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November 2015


3 November 2015

A man and woman in Ohio broke into the jewellery shop Diamonds Rock, where they stole 26 diamond rings and then ran into a snag. The pair, Leroy Bridgman, 57, and Marcie Young, 61, ran down the stairs toward the basement-level parking area where they'd left their rental car, but the stairs didn't lead below the ground floor. So Bridgman and Young took the lift, which ended up stuck between floors. This is where police officers found them. Bridgman and Young were freed by the Sycamore Township Fire Department, then jailed.

Damon Perry and Christopher Paquin were watching a The Walking Dead marathon in a Grants, New Mexico, flat when the 23-year-old Perry detected signs that Paquin was turning into a zombie. Perry proactively lobbed a microwave oven at Paquin, hit him with an electric guitar, then stabbed and kicked him until the potential zombie had stopped moving. A short while later, two maintenance workers found a knife-wielding Perry chasing a woman around the building. They held him down until the police arrived.
Paquin died and did not come back to life. Charged with murder, Perry later explained that substantial amounts of alcohol had been involved.

A woman contacted the police to complain about seven porn videos that her husband had purchased online. The videos came from Florida's Leigh Felten, 31, who had posted teasers on YouTube alongside the comment 'New unlisted vids for a donation. Please support a single mommy and email [address]'. In the videos, one of them titled 'Mommies a whore', she smeared oil on her naked body and that of her 18-month-old son while breast-feeding him. At Felten's Tallahassee home, the police found another video, in which she rubs her crotch against the boy's chest during breast-feeding. She has been arrested on charges that include cruelty toward a child and promoting sexual performance by a child.

A 38-year-old Minnesota woman sent an anonymous note to her neighbours, reading 'The children look delicious. May I have a taste?'. This was followed by magazines that the family hadn't subscribed to, addressed to, for example, 'your tasty children'. When caught, the sender, Carrie Pernula, explained that she'd been annoyed because the children in question were noisy and often left toys on her property. Pernula, who has a psychology degree, stated that had she over-reacted. She has been arrested, and possible charges against her include gross misdemeanor terroristic threats and stalking.

In December, a woman in Lakeview, Texas, received a protection order against her husband shortly after filing for divorce. It wasn't long before she kicked the man in question, medical doctor Sharafat Khan, out of the house and changed the locks. Khan, 69, has been living on the million-dollar property's front lawn for the last six months.
Neighbours, who have been supplying Khan with food, have asked officials to find a solution, as has his 61-year-old ex-wife, who wants him removed. The police explain that their hands are largely tied since the property is under both names.
There is now a sign on the front door: 'If you want to feed him, take him to your house. If you want to, you can keep him at your house [...]'. Khan explains that he could go elsewhere but wants to stay at his home.

Patrick Doggett summoned the police to his home in Spartanburg, South Carolina. When officers arrived, he explained that girlfriend Faye Woodruff was refusing to have sex with him. Doggett, who was intoxicated at the time, added a 'Fuck that bitch' to his account of the issue. Woodruff defended herself by explaining that the only reason she'd refused to have sex with Doggett is that her grandchild was with her. Doggett was arrested for public drunkenness.

When Patrick Quinn, a school district police officer working in a suburb of Houston, pulled over a female motorist, he found marijuana paraphernalia in her vehicle. He offered to let her go without a ticket if she would just give him her underwear or let him lick her feet. She wasn't keen on either idea, and Quinn ended up changing his mind. The woman drove away sans ticket, but a report was still filed. Quinn, 27, has pleaded guilty to official oppression and been sentenced to a year in jail.

With Ukraine's passage of a law against symbols of the Soviet era, a statue of Lenin outside a factory in Odessa became slated for destruction. However, it received a reprieve of sorts, with a facelift and cybernetic implants courtesy of artist Alexander Milov. He remodelled Lenin into a likeness of Darth Vader, within whose helmet is a router that provides the area with Wi-Fi coverage.
Last year, Darth Vader ran in the national presidential election, and area media report that among the candidates in this year's Odessa-region local elections were 15 Darth Volodymyrovych Vaders and a lady Darth Oleksandrovna Vader.

According to a police report, Richard Dean Defeudis, 32, broke into a home in Portland, Oregon, and began to collect items that he wanted to remove from the premises. He then decided to go to bed, which involved stripping naked and crawling under the covers with the couple who lived there. He kissed the male member of the couple, who awoke to find a knife-wielding Defeudis sitting atop him so pulled a gun. The would-be burglar pulled on his trousers and fled, with the resident's gunshots hastening his departure. Defeudis was found in a nearby vacant building and arrested.

A 49-year-old woman in Wichita, Kansas, found a sword-wielding burglar in her bedroom, so she rang the police. She also woke her son, who gave chase while armed with a spear that he uses in mediaeval re-enactments. According to Sergeant Brian Sigman of the local police, several other police reports followed, from neighbours reporting that 'they had folks running through their backyard armed with this large spear and armed with a sword'. The son eventually lost sight of the intruder, who is wanted for aggravated burglary.

The home-owner in our next story, from Alpena, Michigan, found a burglar making a commotion in her kitchen. The female intruder, who had knocked over several items and upturned a tray of cupcakes, fled the scene. However, state and city police officers a few blocks from the scene came upon a woman who was 'highly intoxicated and had cupcake frosting and cake all over her torso and legs'. She has been charged with unlawful entry and malicious destruction of property.

Shortly after extolling the virtues of cryotherapy to local media outlets, Las Vegas salon owner Chelsea Ake-Salvacion entered her salon's cryotherapy chamber for a quick visit at the end of the work day. For the 24-year-old Ake-Salvacion, the low temperatures did not produce medical benefits. Her body was found about 10 hours later, roughly 10 hours after she perished.

Karlee Daubeney was putting milk away at the end of a work day at a Gloucester Subway restaurant when she became trapped in the refrigerator room. Daubeney, 20, wrote 'HELP ME' in ketchup on a piece of cardboard, which she slid under the door. Near hypothermia, she was found and freed when the branch opened the next morning. Cheltenham Magistrates' Court have fined the franchise-owner, who had failed to act on employees' reports that the door's inside handle was broken.

After two hours of chasing a car-theft suspect, police officers in Perth believed they had their man cornered as he drove toward a beach. The motorist opted to press the apparently stolen SUV's accelerator and head straight for the ocean. As water began filling the four-wheel-drive vehicle, the suspect climbed through the open window and onto the SUV's roof. Worried about the man's safety, Matthew Bruse and another police officer ran into the water after him and soon ended up concerned for their own well-being as the surf tossed them about.
Bruse later said that as the suspect removed items from the car and was 'tossing them around', a breaking wave 'freed his grip on the car and took him closer to shore and then he came with us willingly'.

Alabama judge Marvin Wiggins gave dozens of offenders an alternative to their fines. He is quoted as saying: 'If you do not have any money and you don't want to go to jail, consider giving blood today [in the blood drive outside the courthouse] and bring me your receipt back, or the sheriff has enough handcuffs for those who do not have money.' The Southern Poverty Law Center has filed an ethics complaint against Wiggins, explaining that giving blood did not offset the fines, wholly or in part. SPLC staff attorney Sara Zampierin stated that the offer entailed breach of laws against jailing people for a debt they are unable to pay.

California's Quinn Duane rang her mother, Kari, to report that her husband-to-be had backed out of the wedding. The elder Duane decided that, since the deposits had already been paid, she would invite 120 of the city's homeless to the reception in Sacramento. One of these guests reported that the food certainly beat what shelters provide. Kari and Quinn are now taking a not-quite-honeymoon in Belize.

Jennifer Connell told a court in Connecticut that her cousin's son, Sean Tarala, shouted 'Auntie Jen, I love you!' on his eighth birthday and then flew at her for a hug that left her on the floor with a broken wrist. Seeking $127,000 in damages, Connell said that this de facto tackle had, for instance, rendered it 'difficult to hold my hors d'oeuvre plate' at a recent cocktail party. A jury has rejected her claim after 25 minutes of deliberation.
Connell has explained that, because medical insurance didn't cover the costs, she'd sued in an attempt to prove liability, in order for home-owner's insurance to pay the medical bills.

According to his local sheriff's office, Mount Vernon, Washington, man James Allen Darland brought an offer to an undercover officer posing online as a farmer: 'The suspect requested to spend days on the farmer's property solely for the purpose of having sex with the various animals provided including miniature horses, dogs and goats.' Darland, 56, allegedly offered sex with his dog in return. In his discussions with the detective, Darland claimed to have had amorous encounters with customers' pets several times over the course of his 23-year career with a delivery company.
Darland has been arrested, and his dog has been handed over to the Arizona Humane Society for evaluation.

In Montgomery County, Maryland, Police Corporal Patrick Robinson stood near a traffic signal while wearing a body camera and disguised as a homeless man. The cardboard sign he held read: 'I am not homeless. I am a Montgomery County police officer looking for cell phone texting violations.' When he saw people using a hand-held mobile phone while driving, he alerted colleagues. Robinson later reported 'I've spotted over 30 in an hour', with about 20% of the drivers having been distracted by some device.

An 11-year-old boy in White Pine, Tennessee, asked eight-year-old area girl and fellow trailer-park resident MaKayla Dyer to show him her new puppy. She refused, so the boy grabbed his father's gun and shot her in the chest. She died at a local hospital, and her attacker is being held at a juvenile detention facility. MaKayla's mother recalls that previously she'd 'had to go to the principal about [the boy bullying her] and then he quit for a while, and then all of a sudden yesterday, he shot her'.

Logan County, West Virginia, assistant prosecuting attorney Chris White reportedly told other employees that he is 'deathly afraid of spiders' and then threatened to destroy the fake spiders that fellow employees had scattered about the prosecutor's office as Halloween decorations. This allegedly involved pulling a gun. Prosecutor John Bennett has suspended White, explaining that several employees remained shaken by the incident. He has also barred everyone apart from the agency's investigator from carrying firearms in the office. The fake spiders have been removed.

In Kerrville, Texas, Susan Cammack decided to commence court proceedings against the state district judge and lawyer involved in foreclosure proceedings against her. The summons ordering the two to appear before an 'international common law court' came from Cammack herself as a representative of the Republic of Texas. She explained that Texas remains a separate nation. A jury, in turn, have explained that she is guilty of simulating a legal process.
Republic of Texas President John Jarnecke said: 'Like it or not, we're living in two different worlds: the free and independent nation of Texas, where we want to be [...] and the corporate world of Texas and the United States.'

Police in St. Petersburg, Florida, found an abandoned stolen car that contained personal items belonging to 18-year-old Carnell Eugene Butler. These included papers from his arrest in June for car theft. The police contacted the young man and informed him that they had found his personal items. When Butler showed up to collect them, in his pocket were the keys to a third stolen car, which he'd driven to the police station and left parked a block away. At Butler's home, officers found a fourth stolen vehicle, a bicycle.


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