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DOCTOR WHO
THE TALONS OF WENG-CHIANG

Written by
Robert Holmes

Part Four

(Overlap from Leela running through the sewers)

[EXT. Sewers]

(The DOCTOR fires. There is a flash and plenty of smoke. The rat sounds are replaced with the sound of only water. The DOCTOR slogs toward the bedraggled LEELA, who is face-down and overlapped by rat carcass.)
DOCTOR: Leela? Leela, are you all right?
LEELA: Oh, thank you, Doctor. Yes, I'm all right, just bruised.
DOCTOR: You were lucky.
LEELA: I deserve death. I had the chance to kill our enemy, Doctor, and I failed.
DOCTOR: Which enemy?
LEELA: The yellow one calls him 'lord'. He lives in a cave beneath the theatre. Come, I will show you.
(As she holds her hand out to direct him, we hear another rat roar.)
DOCTOR: This gun takes about half an hour to load. Let's go this way.
(He heads in another direction instead, and she follows.)

[INT. Theatre]

JAGO: Casey, I'm about to repair for half a foot of port. Mrs Samuelson in yet?
CASEY: I've not seen her, Mister Jago.
JAGO: Well, you tell her I want the girl's frillies smartening up. They looked like a fit-up company last night. One of them had a Jacob's ladder as long as my arm. Look at that. You tell her.
(He hands the offending stocking to CASEY and turns to the door.)
CASEY: Yes, Mister Jago.
(JAGO opens the stage door to reveal CHANG.)
JAGO: Oh, Mister Chang. Back again already? I shall have to start charging you rent, what?
CHANG: There are many things to prepare before the performance.
JAGO: Ah, of course, Mister Chang. Yes. The art that conceals, eh? Tell me, last night.
CHANG: Last night?
JAGO: I'm working too hard. Too much in the old brain box, that's a fact, but, er, we talked about a new contract, but I've quite forgotten how we left matters.
CHANG: I'm considering your new offer.
JAGO: Ah, I see. Splendid. Generous offer?
CHANG: Merely reasonable. Tonight, incidentally, I shall be appearing without Mister Sin.
JAGO: Oh, why is that? Just making a change?
CHANG: Mister Sin is indisposed.
JAGO: Ha, ha, ha, ho, very droll. I shall treasure that exceedingly humorous jest, Mister Chang. Oh, Mister Chang? I suppose the little fellow's got a touch of woodworm, what? (He laughs a bit.)

[INT. Litefoot's dining room]

DOCTOR: Say that again?
LEELA: Hmm?
DOCTOR: Say that again.
LEELA: She was dead. Her skin was dry like, like old leaves. It was something the machine did to her.
DOCTOR: Like old leaves. Sounds like an organic distillation plant, the life essence.
LEELA: That's what he called it.
DOCTOR: Did he?
LEELA: Well, he seemed to know what he was talking about.
DOCTOR: Well, he doesn't. He's a madman.
(LITEFOOT enters with some parcels.)
LITEFOOT: Here we are. Your outfit, my dear.
LEELA: Oh, thank you, Professor.
(She heads to the table to open the boxes.)
LITEFOOT: No, no, not here. Mrs Hudson's waiting upstairs. She'll help you change. (LEELA picks up the brown boxes and heads away) Hope it's suitable.
(LEELA leaves the room with the boxes.)
LITEFOOT: Dashed embarrassing business, eh? Never done it before.
(The DOCTOR is examining the dial / opening device of the Chinese cabinet.)
DOCTOR: What?
LITEFOOT: Chosen togs for a girl.
DOCTOR: Ah.
LITEFOOT: Quite apart from the rum things they wear, you have to be jolly careful it's in the right fashion. Clothes matter to women.
DOCTOR: They do?
LITEFOOT: Still trying to open it, are you?
DOCTOR: Yes. I'm trying to place the period. It can only be opened by a key of the correct molecular combination.
LITEFOOT: That a fact?
DOCTOR: Yes.
LITEFOOT: What were you saying when I came in? Something about a madman?
DOCTOR: Yes, he's probably got the key.
LITEFOOT: Who?
DOCTOR: Well, presumably he's calling himself Weng-Chiang.
LITEFOOT: Weng-Chiang was one of the ancient Chinese gods.
DOCTOR: I know that, Professor, I know, and he probably arrived in this contraption.
LITEFOOT: It was a gift to Mama from his highness, T'ung-Chi. We came home in seventy-three, so it's been in the family quite some years now.
DOCTOR: Then you're very lucky, Professor, that he hasn't traced it before now.
LITEFOOT: Weng-Chiang?
DOCTOR: Wen-
(LEELA enters, wearing a dress of the day with mutton-chop sleeves and sizeable skirts. Her hair is in an up-do to match. She is grinning.)
LEELA: Do you like it?
DOCTOR: Yes, it's charming. Isn't it charming, Professor?
LITEFOOT: Quite delightful.
DOCTOR: I'll be proud to take to take you to the theatre looking like that.
LEELA: We're going to the theatre?
DOCTOR: I have an appointment at the Palace Theatre tonight, and if you're very good, I'll buy you an orange.

[INT. Theatre]

(We see the view from above as JAGO and CASEY walk along the stage, behind the curtains.)
CASEY: Told her.
JAGO: What?
CASEY: Mrs Samuelson. I told her what you said.
JAGO: Oh.
CASEY: She didn't like it.
JAGO: I don't need to hear that, Casey. I'm not concerned with what Mrs Samuelson likes.
CASEY: She mentioned money matters. She wants a word with you.
JAGO: The woman's a bloodsucker. She's trying to ruin me.
CASEY: Well she said-
JAGO: (waving a dismissing hand) Don't tell me, Casey. I'm an artiste. Every night at this time, I feel like an old warhorse scenting the smoke of the battlefield. As the house fills, the blood starts tingling through my veins. My public is out there waiting for me. I can't talk about money at a time like this.
CASEY: But you don't do anything, Mister Jago.
JAGO: I, I announce the acts. I count the tickets. I smile at people. You've no idea of the strain it puts on a fellow. Furthermore, she spend seventeen and thruppence on the wardrobe last week. Any sign of the Doctor yet?
CASEY: Who?
JAGO: My collaborator and fellow sleuth. Oh well, he'll be here tonight keeping observation, Casey.

[INT. Outside Chang's dressing room]

(CHANG, in costume for his act, has heard at least this last.)
JAGO [OC]: I'll lay a guinea to a gooseberry on it.
(CHANG enters his dressing room and sits at his dressing table. He lifts a revolver from the top drawer and starts loading it.)

[INT. Litefoot's dining room]

(The DOCTOR is playing draughts. As the dialogue proceeds, we pan out to see that his opponent is LEELA, who is sitting atop the table with legs crossed. LITEFOOT is now standing beside the table.)
LITEFOOT: Your cab's here.
DOCTOR: Good.
LITEFOOT: You'll need your coats. It's getting thick again.
DOCTOR: Hmm. Did you pass word to the police?
LITEFOOT: Oh, yes, yes. They've posted a man outside.
(The DOCTOR points to LEELA and captures all her pieces, clearing the board.)
DOCTOR: Good. Lock and bolt the door after us, and keep your gun handy. Come on.
(LEELA scowls for a moment at the board and then hops onto the floor and follows.)
LITEFOOT: What, you really think those scoundrels will come back?
DOCTOR: They might. They might. They'll do anything to get their hands on that cabinet.

[INT. Litefoot's hallway]

(The DOCTOR walks past the laundry hamper we saw brought inside in the previous episode.)
LITEFOOT: Don't you worry, Doctor. By shot, I'll be ready for them. They won't catch George Litefoot napping a second time.

[EXT. Outside Litefoot's house]

(LEELA and the DOCTOR enter the waiting cab.)
DOCTOR: Palace Theatre, cabbie. Make it snappy.
CABBIE: Go on, get up.
(The cab drives off past the policeman who's keeping guard.)

[INT. Laboratory]

(We watch as WENG-CHIANG picks up pieces of equipment one at a time and places them in a carpet bag. He hears three taps on the flagstone above, and he pulls the chain to operate the hinge.)
WENG-CHIANG: (calling up the ladder) What is it?

[INT. Theatre, cellar]

CHANG: (leaning down over the ladder) Your servant, Master.
WENG-CHIANG [OC]: Go away. I have work to attend to.
CHANG: Lord, I have heard that the strange infidel, the doctor, will be here soon. Is it still your wish that I should kill him?

[INT. Laboratory]

WENG-CHIANG: I think it more likely that he will kill you.

[INT. Theatre, cellar]

CHANG: No, Lord. I have plan. I will kill him as sacrifice to appease the wrath of my god Weng-Chiang, to prove that I, above all others, am your true servant.

[INT. Laboratory]

WENG-CHIANG: You no longer serve me, Li H'sen. I shall take my own measures. You do what you will. Now go!

[INT. Theatre, backstage]

(JAGO peers out through the edge of the stage curtain, speaking to CASEY as the orchestra tune up.)
JAGO: You owe me a gooseberry, Casey. There he is, in the box. See?
CASEY: He don't look like a detective to me.
JAGO: Well, he's not going to wear a brown derby and boots, is he? Secret investigator like him, a man of a thousand faces.
CASEY: Who's the girl?
JAGO: Window dressing. Part of his disguise. Tell you what, I think I'll just pop up and tell him we're all on the q.v. down here. Have you set the star trap yet?
CASEY: Not yet, Mister Jago.
JAGO: You'd better get on with it, hadn't you, unless you want to ruin Mister Chang's act for him.
CASEY: It's that cellar, Mister Jago.
(JAGO sighs and walks off.)

[INT. Theatre box]

(LEELA is looking at the theatre's programme, a triptych illustrated with gaily dressed ladies dancing about in coloured costumes. The orchestra are still tuning up. When JAGO creeps into the box behind them, LEELA turns in her seat, but the DOCTOR does not.)
JAGO: Psst.
DOCTOR: Good evening, Mister Jago.
JAGO: Pleasure to welcome you, sir, and your charming companion.
DOCTOR: Thank you. Are you quite comfortable down there?
JAGO: Oh, I know the value of discretion in matters like this, Doctor. May I ask if you've come to any further deductions?
DOCTOR: Oh, quite a few, quite a few.
JAGO: Ah. I thought as much when I saw you here. I take it you're on the point of solving the mystery of the missing girls.
DOCTOR: I'm expecting further developments very soon, Mister Jago.
JAGO: Ah. Well, if you need any help, Doctor, I hope I know where my duty lies.
DOCTOR: I knew I could rely on you.
JAGO: Oh, to the limit, though I suppose you've got your own men scattered throughout the audience.
DOCTOR: No.
JAGO: No? You mean nobody?
DOCTOR: Nobody. When the moment comes, Mister Jago, you and I can face our destiny shoulder to shoulder.
JAGO: Oh, corks. (He stuffs his cigar into his mouth.)
(We return to LITEFOOT, who is at the fireside, reading Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine, No. 1916. He puts it down and stands, pulls back a curtain, and sees the policeman patrolling. He is satisfied and steps away from the window. He rubs his hands together, stokes the fire, sits back down, and resumes reading.
Meanwhile, LETTIE Randall is singing at the theatre.)
LETTIE: Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do. I'm 'alf crazy all for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage. I can't afford a carriage. But you'll look sweet on the seat of a bicycle built for two. Everybody now!
ALL: Daisy, Daisy. ...
LEELA: Do we need to give the responses?
DOCTOR: There's no obligation.
ALL: I'm 'alf crazy...
LEELA: When shall we go and look for the cave creature?
DOCTOR: Perhaps it'll come looking for us.

[INT. Theatre, cellar]

(While CASEY is preparing the star's trap door, WENG-CHIANG appears at the top of the ladder. His face is the sight that greets CASEY as the Irishman turns.)
CASEY: No. No!

[INT. Theatre]

(The audience are applauding Lettie, and JAGO begins introducing the next act.)
JAGO: The Sheffield song thrush. Last time she was here, there were eggs all over the stage.
Now, ladies and gentlemen, it is my great privilege to introduce to you, in his extended season here at the Palace, the first of two appearances this evening, someone whose legendary legerdemain has entranced and entertained all the crowned heads of Europe. Here to baffle and bewilder in his eclectic extravaganza of efflorescent ectoplasm, that master magician from the Orient, Li H'sen Chang!
(After a drum roll, there is a flash-bang and CHANG appears. His ASSISTANT runs onto the stage with a table.)
CHANG: First trick very simple.
(He throws his outer robe to the side, where it lands with a flash-bang.)
CHANG: Next trick very simple.
(He and his ASSISTANT bow to each other. and the ASSISTANT picks up a deck of cards from the table. CHANG lightly shuffles them.)
CHANG: Will someone pick cards, please? You, sir. Catchee.
(He gestures to the DOCTOR and throws the pack up to the box.)
CHANG: Now, sir, please to assist humble Chang by selecting any card. (the DOCTOR holds up his selection) Ace of diamonds. Please to hold card in air so everyone see. Now, sir, please to return card to pack, any place. (the DOCTOR does so) Honourable gentleman please to hold pack of playing cards between finger and thumb. (he does, to the side of his head) Chang will now shoot magic bullet through ace of diamonds without hitting other cards. (he takes the silver revolver from his assistant) Please to keep very still.
(There is a drum roll as CHANG points the revolver in the DOCTOR's direction.)
LEELA: Doctor!
(The DOCTOR slowly moves the pack of cards toward his face, to gasps from the audience.)
CHANG: Please to keep very quiet. Chang shoot fifteen peasants learning this trick.
(The DOCTOR moves the pack closer still. CHANG fires.)
CHANG: Now, sir, please look for ace of diamonds.
(The DOCTOR checks the apparently unharmed pack and holds up the relevant card, which has a hole right through the middle. The audience clap.)
DOCTOR: Oh, very good, very good! (he stands) Wasn't that good? Anything else?
CHANG: Honourable gentleman please to bring cards to stage. (his ASSISTANT carries the table further back on the stage) I have further demonstration requiring nerves of steel.
(The DOCTOR heads down, leaving a worried LEELA behind. Chang's ASSISTANT wheels a cabinet into place, about the size of a person and decorated with Chinese characters.
Back at Litefoot's house, two COOLIES ambush the POLICEMAN, who ends up with an axe in his back.
Inside the house, the lid of the hamper rises. Within is MR SIN.
We see that LITEFOOT is dozing. The magazine falls to the floor.
MR SIN stands and steps from the hamper.
In the theatre, CHANG and his ASSISTANT open the cabinet's doors. CHANG knocks on the inside surfaces to show that they are solid.)
CHANG: I will now ask my eager volunteer kindly to step into the Cabinet of Death.
(The DOCTOR obliges, to a drum roll. CHANG closes the doors, and the cabinet is turned 180 degrees. The DOCTOR simply walks out, and the audience laugh. CHANG appears not to have detected this, and he turns the cabinet to face forward again. He opens it. The cabinet is empty.)
CHANG: The bird has flown. One of us is yellow.
(He and his ASSISTANT bow to each other. The ASSISTANT steps into the cabinet and bows again. CHANG closes the doors.)
CHANG: If you will now pay close attention, ladies and gentlemen.
(CHANG takes a sword, hits the cabinet with it to demonstrate its solidity, and sticks it through the middle of the cabinet. He repeats this, with a second sword, as Oriental-style music plays.)

[INT. Theatre, cellar]

(The ASSISTANT climbs down from below a trap door, where he encounters WENG-CHIANG. He shrinks back in fear.)
WENG-CHIANG: So, the great magician.

[INT. Theatre]

(CHANG is placing the ninth sword through the cabinet.)
CHANG: In my country, this is known as the death of a thousand cuts.
(The DOCTOR hands CHANG the tenth sword. The cabinet is turned back-forward, then tapped, and turned again, to face front again, as music continues to play. CHANG quickly pulls out all the swords.)
CHANG: I will now ask my new volunteer kindly to assist in opening cabinet.
(He does. Inside is CASEY's corpse, which falls from the cabinet.)
JAGO: (to stagehands) The curtain! Quick, drop the curtain! (he runs to the corpse as they obey) What happened?
DOCTOR: He's dead. He died of a fright.
JAGO: Poor Casey. He's worked here for years.
(CHANG slinks away.)
LEELA: Doctor, what happened? Did Chang kill him?
DOCTOR: No, Chang was as surprised as anyone. Where's he gone?

[INT. Laboratory]

CHANG: Are you here, Master? This is your servant, Li H'sen.
(CHANG lights a lamp. He holds it up and looks around.)
CHANG: Answer me, Lord. If you're here, answer me. He has gone. Weng-Chiang, lord of greatness, has deserted me. (he kneels and hears someone enter) Lord?
DOCTOR: You've been left to carry the can, Chang.
(CHANG reaches for his ring. Before he can take his suicide pill, the DOCTOR knocks it to the floor.)
DOCTOR: No poison tonight. There are questions to answer.
CHANG: I will say nothing. It is time for me to join my forefathers.
DOCTOR: Well, as an accomplice to murder, the police shouldn't hold you up long. Tell me about Weng-Chiang. Where did he go?
CHANG: Perhaps back to his great palace in the sky. I failed him. He was displeased with me.
LEELA: (to the DOCTOR) His mind is broken.
DOCTOR: Li H'sen, you know he's not a god, don't you?
CHANG: He came like a god. He appeared in a blazing cabinet of fire. I saw him and helped him. He was tired from his journey.
DOCTOR: Hmm. Go on.
CHANG: He was ill for many months. I was but a humble peasant, but I gave him sanctuary while the soldiers searched. I nursed him.
DOCTOR: The cabinet. What happened to the cabinet?
CHANG: Soldiers of T'ung-Chi took it. Ever since, we have searched for the great cabinet of Weng-Chiang. The god will not be made whole until it is recovered.
JAGO: Doctor, you down here? Well, cover me in creosote. I never knew this was here.
LEELA: Doctor!
(CHANG has sneaked over to the big grille into the sewers. He goes through and the cover descends. LEELA tries to crawl in after him.)
DOCTOR: Not this time, Leela.
LEELA: But he's escaping!
DOCTOR: There's no escape that way. He's gone to join his ancestors.
(CHANG is slogging through the sewers. We hear rat sounds and see him back away.)
JAGO: You mean to say the celestial Chang was involved in all these Machiavellian machinations?
DOCTOR: Yes, up to his epicanthic eyebrows.
JAGO: Well, I'll go to Australia. (Cries of pain ring out from the sewers.)
JAGO: What in the name of heaven's that?
DOCTOR: You'll have to book yourself a new act tomorrow. (we see a brief shot of a now limp CHANG being mauled by a giant rat) Cyanide gas might do for the brutes, though you'd have to shut the sewers off for a day or two.
LEELA: Look at this, Doctor. That's all that's left of them.
(She has opened a wardrobe, in which is a bunch of women's clothing.)
JAGO: Of the missing girls? So it was Chang.
DOCTOR: (holding some of the clothes) Not Chang. His master, the crazed maniac who organised all this.
LEELA: (at a bare wall) Doctor, the machine's gone.
DOCTOR: That means he's going to start up all over again somewhere else.
LEELA: He could be anywhere. We'll have to look for him.
DOCTOR: With his DNA helixes split open, the more cells he absorbs into himself, the more deformed he becomes.
LEELA: You mean he is like a water bag with a hole in the bottom, and the hole is getting bigger?
DOCTOR: Yes.
LEELA: What happened to make him like that?
DOCTOR: Perhaps because he used the cabinet. A dangerous experiment in time travel. Now he'll be struggling to keep his metabolism in balance.
LEELA: And the rats?
DOCTOR: Just an experiment. He had to gauge the strength of the psionic amplification field. The rats were handy. (throwing down the clothes and starting up the ladder) After that, they were useful as sewer guards.
(The DOCTOR and LEELA leave. JAGO is left musing to himself.)
JAGO: I've got it! 'See the lair of the phantom. Conducted tours, bob a nob.' I'm on to a fortune here. Hey, Doctor, you're not going, are you?

[INT. Theatre, cellar]

DOCTOR: I must. Things to do. (sotto to LEELA) We've got to get back to that time cabinet. Come on.
(A screech from a giant rat in the sewer motivates JAGO up the ladder.)

[EXT. Hansom cab]

(We see LITEFOOT, thumped. We pan to the corner and see no cabinet there.
Outside, a cab is being driven from the scene at speed. To its back is strapped the cabinet. We see its drivers, WENG-CHIANG and MR SIN. The former is laughing, and the latter is shrieking with glee. Both sound rather like maniacs.)

The above notes, transcription, etc. by Anna Shefl

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