Some of these really aren't very good. (Should I blame alcohol for that?) They're just a bit of fun to remember some good drinks by.
This is not the world of the raging drunk:
It's the realm largely of the beer or whisky bore who laments
"It's all lager & alcopops these days..."
Gordon & MacPhail = Plain good charm.
Ardbeg Islay malt = Balm aids greatly.
Bowmore Enigma = Amber wooing me.
Beg: "Oh, buy us a _real_ drink!"
"What?"
~
"Get Aberlour A'bunadh whisky."
and
Drink. Gab the blue hours away. -
Get Aberlour A'bunadh whisky.
Thirsty? Real weak? Glass empty? Why not drink a scotch? =
Sip a twenty-year-old Mortlach whisky (cask strength).
The Glenlivet, American Oak Finish = Heighten main flavor in elite
cask.
(US spelling, for obvious reasons)
Laphroaig = "Hi, oral gap!"
Bunnahabhain - "Westering Home" = The binge: brain-wash one human.
Bunnahabhain - "Westering Home" = Beer, gin, 'n' inane mouthwash!
Seagram's Glenlivet = Malt engages livers.
Aberlour (Speyside) = Yes, superb or ideal!
Glenfiddich = Child Fed Gin!
Glen Garioch = Age long. Rich.
Balvenie = Evil bane.
Lagavulin (classic malt) ~ as victuals, calming all.
Dalwhinnie Scotch Whisky = Whine "a kind which's costly".
Bowmore Mariner (fifteen-year) = No more water? Fine fiery amber...
The Glendronach Sherry Cask = "Clean cherry red! Gosh, thanks!"
And an Irish one:
Bushmills (a blend) = Bah, Dublin smells!
Water, malted barley, hops and yeast!
=
That's awesome, landlady - beer party!
People drink these things for all sorts of reasons, far beyond parties:
A beer nerd = Nearer bed.
Broken-hearted? = On the dark beer.
Homebrew competition = Memo topic: "Hit beer won"
So it's only natural that tastes differ:
Pissy lager = Greasy lips? --What do they put in this stuff?
A craft beer = Create barf?
A collection of modern craft-beer fads, on which opinions clearly vary:
Style fads:
Black saison = So sick. Banal.
New England IPA = We planned gain!
Pastry sour = Syrup, sorta (= Pours stray... = Tarry soups!)
At least for non-wild, kettle sours...
Sour beers = Sure bores = Sober user!
Breweries du jour, from ratebeer.com(RIP)'s Top Breweries
list:
Dogfish Head = High-dose fad.
Three Floyds ~ fed hostelry.
Three Floyds = Hefty. Resold.
Alesmith = Lame shit.
Alesmith ~ is malt, eh?
Ballast Point = Taliban's plot!
Crooked Stave = Vote OK/sacred
Epic Brewing = NEW: Big price!
Goose Island ~ sold agonies.
Green Flash = Fresh angle.
Hair of the Dog = "Oh-oh" at fridge.
New Belgium = Glum newbie.
North Coast ~ cons throat.
Stone Brewing = It's been wrong.
Stone Brewing = Wine gets born
And even more crafty stuff:
I'll enter, hyped = Pliny the Elder
Firestone Walker = Relief to wankers.
Perennial Sump = P.S. Men lap urine.
Sculpin Habanero = Oh, ban nuclear sip!
The Brewdog "IPA Is Dead" Series ~ is hipster beer (I do add sewage).
BrewDog Five a.m. Saint = We design a vomit/barf.
Kissmeyer ~ seem risky.
Cool Head beers = Ebola OD. Cheers!
All those dumb Omnipollo beers ~ pull moron mobs. Hello, diabetes!
including, in the "vomit-inducingly closer to dessert than beer" category, their
NOA Hazelnut Cupcake = Launch a puke-zone act
Hazelnut Cupcake = Upchuck zeal - neat!
That cutting edge might well create razor burns.
For instance, these are two US craft-beer festivals that might've
aimed more for the unusual than for the tasty:
The Extreme Beer Fest and FUNK Boston Wild Sour =
Odd toxins enter & make teeth burn. Bowels suffer.
Or
The Extreme and the FUNK Boston Wild Sour beer fest =
Ferment noxious test blend, & debut there. Freak show!
Or
"Freak-Show Nonsense", "Trub Treat", & "Feedlot Mix" debut ~
at the Extreme Beer Fest and FUNK Boston Wild Sour.
Below are a few items for the less discerning drinker, some of which one might
call
Tramp juice -> Act jumpier!
Stella Artois = A lot, as litres!
Coors Light~'s cool, right?
(Well, that's Thor's logic anyway)
Budweiser = Die, US brew!
Royal Unibrew = Below urinary
Four Loko = Foul or OK?
Red Stripe = Dirt spree.
Brothers Strawberry and Lime Cider = Real brand: "Weird Terror by Chemists"
Skol Super = Spoke slur?
Pester ten nuns with Tennents Super
Carlsberg Special Brew = Lips gab "Screw cerebral!"
or
Carlsberg Special Brew = Gibber, crawl, scar, sleep.
Some that aren't so tasty:
The King of Beers = Froth binges - eek!
Coors Brewing Company ~ power magic by corn, son.
White Lightning = Lightweight inn
A drink that is far tastier than expected, the anagram notwithstanding:
Lion Stout = Insult too.
Belgian beer leaves you reeling, babe!
Stealthy strength might indeed be among its strongest
attributes.
That might become clear somewhere like
Belgium's Zythos Beer Festival in March = Hit some vibrantly fresh Gueze lambics.
It's possible to argue that
Belgian beer = Bilge be near!
But other brews might be more justifably reviled, overall:
Belarusian beer~'s real urine, babe.
Chinese beer = Née rice, eh? BS!
Russian beer = Earn bruises!
Russian beer ~ ruins bar, see?
Swedish beer = She is brewed.
US beer = Be sure!
And, with regard to the largely US-based trend of brews with added coffee:
American beers ~ are bean crimes!
Latvian beers ~ entail "Brave!"
Latvian beers = A tavern. Bile.
For people who don't mind the diacetyl character that these sometimes possess:
Latvian beers = Rivals beaten
This is all a bit of fun, of course. The anagrams depend more on
the letters than on reality.
Yet plenty of examples support the following
contentions:
Estonian beer = Obtain "serene"!
Not quite fair to Harviestoun Old Engine Oil and its ilk:
Scottish beer ~ tries, botches.
Fine herbs in ~ Finnish beer.
Finally, on a similar note,
English beer = Glee in herbs
Let's look primarily at English real ale.
Many of the drinks below can be found in Cambridge, at venues such
as these:
The Live and Let Live = Little veiled haven,
The Kingston Arms = Amongst thinkers,
Bun Shop = Pub nosh!,
Wetherspoons Pub = Posh uptown beers,
The Regal = The lager?!
O'Hanlon's Port Stout = Slur "Not on tap? Shoot!"
Fuller's Trafalgar beer = After bar, regulars fell.
Ask any old drinker - Orkney Dark Island
This offering from the brewery Thornbridge has a trendy and less
traditional twist:
Crystal Ship = stylish crap
Some might not want to waste a drop:
Crystal Ship = Splash it, cry
Dark Star Golden Gate = Do get large tankards.
Adore malt, Englishman? ... Earl Soham Gannet Mild!
Harviestoun Old Engine Oil = Inhale it. Soon overindulge.
Young's Chocolate Stout = Tongue cocoa thusly, sot!
Shepherd Neame Spitfire = Pint refreshes me. (He paid.)
Man prayed: "Where's the beer?" ~ "At Shepherd Neame Brewery."
Station Porter = O trainspotter!
Nethergate's Umbel Ale = Humans' glee: better ale.
There's also the 'miracle cure' anagram...
Lame? Blue? ~ Umbel Ale.
Black Sheep's Riggwelter = Let's help re: cask brew gig.
Thomas Hardy's Ale = Oh my. Trashed, alas.
The Campaign for Real Ale = Fear/hate lager? Complain!
Or (a rediscovery, alas)
Campaign for Real Ale = American lager - a flop!
For an anagram of some material from the CAMRA Web site, go here.
Lithuania's farmhouse beer = Our aim: Bathe us in fresh ale.
Tanker beer = Break & enter
Tanker beers = Berserk. Neat.
(This Estonian brand has now become part of a multinational juggernaut)
At the time of writing, the jury hasn't weighed in on this soon-to-be-available local
drink from a newcomer on the scene:
Level Eleven Rainbow Juice =
Ale newbie: clever/juvenile?
Accordingly, this could refer either to the brewer leading us beyond the
realm of hipster beer or to someone just leaving the unfinished drink
on the table:
Level Eleven Rainbow Juice =
I leave juvenile-clown beer
Sori Brewing = Sober wiring?
AleSmith Speedway Stout =
I hope we used tasty malts. =
We'd ultimate hops, yeasts, ...
And a drink for the brave:
"Armageddon" by Brewmeister =
Strong, maybe weird beer. Mad.
Weird, sad Moneygrab Beer(TM).
Or perhaps
Brewmeister Armageddon ~ made most rewarding beer.
(And for A Tale of Two Beers, visit here).
If the latter beer hasn't scared you away, you might consider this
drink:
If you like to mix your drinks, you could try these perhaps:
White Russian = Wash! It's urine!
Dirty mind thinks near a resort =
Dry martini. Shaken, not stirred.
A Planter's Punch = A slurp penchant.
After all that, you might be
Tired and emotional because of not maintaining a lemonade tradition
Tired and emotional
= Ale: idiot adornment.
= Denote martini load.
If not, you might need something stronger:
Sot lamented absinthe, ~
the "madness in a bottle".
Fortified wine:
If free, I down it!
Vintage port =
Tag it "proven".
And for anyone who's had enough to drink that the
late-night junk-food kiosk looks attractive:
Draught beers = Death-burgers!
I'll drink to that...
She drinks a toast = So it's tankards, eh?
For those who prefer a non-alcoholic tipple, tea might be on the
menu.
English Breakfast = Relief bags - thanks!
Twinings Breakfast Tea = Best at first awakening
Black or green doesn't matter:
A hot cup of keemun? Darjeeling? Assam?...
...Greens do a fuel-up OK. Jasmine? Matcha?
Finally, this new offering from Starbucks sounds as if it might, erm, drive one
to drink.
The S'mores Frappuccino =
Un-promo: "Shit! Feces! Crap!"
Or
Men, it's "cup of horse crap".
That's all for now...
"Time, please." = Ale empties.
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