair of the phantom. I'll lead them myself and modestly mention the part I played in the affair. The ladies will swoon in my arms. Oh, it's a winner. It's a beauty! I'll go bail. I'll clear out all this old junk, call in the electric lighting company.
(He finds the carpet bag amidst the items strewn about, and he bends down to inspect it.)
JAGO: What in the name of heavens is-
(He stands in time to see a bloody, grotesque hand emerge from the entrance to the secret laboratory. Still carrying the bag, he retreats.)

[INT. Limehouse Laundry attic]

(We pan up from a 'LIMEHOUSE LAUNDRY' hamper to a skylight, which the DOCTOR opens. LEELA jumps down into the room, and he starts to follow.)
DOCTOR: Not a sound. Now quiet.
(His own landing manages to create a clatter.)

[INT. Litefoot's hallway]

(LITEFOOT is sweeping up the remnants of a vase when he hears insistent banging at the door. Carrying the dustpan and brush with him, he goes to answer it.)
JAGO: (entering) Thank you. Kindly tell your employer that Mister Jago wishes to see him urgently.
LITEFOOT: What?
JAGO: Your employer, Professor Litefoot. Come along, man. Hurry. Chop-chop.
LITEFOOT: May I ask, sir, who you are?
JAGO: Confound your insolence, sir. Just announce me.
LITEFOOT: Consider yourself announced, sir. I'm Litefoot.
JAGO: Why, dash me optics. I should have realised. That brow, those hands. England's peerless premier professor of pathology. (doffing his hat) Henry Gordon Jago, sir, at your service.
LITEFOOT: Mister Jago, just tell me what all this is about.
JAGO: The Doctor.
LITEFOOT: Hmm?
JAGO: And this bag.
LITEFOOT: Eh?
JAGO: Shall we go inside?

[INT. Litefoot's dining room]

(JAGO has preceded LITEFOOT, who grabs a walking stick and follows.)
JAGO: Found this in my cellar. Thought the Doctor might be interested. It could have something to do with those Chineses.
LITEFOOT: Chinese?
JAGO: Yes. I had thought of communicating directly with Scotland Yard, where, as you know, he's held in the highest esteem.
LITEFOOT: The Doctor is?
JAGO: Oh yes, of course. It's my opinion he solves half their cases and then lets them take the credit for it, don't you agree?
LITEFOOT: I have no idea.
JAGO: Oh, why, it stands to reason. I mean, they're policemen. We all know they're solid, sterling fellows, but their buttons are the brightest thing about them, don't you agree? Now, the Doctor's a real detective.
LITEFOOT: Yes, he's certainly very active. How did you learn of my connection with him, Mister Jago?
JAGO: Well, I enquired at the local station, and they told me that you'd been seen together. The most formidable combination in the annals of criminology. It's a great honour and privilege for me to be working with you on this devilish affair.
LITEFOOT: Ah. Oh, well, thank you. Yes, well, I'm sure the Doctor will be very interested in these things. Unfortunately, he isn't here at present.
JAGO: I know, the sleuth that never rests, eh?
LITEFOOT: Well, he did remark that sleep is for tortoises. You know, Mister Jago, I can't for the life of me discern what purposes these articles might serve.
JAGO: It's a queer lot of paraphernalia. I thought so meself.
LITEFOOT: And you think they were set aside by Weng-Chiang, this murderous lunatic the Doctor is now hunting?
JAGO: Well, they're nothing to do with the theatre, I'm sure of that. I found the bag amongst a pile of our old junk.
LITEFOOT: In that case, Mister Jago, is it not possible that someone plans to return for it?
JAGO: Yes, yes, good point. We must tell the Doctor.
LITEFOOT: Or take a hand ourselves.
JAGO: Why?
LITEFOOT: Well, the Doctor isn't here. If you and I keep a discreet watch on the theatre, we might get a chance to nab this fellow, should he return.
JAGO: You're suggesting a pernoctation, Professor, but, alas, unfortunately, the nocturnal vapours are very bad for my chest.
LITEFOOT: Oh, come on, man, you can wrap up. I'll lend you some extra clothing.
JAGO: Very kind, I'm sure.
LITEFOOT: Now, you write a note to the Doctor - you'll find pen and paper in that drawer - and I'll look you out a cape. We might be lucky, Mister Jago. And if we are, I've a few lumps to repay. (He closes the door.)

[INT. Limehouse Laundry]

(A piece of paper slowly slides under the door. This is the DOCTOR's doing. He carefully pushes the key on the other side of the door out of the lock, so it falls onto the piece of paper. He retracts the piece of paper and collects the key. He and LEELA pass through the door and enter the room on the other side, where there are beds.)
LEELA: That smell, it's like decaying fruit.
DOCTOR: Papaver somniferum.
LEELA: What?
DOCTOR: Pipe of poppy. It's opium, a narcotic drug.
(He parts a light curtain and goes through.)
DOCTOR: Ah, we've found another warren. Weng-Chiang will show his hand again.
LEELA: More girls.
DOCTOR: Yes. He'll try to build his body levels before he has to use the zigma beam. He'll kill again tonight, but where?
(He goes through another curtain.)
CHANG: (on a bed, smoking opium intently) At the House of the Dragon, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Good evening, Mister Chang. We thought you'd gone to join your ancestors.
CHANG: Not yet. Not quite.
LEELA: Your leg!
(She refers either to his missing leg or to the stump on the other side.)
CHANG: A singular sight, I fear. It is too late, Doctor, and I feel no pain. The opium.
LEELA: How did you get away?
CHANG: When the rat took my leg, I regained consciousness in a charnel house, putrefying human remains.
DOCTOR: Yes, rats don't keep a very hygienic larder.
CHANG: I lay there, Doctor, and cursed Weng-Chiang, my benefactor, who had brought me to this fate. Hatred of him gave me the strength to drag myself away. The rats had gone. I came here to destroy the false god - the last act of the Great Chang.
LEELA: You should have done that before.
CHANG: I believed in him. For many years I believed in him.
DOCTOR: It was a good act, Chang.
CHANG: Until he shamed me. I lost face. The whole theatre saw my failure.
DOCTOR: Tell me about the House of the Dragon.
(LEELA bends down beside the DOCTOR to listen.)
CHANG: Next month, the Great Chang would have performed before the Queen Empress at Buckingham Palace. I, the son of a peasant.
DOCTOR: The House of the Dragon, where is it?
CHANG: It is his fortress, prepared over many months by the Tong. Beware the eye of the dragon, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Li H'sen, come on, come on.
CHANG: Soon I shall join my ancestors. Already I can see them. They walk to greet me from the Palace of Jade. They are smiling and carry gifts of food and flowers. Now I cross the golden bridge of the gods. (His eyes are rolling back to view what only he can see.)
DOCTOR: Li H'sen! Come on, man, the house.
CHANG: B-, b-
(The DOCTOR grabs CHANG's wrists as he starts falling back on the bed.)
DOCTOR: What? What?
(With one hand, CHANG deliberately reaches down and places a hand on the DOCTOR's boot. He then pulls up his hand and is still.)
DOCTOR: Boot? Shoe? Spat?
LEELA: Earth?
DOCTOR: He's left us a Chinese puzzle.
(He turns to leave the room, and LEELA follows.)

[INT. House of the Dragon]

(Four COOLIES enter and kneel before MR SIN and WENG-CHIANG, who are seated in front of the dragon statue.)
WENG-CHIANG: (stepping forward) Well? Where is it?
HO: Bag not there, Lord. It's gone.
WENG-CHIANG: Gone?
HO: We look all places. Bag not there.
WENG-CHIANG: You incompetent lice! You crawling, mindless dogs! That bag contained the key to the time cabinet. I must have it, do you understand, if I have to tear this accursed city apart stone by stone! Ho, were you followed?
(WENG-CHIANG looks out a window and sees two men across the street.)
HO: Followed? What?
WENG-CHIANG: Those two. They must have been watching the theatre. That means they have the bag! Bring them to me.
HO: (speaking to the others) [Chinese commands]

[EXT. Outside the House of the Dragon]

LITEFOOT: This is their hideaway, no doubt about it.
JAGO: It's unfortunate there were too many of them for us to tackle, eh, Professor? I was itching for a scrap.
LITEFOOT: The question is, Mister Jago, what now?
JAGO: Well, we could adjourn for liquid refreshment, decorate the mahogany. I know a little spot not far from here.
LITEFOOT: I think one of us should stay here on watch while the other returns for the Doctor.
JAGO: Good idea. I'll be as quick as I can.
LITEFOOT: Too late, old man.
(Several COOLIES with weapons appear.)
JAGO: Oh, corks.
LITEFOOT: Backs to the wall.
JAGO: Keep off, you lot. I'm a tiger when my dander's up.

[INT. House of the Dragon]

(COOLIES march JAGO and LITEFOOT into the room.)
WENG-CHIANG: So, you choose to spy on the House of the Dragon. Unwise. Very unwise. You will suffer for it.
LITEFOOT: You're mistaken. You'll be the sufferer when the police get here.
WENG-CHIANG: (laughing) The police? Did you hear that, Mister Sin? They take me for a simpleton.
JAGO: Oh, they'll be here, don't you worry. They can't be far behind!
WENG-CHIANG: You told them where you were coming?
LITEFOOT: Of course. We're not completely without sense.
WENG-CHIANG: Lies. Stupid lies! (slapping him) You didn't know where you were coming. You followed my men here from the theatre.
LITEFOOT: If that's what you choose to believe.
WENG-CHIANG: Why were you waiting at the theatre? Answer me. Why?
(WENG-CHIANG grabs JAGO's neck.)
JAGO: Why were we waiting at the theatre, Litefoot?
LITEFOOT: I refuse to answer.
JAGO: There you are, you see. He refuses to answer.
LITEFOOT: You can do with us as you wish.
JAGO: I say, steady on.
WENG-CHIANG: Very well. I will tell you why.
JAGO: I say, have a care.
WENG-CHIANG: You were waiting to see-
JAGO: You don't know your own strength.
WENG-CHIANG: ...who came to collect the bag.
JAGO: You're choking me.
WENG-CHIANG: Exactly. Now, where is the bag now? What have you done with it?
LITEFOOT: Let him go.
WENG-CHIANG: The bag. Tell me!
LITEFOOT: It's at my house. Now for pity's sake, release him!
(WENG-CHIANG releases JAGO's neck.)
WENG-CHIANG: You will die later, slowly. It will give pleasure to my wolves.
LITEFOOT: You filthy bounder.
WENG-CHIANG: In the meantime, put them with the other prisoners.
(COOLIES haul the two men from the room.)

[INT. Litefoot's dining room]

DOCTOR: Litefoot? Litefoot!
(He spots the carpet bag with the note atop it.)
DOCTOR: 'My dear Doctor, contained in this capacious carpet bag, which I discovered inadvertently in the cellar, is a collection of numerous sundry items of baffling meaning. The professor and I are keeping observation on the theatre and shortly hope to report to you the whereabouts of the mysterious Weng-Chiang. Your fellow detective, H.G.J.'
LEELA: What does that mean?
(The DOCTOR starts going through the bag. He finds the white lozenge and holds it up.)
DOCTOR: Ah! Eureka! Do you know what that is?
LEELA: You ask me so that you can tell me.
DOCTOR: That's right, it's a trionic lattice, an integral part of a time cabinet. It's impossible to open it without it.
LEELA: You mean it's a key?
DOCTOR: Yes. He's not only a scientific fool, he's an absent-minded one.
LEELA: Perhaps he has another eureka.
DOCTOR: No, 'eureka''s Greek for 'this bath is too hot'. There can never be another one of this combination.
LEELA: That means he's gone to the theatre. Come on.
(She heads behind him, to leave.)
DOCTOR: Hold it.
LEELA: But Doctor, Professor Litefoot and Mister Jago are our friends!
DOCTOR: Mmm.
LEELA: We must help them. You know what will happen if Weng-Chiang finds them.
DOCTOR: I do.
LEELA: Well?
DOCTOR: Look. Litefoot likes a good fire. He's been out of the house a long time. We can't go just rushing all over London looking for him. It's much better to wait for Weng-Chiang to come here.
LEELA: Look, we know he already has the cabinet.
DOCTOR: Yes, but he doesn't have the key. Always stay one step ahead of your enemies, my girl.
LEELA: You mean, when he finds the key is missing and that Professor Litefoot and Mister Jago are keeping watch, he will force them to tell him where it is.
DOCTOR: You're learning to think. That's excellent.
LEELA: And you thought of that all at once, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Well, almost.
LEELA: Then I am sorry.
DOCTOR: What for?
LEELA: For thinking that perhaps you were afraid.
DOCTOR: That's all right.
LEELA: Where shall we lay our ambush?
DOCTOR: What?
LEELA: Ambush! It's time we did battle with this underground crab, Doctor.
(LEELA starts sharpening a carving knife.)

[INT. House of the Dragon, kitchen]

(There are two women lying on a mat. We are in the basement of a building - there are small windows high on the walls. A dumbwaiter and an empty china cabinet are the other furnishings.)
JAGO: Are they dead?
(LITEFOOT checks the forehead of one of the women.)
LITEFOOT: Drugged, I think. You know why they're here.
JAGO: Poor creatures. They can't be a day over sixteen.
LITEFOOT: He must send his fiends to kidnap them off the streets.
JAGO: Ooh, this is a nightmare. What can we do for them?
LITEFOOT: No more than we can do for ourselves. At least they'll die quickly.
JAGO: He must be the devil incarnate.
LITEFOOT: What unspeakable horror lies behind that mask, do you suppose?
JAGO: Well, he's not exactly a dobbin masher with it, is he?
LITEFOOT: Dammit, Jago, I don't see any way out of this. I think we're done for.
JAGO: You're forgetting the Doctor, Professor.
LITEFOOT: There's no hope of him finding this place. How can he?
JAGO: Oh, the trained mind. A fleck of mud here, speck of paint there - clues that speak volumes to a trained investigator like him. I'll wager he's on our tracks this very minute.
LITEFOOT: I say, Jago, look at this!
JAGO: What of it?
LITEFOOT: Don't you see what it is? It's a dumbwaiter!
JAGO: Yes, of course I know that, but, frankly, I'm not very peckish at the moment. I'm surprised you should think of food at a time like this.
LITEFOOT: My dear man, I'm not thinking of food! I'm thinking that if we take that shelf out and squeeze ourselves in, we can make a surreptitious exit from this establishment via the dining room.
JAGO: By jiminy, you're right! Ha-ha! We'll teach those blighters a lesson yet. They picked the wrong man when they decided to cross swords with me.
(JAGO has removed the shelf.)
LITEFOOT: After you, Mister Jago.
JAGO: Oh, those ropes don't look too sound, do they?
LITEFOOT: He that is down need fear no fall.
JAGO: Hmm?
LITEFOOT: A quotation. Bunyan.
JAGO: Ah, very comforting.
(The two men squeeze inside. They close the doors.)
JAGO [OC]: Mind your elbow, Professor.
LITEFOOT [OC]: Sorry.
(They start pulling the ropes, grunting.)
LITEFOOT+JAGO [OC]: Heave!

[INT. House of the Dragon]

(They are now behind the dragon statue. It's dark now, and all seems still. They emerge through a curtain and walk down the steps.)
JAGO: This isn't the dining room.
LITEFOOT: This isn't the way out, either.
(COOLIES appear, and the two men are taken into custody once more.)

[INT. Litefoot's hallway]

(LEELA and the DOCTOR emerge. They have various odds and ends, for possible use as weapons.)
LEELA: We must trap them in the crossfire, Doctor, somewhere in the open where they cannot find cover.

[INT. Litefoot's dining room]

DOCTOR: What sort of crossfire? Hazelnuts? Bread pellets?
LEELA: In a house this size, there must be protection. The professor will have weapons in fixed positions to guard the approaches.
DOCTOR: I brought you to the wrong time, my girl. You'd have loved Agincourt.
(He sets out the items, which include a parasol and cricket bat. LEELA picks up the latter and checks its balance with a swing in the air. She then grabs a golf club and walks over to the wall next to the window and holds it as if it were a light spear. A hand reaches for her through the window but misses her as she makes her first throwing motion. She is getting ready to try again when WENG-CHIANG reaches through and presses a cloth over her mouth. She turns, and the ensuing struggle leads him inside. She reaches for his mask and pulls it away. We see a deformed-looking face beneath.)

The above notes, transcription, etc. by Anna Shefl

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