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DOCTOR WHO
THE TALONS OF WENG-CHIANG

Written by
Robert Holmes

Part One

[INT. Theatre, backstage]

(A Victorian audience are clapping with enthusiasm. As the curtain falls at the music hall where they sit smiling, shouts of 'Bravo!' are heard for the performer.
We join him backstage - a bearded Chinese magician with a dummy. Behind him is his assistant, also Chinese. A large, jolly-seeming man with a cigar, ruddy cheeks, and a smile meets CHANG.)
JAGO: Mister Chang, wonderful, wonderful! Words fail me, sir. Words quite fail me.
CHANG: You are most generous.
JAGO: (continuing to follow CHANG) Have I ever, in my thirty years in the halls, seen such a dazzling display of lustrous legerdemain? So many feats of superlative supernatural skill? The answer must be 'never', sir, 'never'.
(CHANG turns and makes his dummy, MR SIN, bow.)
MR. SIN: Honourable master is kind to bestow praise on humble Chang's miserable, unworthy head.
JAGO: (chuckling) Dashed clever, the way you work the little fellow. Wires in the sleeves, I dare say. But I'll not pry, Mister Chang. The secrets of the artistes are sacrosanct.
(CHANG continues on.)
BULLER [OC]: Hey, you!
JAGO: What the deuce?
(We see that the worker manning the stage door is trying to keep a young man out as CHANG approaches. The man, BULLER, is a clearly upset cabbie, with a badge indicating licence number 14305.)
BULLER: Where's my Emma? What have you done with her?
JAGO: You've got no right to burst in here.
BULLER: Out of my way! It's him I want.
CHANG: Your Emma?
BULLER: She come in here last night - I saw her - and nobody ain't seen her since.
JAGO: I'll have the fellow ejected.
BULLER: Now I'm asking you, mister, what's happened to her?
JAGO: Call the stagehands, Freddy.
CHANG: It's all right, Mister Jago. Please, come with me. (He leads BULLER off.)
JAGO: Courteous coves, these Chinese. I'd have propelled him onto the pavement with a punt up the posterior.

[INT. Chang's dressing room]

CHANG: Your wife? (He sets the dummy on a chair.)
BULLER: Emma Buller. And don't deny she was here, 'cos I saw her with my own eyes.
CHANG: Many ladies come to theatre. Why should you think-
BULLER: Not round the side door, they don't. Now look, I was passing in my cab and I saw her plain, and I know it was you she was calling on. She's been acting queer ever since you put the 'fluence on her last week, so don't try coming the innocent, Mister. I want to know where she is or I'm calling the law. Clear?
CHANG: (as his Chinese male assistant helps to remove the robe he wore for his act) Your wife came on stage?
BULLER: Last week. Levitated her, you did. She's not been the same since. It's done something to her reason, I shouldn't wonder. And she was here last night.
CHANG: Not to see me.
BULLER: Don't come the cod. She's disappeared. Nobody's seen her, not since she come here last night, so what about it, eh?
CHANG: In my country, we have saying - man who goes too quickly may step in bear trap.
BULLER: Right, I'm getting the Peelers.
(He exits, still clearly unhappy. CHANG looks at MR SIN. The dummy nods, and its head then flops down.)

[EXT. River]

(It is evening and gloomy. A path leads along the Thames, in the East End. This is where the TARDIS appears. Out of the ship steps LEELA, kitted out in Victorian garb, albeit clothing designed for a young male.)
LEELA: These clothes are ridiculous! Why must I wear them?
DOCTOR [OC]: Because you can't go walking around Victorian London in skins. You'll frighten the horses.
(As she examines her clothes, he too steps out. He is wearing a cape and deerstalker.)
DOCTOR: Anyway, we don't want to be conspicuous, do we?
(We hear a foghorn. LEELA reacts while the DOCTOR considers a poster for Li H'sen Chang's act of magic and mesmerism.)
LEELA: A swamp creature. That was its attack cry.
DOCTOR: Oh no, it was a ship on the river. Excellent. It means we can't be far away.
LEELA: From where?
DOCTOR: From where we're going.
LEELA: Doctor, you make me wear strange clothes. You tell me nothing. You are trying to annoy me.
DOCTOR: I'm trying to teach you, Leela. Surely you'd like to see how your ancestors enjoyed themselves? Splendid. That's why I'm taking you to the theatre. Li H'sen Chang. Hmm, pity. I'd rather hoped we'd catch Little Tich. Never mind. If we hurry, we'll just catch the second house.
(LEELA follows after the DOCTOR.)

[INT. Theatre, backstage]

(JAGO speaks to one of the dancing girls who are hurrying past.)
JAGO: You'd better get your tail pinned on. Linens up in five minutes. Casey, have you got the oopizootics coming on?
(CASEY, an Irishman, appears at the top of the ladder from the trap door leading below the stage. Agitated, he staggers in JAGO's direction.)
CASEY: Mister Jago, I've seen it. I've seen it again!
JAGO: (moving him further into the corner) Be quiet. I told you before.
CASEY: Horrible, horrible it was, Mister Jago. A great skull coming at me out of the dark.
JAGO: Damme, you don't want to bankrupt me, Casey. Keep your voice down. Threadbare in Carey Street I'll be if people get the notion there's anything wrong with this theatre.
CASEY: Chains clanking, nine foot tall.
JAGO: You've been drinking.
CASEY: Not a drop, sir.
JAGO: Well, it's time you started. (he holds out his hip flask to the appreciative CASEY) Now pull yourself together, man.
CASEY: I ain't never going down that cellar again. There I was, fixing the trap, when this apparition rose out of the ground in front of me. Hideous, it was, hideous. (He takes another swig.)
JAGO: That's enough. (he grabs the flask) It's your imagination.
CASEY: Never.
JAGO: A cat or something must be trapped down there making noises. Tell you what I'll do, Casey. I'll come down with you this evening as soon as the house is clear, and we'll have a good look round. Now how's that?
CASEY: It was no cat, Mister Jago. I seen it!
JAGO: Please, Casey, remember, mum's the word.

[EXT. Street]

(We cut to an alley behind the theatre, where BULLER stands. In the darkness, MR SIN leaps down and toddles menacingly toward him, bearing a knife. We next re-join the time travellers.)
LEELA: This is a big village.
DOCTOR: Yes.
LEELA: What's the name of the tribe here?
DOCTOR: Cockneys.
(One of that tribe screams nearby.)
LEELA: The sound of death!
DOCTOR: You stay here.
(He continues walking, while LEELA remains behind. The DOCTOR comes upon several MEN who have wrestled another to the ground.)
DOCTOR: Excuse me. Can I help you?
(The MEN, all of whom are Chinese, turn their attention to the DOCTOR, setting upon him. In the ensuing struggle, one ends up on the DOCTOR's shoulders, beating on his head. He is thrown off. LEELA slings one against the wall but is overpowered as another jumps down. With a few martial arts moves, the MEN appear to have the upper hand. Then a police whistle cuts the night air, and all the MEN flee, carrying their earlier victim. However, the DOCTOR manages to trip the slowest of them. LEELA stops him from escaping while the DOCTOR chases the others. We hear the sound of a steam train.)
QUICK [OC]: Hold you there.
(The DOCTOR runs back to LEELA. We see that the police have arrived on the scene. LEELA holds her knife out as she and the officer circle warily.)
QUICK: Now then, what's all this?
LEELA: Touch me and I'll break your arm.
QUICK: Now don't be foolish, miss.
DOCTOR: Good evening.
LEELA: Keep back, Doctor! Blue guards!
DOCTOR: Good evening, Constable.
QUICK: Good evening, sir. You know this young female, sir?
DOCTOR: Oh yes, yes. We were attacked by this little man and four other little men.
QUICK: When I got here, sir, he was being strangled with his own pigtail, sir.
DOCTOR: Really? Girlish enthusiasm, officer?
QUICK: You might call it that, sir. I call it making an affray. I must ask you to come down the station with me.

[INT. Theatre]

(CHANG is on the stage, in costume. A young woman lies straight in the air with a chair beneath either end of her body.)
CHANG: Please to see, ladies and gentlemen, subject now in state of deep hypnosis.
(There is an intake of breath from the audience. The 'Oooh's give way to clapping as CHANG picks up MR SIN.)
MR SIN: She asleep.
CHANG: She not asleep, Mister Sin.
MR SIN: She been slugging type of toddy.
(The audience laugh.)
CHANG: I will prove young lady not asleep.
(His Chinese ASSISTANT removes the chair that rests below his subject's ankles.)
MR SIN: She's lying on metal bar.
CHANG: Not lying on metal bar.
MR SIN: I've seen it done before.
CHANG: I will prove young lady not lying on metal bar.
(He gestures to his ASSISTANT, who removes the other chair during a second drum roll and holds it up. She hangs in mid air.)
MR SIN: She's held up by wires.
CHANG: Enough.
MR SIN: You can't fool me.
CHANG: Silence!
(He puts the dummy down on the chair and gets a samurai sword. He makes a flourish with it near MR SIN.)
MR SIN: Don't touch me! Help! Police! Murder!
(CHANG waves the sword at both the top and the bottom half of the woman.)
CHANG: You see? No wires, Mister Sin. I will now demonstrate art of levitation, raising most beautiful lady high above own topknot.
(The woman wobbles in the air as she rises higher with CHANG behind her. He steps forward below her and then steps forward to the audience. He holds his hands out for applause, which he receives.
We see JAGO, smoking his cigar in the wings, wrinkle his brow and peer more closely at the figures on the stage. He has noticed blood on MR SIN's left hand.)

[INT. Police station]

(The police sergeant, KYLE, is taking notes. The DOCTOR and LEELA are seated and impatient.)
KYLE: Name, sir?
DOCTOR: Doctor. Leela.
KYLE: Place of residence, sir?
LEELA: We've only just arrived here.
DOCTOR: We're on our way to the theatre, do you see?
KYLE: Your home address will do for the moment, sir. You do have a permanent address, sir?
DOCTOR: No, Sergeant. We're travellers.
KYLE: I see. Persons of no fixed abode.
DOCTOR: No, no, no. We do have an abode. It's called a TARDIS.
KYLE: A Tardis.
DOCTOR: But it's not fixed.
KYLE: I can give you and the young lady a fixed abode, sir, quite easily.
DOCTOR: Flat-footed imbecile.
KYLE: What was that, sir?
DOCTOR: It was nothing complimentary. Get on with it, Sergeant.
KYLE: Now look, sir, we've got our hands full here, all these girls going missing in the manor, so if you'd just oblige us by answering any questions, we'll get on a lot better. And a lot quicker.
DOCTOR: Sergeant, all this is irrelevant. I've come here to lay evidence.
KYLE: We'll come to that in good time.
DOCTOR: We'll come to that now, Sergeant. We've just prevented a kidnapping, a robbery, or even a murder. My friend here caught one of the attackers. Let's come to it now, shall we?
KYLE: We've only your word as to what he did, Doctor.
(Behind the others sits the captured CHINESE MAN, sitting straight and silent.)
DOCTOR: Tell him. Tell him.
LEELA: The man they were carrying was dead. He had been stabbed through the heart!
KYLE: Really, Miss. And how can you be sure of that?
LEELA: I am a warrior of the Sevateem. I know the different sounds of death. Now put our prisoner to the torture!
KYLE: Well, if that don't take the biscuit. Torture, eh? This isn't the Dark Ages, you know.
LEELA: Make him talk.
KYLE: He's a Chinese, if you hadn't noticed. We get a lot of those in here, Limehouse being so close. Him jaw-jaw plenty by and by, eh, Johnny? I've sent for an interpreter.
DOCTOR: That won't be necessary. I speak Mandarin, Cantonese, all the dialects. (He sits next to the prisoner at the table.)
KYLE: Oh yes?
DOCTOR: Yes. Ni hao ma? Ni chi ma? [and Chinese that I'm not sure of]
KYLE: Yeah, very remarkable, I'm sure, Doctor, but, uh, since you're a party to the case, it isn't proper. (hearing a police whistle outside) Now what? That come from the river.

[EXT. River]

(There is a corpse floating in the murky Thames, face-down. On the bank of the river is a cronish woman in rags with frazzled hair. She points to the body.)
WOMAN: Look, there it is, guv. See? Look.
QUICK: Hurry with that boat hook.
(Bearing a lantern and a boat hook, a CONSTABLE descends the steps and joins them.)
WOMAN: It's a floater, all right. You've got it, guv.
(The CONSTABLE and QUICK pull the body out onto the shingle.)
WOMAN: On my oath, you wouldn't want that served with onions. Never seen anything like it in all my puff. Oh, make an 'orse sick, that would. Oh!

[INT. Police station]

(CHANG, wearing a suit, enters.)
KYLE: Good of you to come so prompt, sir.
CHANG: Not at all, Sergeant. I'm always happy to be of service to the police. What can I do for you this time?
KYLE: A complaint against this man, sir. The lady and gentleman here swear they saw him, in concert with others not in custody, carrying what appeared to be a body, sir.
CHANG: Indeed.
KYLE: A European body as I understand them, sir.
CHANG: What happened to the others?
LEELA: They got away. I caught this one.
CHANG: You caught him? Remarkable.
DOCTOR: Don't I know you?
CHANG: I think not.
DOCTOR: Yes, I've seen you somewhere before.
CHANG: I understand we all look the same.
DOCTOR: Are you Chinese? Yes, that's it. We must have-. No, I haven't been in China for four hundred years.
CHANG: Are you taking this matter seriously, Sergeant?
KYLE: We are, sir. Will you question the man, sir?
CHANG: Very well. (He sits at the opposite end of the table from the CHINESE MAN.)
CHANG: Can I have paper and pencil, please, Sergeant?
KYLE: Certainly, sir.
(This gives CHANG the time he needs to remove a little red pill from the signet ring he wears on his gloved hand. The prisoner reaches across the table, takes it, and pops it in his mouth. Just as he does so, KYLE returns with the pen and paper requested.)
DOCTOR: Got it! Li H'sen Chang.
CHANG: What?
DOCTOR: The master of magic and mesmerism. Show us a trick.
(He is referring to the poster. Our attention is drawn to the CHINESE MAN, however, as he raises a hand suddenly, makes a muted cry, and falls across the table.)
DOCTOR: Very good, very good.
KYLE: (lifting the man's head) I think he's dead, sir.
DOCTOR: (sitting) How did you do it?
CHANG: I did nothing. What are you suggesting?
(The DOCTOR sniffs the prisoner's hand.)
DOCTOR: Scorpion venom.
KYLE: Scorpion venom?
DOCTOR: Highly concentrated scorpion venom. It killed him almost instantly.
(The DOCTOR has noticed something else about the CHINESE MAN's hand - a distinctive blue tattoo.)
DOCTOR: The Tong of the Black Scorpion.
KYLE: Don't know that one, sir.
DOCTOR: One of the most dangerous politico-criminal organisations in the world, wouldn't you agree, Li H'sen Chang?
CHANG: You seem remarkably well-informed, Doctor. Alas, I know nothing of these matters. Most regrettable incident. Good night, Sergeant.
KYLE: Thank you, sir.
CHANG: I'm sure we shall meet again.
LEELA: Yes.
CHANG: Perhaps under more pleasant circumstances.
KYLE: Well, I don't know what to do about this lot.
DOCTOR: Then I'll tell you what to do, Sergeant. Organise a post mortem. I want an analysis of the organs.
KYLE: You want what, sir?
DOCTOR: Well, naturally, I'm going to help. If the Tong of the Black Scorpion's here in London, you're going to need all the help you can get. Now cut along and do as I say, now.
KYLE: Yes, sir.

[EXT. Hansom cab]

(The cab is being jostled rather as it traverses the cobbles.)
CHANG: Faster, man, faster.
(On a wall outside the cab is a poster advertising the Evening Star, with the headline shouting 'MISSING GIRLS MYSTERY 8th VICTIM'.)

[INT. Theatre, backstage]

JAGO: Twinkle, twinkle, out in front.
CASEY: Eh?
JAGO: Gallery lights still burning.
CASEY: I'll just go and see to them now, Mister Jago.
JAGO: Everyone gone?
CASEY: Aye. Just locked up, sir.
JAGO: I hope those girls go straight home to their digs.
CASEY: Oh, that they will, sir, with all this in the papers. Nine are missing now, you know.
JAGO: Nine. There was some fellow in here earlier blaming Chang of all people for some girl's disappearance.
CASEY: Just vanished off the streets, they have. Mostly in this area too. What do you think's happened to them, Mister Jago?
JAGO: Nothing good, Casey, nothing good. That's a stone certainty.
CASEY: Oh, it says in the paper how it could be Jolly Jack at work again.
JAGO: Jolly Jack?
CASEY: The Ripper, Mister Jago.
JAGO: The horrendous hyperbole of Grub Street, Casey.
CASEY: Eh?
JAGO: Newspaper gossip. They're probably just stony and scarpered. Cut along now. I'll wait for you here.

[INT. Chang's dressing room]

(He doesn't. He heads upstairs and sneaks into Chang's dressing room, where he opens a wicker trunk. Lying inside is MR SIN. JAGO reaches out to touch the dummy, whose eye opens and shuts. JAGO is startled but perseveres - it must have been nerves, after all. He raises the hand.)
JAGO: I was right. It was blood. Blood all over the hand and wrists. How did that get there?
(We hear footsteps.)
CASEY: Ready, Mister Jago.
JAGO: (startled) Oh, Casey. Don't ever do that to me again. If the celestial Chang caught me trying to pinch his tricks... I had an idea that his dummy was a midget dressed up, but it's just an ordinary vent's doll.
CASEY: Are we going to look down the cellar, Mister Jago?
JAGO: Of course, Casey, of course. When I promise to do something. Determination. Character. After you.

[EXT. Street]

DOCTOR: They're what's known as a very dangerous bunch. Fanatical followers of an ancient Chinese god called Weng-Chiang.
LEELA: The Tong of the Black Scorpion?
DOCTOR: Yes. His followers believe that one day he'll come back and rule the world.
LEELA: So what's he like, this Weng-Chiang?
DOCTOR: Oh, very pleasant company. They say he blew poisonous fumes from his mouth and that he killed men with a white light that shone from his eyes.
LEELA: Magic!
DOCTOR: Superstitious rubbish. Here we are.
(They enter the Limehouse mortuary and coroner's court. We'd heard rustling about earlier, and now we see the cause. We watch as a MAN, another coolie, creeps up and watches through the window from outside.)
QUICK [OC]: They're in there now, sir.

[INT. Mortuary]

QUICK: Taken from the river not half an hour ago. Professor Litefoot's conducting his examination now, sir.
DOCTOR: Yes, well, our case is much more urgent.
QUICK: I wouldn't go in there if I was you, sir.
DOCTOR: Don't you worry about it. Don't you worry.
(He and LEELA pass QUICK and head in.)

[INT. Autopsy room]

(A middle-aged man with a small moustache has just placed a specimen in a jar as they enter.)
LITEFOOT: (handing it to the DOCTOR) Thank you. (the DOCTOR sets it on a nearby table) Who the devil are you, sir?
DOCTOR: I'm the Doctor, come to help you.
LITEFOOT: When I need anyone's help in pathology, I'll ask for it.
DOCTOR: The constable suggested a drowning case.
LITEFOOT: Mmm. Fished from the river, but he wasn't drowned.
(We are next to the corpse, seeing only the sheet. The others look down at the body and muse.)
DOCTOR: By the look of those marks, an animal.
LITEFOOT: Exactly what I think, but what kind of animal leaves mutilations like those?
DOCTOR: Chisel-like incisors. A rodent?
LITEFOOT: Yes, but that's impossible. Look at the size of them.
DOCTOR: Hmm. Have you established the cause of death?
LITEFOOT: Yes, that's another curious thing. All this happened after death.
DOCTOR: Really?
LITEFOOT: He was killed by a knife blow to the heart.
DOCTOR: Are those his clothes?
QUICK: Yes, sir. I'm just taking them for examination.
DOCTOR: Hold that.
(The DOCTOR swaps his cane for the clothes.)
LITEFOOT: He was carrying no personal documents, but this indicates he was a licensed cab-driver. Easy enough to identify the poor chap by his number. (It's BULLER.)
LEELA: Doctor, those are the clothes the man we saw was wearing.
DOCTOR: What I'd like to know is what do you think of these?
LITEFOOT: Some sort of hair.
DOCTOR: Yes. I think they're rat hairs.
LITEFOOT: Rat hairs? Do you know what you're saying, man?
DOCTOR: Yes, of course I know what I'm saying.
LITEFOOT: But they're nearly three inches long. Hairs on a rat can't be more than what, quarter of an inch?
DOCTOR: Interesting, isn't it? Because I've just remembered something else about Weng-Chiang.
LEELA: What?
DOCTOR: He was the god of abundance. Yes, he made things grow. Can I borrow that? (taking the constable's lantern) Thank you.
LEELA: Where are we going?
DOCTOR: Stay there, Leela.
(The DOCTOR leaves. He closes the door, and as soon as he does so, an axe-wielding CHINESE MAN, who was lurking beside the door, starts to follow him.)

[EXT. Street]

(The DOCTOR is walking through the streets. The CHINESE MAN throws the axe, which lands in a door frame just to the right of the DOCTOR's head. The DOCTOR stops and turns.)
DOCTOR: Were you trying to attract my attention?
(The CHINESE MAN is making feeble sounds rather than speaking. He falls to the street, and the DOCTOR looks up. He sees LEELA approach. She is clearing her blowpipe.)
DOCTOR: What's this?
LEELA: A Janis thorn.
DOCTOR: Yes. I thought I told you not to carry-
LEELA: He was trying to kill you.
DOCTOR: Oh. Oh, well, in that case, you'd better come along.
(Further along, they stop at a manhole cover.)
LEELA: What is it?
DOCTOR: The entrance to the sewers.
LEELA: Blood. Is this where they took the body?
DOCTOR: Yes.
(The DOCTOR takes off his cape before removing the cover. He starts to enter.)
LEELA: Where's it go?
DOCTOR: Into the Thames eventually. All the sewers are connected.

[EXT. Sewer]

(The pair climb down the ladder into the sewer. They splash along the tunnel. We see rats scurrying along nearby and hear their squeaks echo off the sewer walls.)
LEELA: What are those creatures?
DOCTOR: Rats.
LEELA: They don't look very dangerous.
DOCTOR: No, they're not. They're very cunning, though. They're probably more afraid of us than-
(Something large is ahead of them, casting a large shadow. It squeals. The rats scamper off, and the DOCTOR and LEELA follow suit.)

The above notes, transcription, etc. by Anna Shefl

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