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DOCTOR WHO
THE ANDROIDS OF TARA
Written by
David Fisher
Part Four
(Overlap from 'The count's just offered me the throne')
[INT. Cabin]
ZADEK: Commander, take six men, mount up, and follow the count.
(The COMMANDER hastens away.)
DOCTOR: He'll be halfway to Castle Gracht by now.
FARRAH: You know, you almost have to admire the man.
ZADEK: Admire him? I should have killed him when he walked in here, flag of truce or no flag of truce.
FARRAH: You've got to admit, sir, it takes courage to walk in here, to distract our attention while his men kidnap Miss Romana. I mean, it takes nerve.
ZADEK: Nerve is one quality Grendel has never been short of.
[INT. Reynart's cell]
(The prince has been shackled to the wall again.)
REYNART: Romana!
ROMANA: Are you all right?
REYNART: I thought you'd escaped.
GRENDEL: She had, but I knew your Majesty couldn't live without her, so I brought her back for you.
(KURSTER re-secures Romana.)
ROMANA: Why do you torment him?
GRENDEL: Oh, now, that's really most unfair, my dear. I'm really quite hurt. All I'm doing is to restore to his Majesty his bride-to-be.
ROMANA: What?
GRENDEL: You'll make a lovely couple.
(GRENDEL and KURSTER exit.)
ROMANA: (to REYNART) What's his idea? Is it a joke?
REYNART: Oh, no. Grendel doesn't joke about political power.
ROMANA: Then what's his plan?
REYNART: To become legal, rightful king of Tara. You see, if you marry me, you automatically become queen, but five minutes after the wedding, you would almost certainly be a widow.
ROMANA: He'd kill you?
REYNART: He would, and the moment you're widowed, Count Grendel, that well-known champion of widows and orphans, would step in and marry you, thus becoming consort of the rightful queen of Tara.
ROMANA: And then it would be my turn for an unfortunate accident.
REYNART: Precisely.
[INT. Castle]
GRENDEL: (to TILL) This is not wine but vinegar. Fetch good wine, dog!
(TILL leaves, while a GUARD admits the ARCHIMANDRITE.)
GRENDEL: Ah, Archimandrite. Welcome.
ARCHIMANDRITE: What is so urgent that I must leave my duties and hurry here like this?
GRENDEL: I am sorry, Archimandrite, but there is a ceremony you must perform.
ARCHIMANDRITE: Here? What ceremony?
GRENDEL: A marriage.
ARCHIMANDRITE: Your own chaplain could have done that.
GRENDEL: Not this marriage.
ARCHIMANDRITE: Why? Who is to be married, and to whom?
GRENDEL: The king to the princess Strella.
ARCHIMANDRITE: The king? Here?
GRENDEL: He has placed himself under my protection, your Eminence. Sadly, I have to tell you he is sick. In fact, he's very near to death.
ARCHIMANDRITE: Oh, dear, dear, dear. He did not look well at the coronation. Not himself at all.
GRENDEL: No. No, I did note that, Archimandrite.
ARCHIMANDRITE: But near to death, you say?
GRENDEL: Indeed he is. It would be as well if you stayed here. I fear he will be in need of the funeral rites very soon after the wedding.
ARCHIMANDRITE: Oh, how sad.
GRENDEL: Mmm, yes. And after the funeral rites, there will be a second wedding for you to perform.
ARCHIMANDRITE: A second wedding? May I ask whose that will be?
GRENDEL: My own. I shall be marrying the poor king's widow.
[INT. Cabin]
FARRAH: But surely, sir, we have a supply problem if we place the batteries there.
ZADEK: But if we do what you're suggesting, we expose our left flank.
DOCTOR: How long do you think the siege will last, Zadek?
ZADEK: Hard to say. The last siege of the Castle of Gracht went on for nearly two years.
DOCTOR: Two years? Well, we haven't got two years before Grendel kills both the king and Romana. Anyway, looking at that plan, I'd say there's only one way into the castle.
ZADEK: What's that?
DOCTOR: If someone on the inside opens the main gate and a group of our men, under cover of darkness, take the guard by surprise.
FARRAH: That's hardly ethical.
ZADEK: Have you ever known Grendel abide by the rules of war? But who's going to open the gates?
DOCTOR: Me.
ZADEK: One man alone?
DOCTOR: No, no. One man and his dog. Come on, K9. (K9 follows him.)
[INT. Dungeons]
(GRENDEL looks in on ROMANA and REYNART. He heads to Strella's cell next.)
GRENDEL: Open.
(The keys jangle, he is allowed in, and we see STRELLA placidly working on her tapestry.)
GRENDEL: Your Highness.
STRELLA: Grendel.
GRENDEL: I have come to offer you one last chance to change your mind.
STRELLA: Never.
GRENDEL: The Archimandrite is here. The king is here. It will be quite easy for you.
STRELLA: Grendel, I've told you already - I will never marry you under any circumstances, and I will not marry the king under these circumstances.
GRENDEL: Come, come, my dear. Don't you want to be queen?
STRELLA: (standing) I know, Grendel, that as long as I refuse to marry the king, his life is safe.
GRENDEL: Hmpf. And that matters to you?
STRELLA: More than my own life. For the last time, I will not go through any marriage under your roof. You can kill me if you like.
GRENDEL: Very well, my dear, I may just do that before long. You have become dispensable, Princess.
(He clicks his heels and heads for Reynart's cell.)
GRENDEL: (to the GUARD) Open. (to ROMANA) How is he?
ROMANA: Very weak.
GRENDEL: Oh, what a shame. I fear he's not long for this world.
ROMANA: Nonsense. All he needs is some proper medical-
GRENDEL: I know exactly what he needs, my dear. Just as long as he's the strength left for a little ceremony.
REYNART: Never. Do you hear me, Grendel? Never.
GRENDEL: Oh, what a pity, because I'm sure you wouldn't want to be the cause of Princess Strella's death, would you?
REYNART: What do you mean?
GRENDEL: Or you, my dear.
ROMANA: What are you saying?
GRENDEL: The princess - the real princess, that is - is in the next dungeon. For the moment, she's quite safe.
REYNART: If you harm her, Grendel-
GRENDEL: What? What can you do? Be quiet and listen to me. I had everything arranged before this girl and her friend interfered. Madame Lamia was preparing a perfect android copy of the princess for you to marry. You would have been married with full ceremony, and after your unfortunate death at her hands, she would have married me. Now Madame Lamia is dead and the android can never be completed. So we need another bride.
ROMANA: Well, if you think you can persuade me to marry anybody, you're wrong.
GRENDEL: Oh, but I do. I'm sure you will. Because if you refuse, the princess will die. Very slowly. Now what have you to say? Good. I thought you'd see reason. I shall return shortly. Be ready.
[EXT. Castle]
(It is now night over the moat. The moon shines down on the DOCTOR and K9 in a small boat, ready to begin their mission. An owl hoots.)
DOCTOR: All right, K9, let's go.
ZADEK: The old watergate should be right under the far wall.
DOCTOR: Good.
ZADEK: I'm afraid the door must be a foot thick. The timbers were intended to withstand any battering ram.
DOCTOR: Don't worry.
ZADEK: But-
DOCTOR: Don't worry, we'll manage. You just make sure you're all ready to charge in the moment those gates are open.
FARRAH: Doctor.
DOCTOR: Yes?
FARRAH: Take this. (holds out his rapier) You may need it.
DOCTOR: Too complicated for me.
ZADEK: We'll be waiting, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Good. (He pushes off.)
ZADEK: Good luck.
(GUARDS keep watch over the battlements in moonlight. Frogs croak. We then see the DOCTOR in profile as he paddles through an archway in the castle walls.)
[INT. Castle]
(GRENDEL enters, carrying his knight's helmet.)
GRENDEL: Is everything ready?
TILL: Almost, Master.
GRENDEL: There must be no hitches in any of the ceremonies tonight.
TILL: No, Master.
GRENDEL: Kurster, a word.
KURSTER: My Lord.
GRENDEL: Make sure our guards are alert. You yourself watch everything. At the first sign of trouble, get down to the dungeons and deal with the princess. You understand me?
KURSTER: I do, my Lord.
GRENDEL: I shall deal with the king myself.
KURSTER: I shall be nearby if you need help.
(A GUARD lets the ARCHIMANDRITE in.)
GRENDEL: Ah, Archimandrite. Are you ready?
ARCHIMANDRITE: I am. Where are the happy couple?
GRENDEL: They are in their, erm, quarters. I shall inform them we are ready and conduct them here myself.
[EXT. Watergate]
DOCTOR: (rowing into position) Here we are, K9. Here we are. This must be it.
K9: Affirmative, Master. This is the position marked on the plan.
DOCTOR: Shh. Quiet. Just start cutting.
(K9's laser illuminates a section of the wood in red.)
[INT. Dungeons]
GRENDEL: Open. (The GUARD admits him to Reynart's cell.)
GRENDEL: Kurster.
(KURSTER frees ROMANA. Both prisoners have dressed up for the occasion.)
GRENDEL: Well, why so miserable? This should be the happiest day of your life. It will also be your last, so you might as well enjoy it.
(REYNART tries to hit GRENDEL. KURSTER shoves him away, back onto the cot.)
GRENDEL: Remember, no trouble, or the princess dies. That I promise.
[EXT. Watergate]
(Sparks from K9's laser are visible in the darkness. Above the laser sound, we can hear bells pealing.)
DOCTOR: Hear that, K9? Wedding bells or a funeral knell? Do hurry up. A hamster with a blunt penknife would do it quicker.
K9: You ordered me to make no noise, Master.
DOCTOR: Just get on with it.
[INT. Reynart's cell]
GRENDEL: Cheer up, it'll all be over soon. I'm sorry there's no bridal march, my dear. Guard!
(The GUARD opens the door.)
GRENDEL: After you.
(He follows his two prisoners from the dungeons. They head through passageways.)
[EXT. Watergate]
DOCTOR: About time too.
(K9 has finished his work, and the DOCTOR knocks free the panel of wood.)
DOCTOR: (whispers) Good. (he climbs rather noisily from the boat) You all right? Now listen, there's bound to be lots of stairs in there. You stay here and keep an eye on the boat. I might have to bring the others out this way if anything goes wrong.
K9: Affirmative, Master.
DOCTOR: Right. And don't fall in the water.
K9: I am familiar with boats, Master.
DOCTOR: You old sea-dog, you. Now don't forget, stand guard and be careful. Be careful!
(He heads into the darkness and cries out when falling over something.)
K9: Master?
DOCTOR: Shh!
[INT. Castle]
(ROMANA and REYNART enter together as the bells finish ringing. The two look at each other.)
ARCHIMANDRITE: Both kneel.
GRENDEL: (sotto) Remember the princess.
(Now they kneel. We cut briefly to Madame Lamia's laboratory, where the DOCTOR is fetching the segment.)
ARCHIMANDRITE: Do you, Reynart, King of Tara, take this woman, the princess Strella, to be your lawful wedded wife? (when REYNART licks his lips and says nothing) Your Majesty?
REYNART: (resignedly) I do.
ARCHIMANDRITE: And do you, Strella, Princess of the Royal House of Tara, take this man, Reynart, King of Tara, to be your lawful wedded husband?
DOCTOR: No!
ROMANA: Doctor!
DOCTOR: No, she doesn't. Hello, everyone. Sorry I'm late. If there's something I always enjoy, it's a good wedding. Isn't that true, Romana? (to the ARCHIMANDRITE, while ROMANA and REYNART stand nearby) Now, listen. Have you got to the bit where you ask them if there's any just cause why they shouldn't be joined-
GRENDEL: You seem to make a habit of interfering in my affairs, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Yes, yes, I do really.
GRENDEL: Well, you've done it for the last time.
(He draws his rapier, while TILL pounds the DOCTOR in the gut.)
DOCTOR: Oof! (He doubles over.)
ARCHIMANDRITE: Stop! This is a solemn ceremony!
ROMANA: Not any more, it isn't.
ARCHIMANDRITE: Stop!
GRENDEL: Leave him, leave him. He's mine. Defend yourself, sir.
DOCTOR: (in a surprised tone) I haven't brought my sword.
GRENDEL: Well, I've no wish to kill a man without a weapon in his hand. Here.
(He throws his rapier to the DOCTOR.)
GRENDEL: Till!
(While TILL fetches a second sword. ROMANA approaches the DOCTOR.)
ROMANA: Doctor, he's the best swordsman on Tara.
DOCTOR: Is he?
ROMANA: Do you know what you're doing? Good luck.
GRENDEL: (who has donned his helmet) I shall give you a fencing lesson before you die.
(They salute with their rapiers. The DOCTOR hits a column with 'his', and we're thus reminded that they are live. GRENDEL goes en garde. The DOCTOR mimics the motion, turning away in order to do so.)
GRENDEL: En garde!
(The DOCTOR is hit in the back. In the ensuing fight, the DOCTOR is on the defensive and the motions are slow. The DOCTOR even has the time to throw his scarf over his shoulder. Things quickly heat up, however, with a flurry of action. Then there is a pause, and the DOCTOR gives a mock yawn.)
GRENDEL: You improve, Doctor.
(The DOCTOR modestly grins. His feinting leaves him at the advantage, with the blade at GRENDEL's throat. The DOCTOR lets him go, and the fight recommences, with larger motions. The DOCTOR knocks GRENDEL's rapier away but then kicks it back to him. Now the DOCTOR has turned round, and GRENDEL lunges at him with a yell. The DOCTOR parries, and a flurry of strokes follows. TILL watches apprehensively, and KURSTER leaves the room. ROMANA leaves too. As they fight round a pillar, TILL tries to help out. REYNART prevents this. The DOCTOR and REYNART's hilts are held together, and the DOCTOR pushes GRENDEL back.)
DOCTOR: (to REYNART) Gate controller.
REYNART: (holding a rapier to TILL's neck) Where is it?
(TILL points, with a grunt, and REYNART releases him. Stepping around the swordfight, REYNART crosses the room and pulls a lever downward.)
[EXT. Castle]
(The gate opens.)
FARRAH: He's done it! Come on!
(We cut back to the fight - the DOCTOR is fighting with gusto, pushing GRENDEL back. The swordfight takes them to a tunnel.
Meanwhile, ZADEK's party have engaged Grendel's men, with the flashes from rapier contact standing out in the moonlight.)
[INT. Strella's cell]
(STRELLA leaves her tapestry and backs further into the cell when a laughing KURTSER enters. Behind him, however, is ROMANA. She attacks him, with her weapon of choice being a picture. Its frame is enough to pin his arms to his sides, and STRELLA takes the opportunity to break a jug over his head and quickly back away. She is shocked at what she's done. He falls. ROMANA smiles, and STRELLA stares at her.)
STRELLA: Who are you?
ROMANA: Well, that's a very long story.
[INT, Castle]
(The DOCTOR is on the offensive, and his fight with GRENDEL heads up a flight of steps to the battlements. We hear shouting in the distance.)
DOCTOR: It's all over, Grendel. That's Zadek and his men. Listen! You might as well surrender now.
GRENDEL: (removing his helmet and making a couple of powerful lunges that push the DOCTOR into some greenery) Surrender? You forget, Doctor, I'm a Gracht. We never surrender.
(GRENDEL jumps onto the top of the wall.)
GRENDEL: Next time I shall not be so lenient!
(He throws down his rapier before the DOCTOR and jumps. We hear the splash of him hitting his moat.)
DOCTOR: Grendel, you forgot your hat!
(He throws Grendel's helmet after him. It hits the water as GRENDEL swims away.)
[INT. Castle]
(Zadek's men are in the castle. Under the watchful eye and sword of the guard commander stands TILL.)
DOCTOR: Ah, there you are. Everyone all right? Thank you.
(The DOCTOR throws his sword to FARRAH.)
REYNART: Doctor, I owe you my life. How can I repay you?
DOCTOR: Oh, it was a pleasure to be of service.
ZADEK: Such swordsmanship. I never thought I'd live to see the day when anyone would beat Count Grendel.
DOCTOR: Really? Why, was he supposed to be good?
FARRAH: (with a laugh) He can jest after a fight like that.
REYNART: Why not stay here? This castle and all its lands can be yours. Anything you care to name.
DOCTOR: No, no, no, that's a very kind offer, Majesty, but I have a pressing engagement on the other side of the galaxy. Has anybody here seen Romana?
REYNART: She followed Kurster out.
DOCTOR: Kurster? What?
REYNART: The Princess Strella!
DOCTOR: Where?
REYNART: In the dungeons!
DOCTOR: What! (He grabs a rapier and runs out.)
DOCTOR: No!
[INT. Strella's cell]
(It is ROMANA's turn to sit at the tapestry, while STRELLA is seated in the corner.)
ROMANA: But there are so many different types of stitch. It must take years to learn the art.
STRELLA: It's really only a question of patience, and a certain delicacy of touch. I'm sure you can manage it. Go on. That's right. Very good.
(The DOCTOR enters.)
DOCTOR: Don't move! I said 'don't move'. (to ROMANA) Ah, you must be Princess Strella.
ROMANA: Er.
STRELLA: No. I'm Princess Strella.
DOCTOR: How do you do? I'm delighted to meet you. (to ROMANA, almost questioning) Romana.
ROMANA: Right.
DOCTOR: I'm so sorry to take your new friend away so soon, Miss, but we have some urgent business to attend to.
ROMANA: (jumping up and heading for the door) The segment!
DOCTOR: Right. (He follows her out.)
REYNART: (entering and running to the princess) Strella! You're safe.
(They embrace, and he kisses her.)
REYNART: And you're real.
[INT. Lamia's lab]
DOCTOR: Well?
ROMANA: Doctor, it was in here somewhere. It's disappeared.
DOCTOR: Use the tracer.
ROMANA: Oh, right.
(She pulls it from her belt and holds it out. When she thinks she is near the segment, the crackling dies down, as the DOCTOR moves away. On her second pass, she works out what is happening, and he pulls the segment from his pocket.)
DOCTOR: Ah!
ROMANA: Very funny.
DOCTOR: You were very careless. I found it when I came in here. Come on. Let's go.
ROMANA: Do you know, I'll be quite sorry to leave Tara.
DOCTOR: What? Sorry to leave Tara? I didn't even catch one fish. Not one! Come on!
[INT. Hall outside Lamia's lab]
ROMANA: Doctor!
DOCTOR: Hmm?
ROMANA: Talking of forgetting things, where's K9?
DOCTOR: Well, he-. Where's K9?
[EXT. Battlements]
DOCTOR: (loudly) K9? K9!
K9: (from the small boat rotating on the moat) Master. Master.
(The DOCTOR laughs.)
The above notes, transcription, etc. by Anna Shefl
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