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December 2015


29 December 2015

Someone in Wayne County, New Jersey, rang the emergency services to report that a woman was being assaulted in the car park of Mother's Ale House. That someone was Hayley Oates, 25, who had been drinking at another area venue where a police officer was parked before her 911 call. She wanted to drive away worry-free while intoxicated. Of course, officers found no assault in progress, but they did later find this Facebook post from Oates: 'lmao.. 2 mins later the cop peals out.. silly piggies tricks r for u.' She has been arrested for filing false reports to law-enforcement officers and causing false public alarm.

Another questionable use of the emergency number comes from a South Carolina man who utilised it to ask for a ride to the Myrtle Beach police department in order to post bail for his girlfriend. The dispatcher told the man, Edward Rosciszewski, that this was not a matter of life and death and to ring the non-emergency number instead. She also supplied the intoxicated-sounding Rosciszewski with phone numbers for taxi services. In all, he rang three times in as many hours, and now his girlfriend isn't the only one facing charges.

In New Jersey, seven-year-old Isabelle LePerota rang 911 because she thought she had just ruined Christmas. The book accompanying her family's Elf on the Shelf explains that touching the statue removes the home's Christmas magic. She had just knocked the statue over.
The call included her explaining that she'd meant only to ring her father, and shouting 'Don't come to my house!'. Officers did so anyway. Old Bridge Police Lieutenant Joseph Mandola concluded that LePerota had considered the matter an emergency so 'in her mind, she did right, and it was fine with us'.

It seemed like Gregory Miller's lucky day. This 55-year-old man found a Coors Light delivery truck that had been left running at a petrol station in Columbus, Georgia, so he made off with it. His elation lasted until shortly before he crashed the beer lorry into a fence at a restaurant, with police in pursuit. He got out to make a run for it, but he did so without putting the transmission in Park. The vehicle ran over his leg, leaving him with a severe ankle injury. When released from hospital, he is to face charges of 'eluding police' and theft by taking a motor vehicle.

On Christmas two years ago, 55-year-old Jacqueline Patrick took the advice of daughter Katherine, 22, and poured husband Douglas 2.5 glasses of cherry perry with supper. He collapsed the next morning, so Jacqueline summoned paramedics. Informed that Douglas was suffering from anti-freeze poisoning, Jacqueline said that he may have drunk a blue liquid by mistake.
In a police interview, she explained that she'd done a Web search for anti-freeze poisoning only because a friend's dog had consumed the substance. That friend had no dog. Officers also asked Jacqueline to write down a certain word, and the resulting 'dignaty' matched the 'do not resuscitate' note that she had supplied on Douglas's behalf. Other evidence took the form of text messages to Katherine such as 'He feels sick again I gave him more delete this'.
After several days in an induced coma, Douglas began learning to walk and talk again. He had forgiven a previous attempt to poison him, but this time charges ensued. Katherine has now been handed a three-year sentence, and her mother 15 years per poisoning attempt.

Phoenix, Arizona, officers responding to a shoplifting report approached what appeared to be the getaway car at a nearby motel. They then saw their suspect make a break for the motel's roof. He refused to come down until his demands were met: a bottle of milk and three jelly-filled doughnuts coated with powdered sugar. So officer David Adams persuaded the manager of a nearby Dunkin' Donuts shop to make a rush order. Once he'd eaten the doughnuts, the suspect, Phillip Satterfield, surrendered without resistance. According to police, he had violated parole and told them that he'd prefer not to return to prison.

John Wesley Rose applied for a position as a sheriff's officer in Michigan. He completed the first stage of the process without incident, but the 25-year-old Rose had less luck in the second phase. By that time, his arrest warrant from Kentucky had been entered into a national database, and a background check revealed that he was wanted on charges of rape, sexual abuse, and sodomy. Rose was arrested after being summoned to sign the final employment application.

Carlos Hernandez, the mayor of Hialeah, Florida, was fined after lying - in two languages - about collecting nearly $200,000 in usurious interest from a man involved in a $40 million pyramid scheme. The Miami-Dade Commission on Ethics and Public Trust fined him $4,000. The commission later doubled the fine and filed suit against him in small-claims court, after 'the mayor sent 28 buckets of coins in an apparent attempt to pay the fine in disregard of the COE requirement that it be paid by check'. Hernandez told the media that the 'clowns' 'can go to court, but they will have to explain why a public organization does not accept this country's currency'.

A man at an American football game in Wisconsin left his assigned seat to join his friends in another section. Cops ejected him from the venue. He responded by having 240 coconut doughnuts delivered to police headquarters on the following Monday. Contacted by police spokesman Marc Lovicott, who knew the man's name thanks to the delivery driver, he explained by e-mail: 'This was meant as a harmless way to both show general gratitude for the job you do (which is awesome) but slight disdain for my treatment Saturday (which was not so awesome). Donuts are awesome, but coconut donuts are not so awesome.'
The police gave the doughnuts to the Salvation Army.

Matthew Riggins rang his girlfriend to tell her that he'd soon be breaking into homes in Florida's Barefoot Bay area. Sure enough, locals soon reported seeing two men in black skulking about, and the girlfriend received another call: Riggins and his accomplice were being hunted by dogs and a helicopter. This police search proved fruitless, but 10 days later, in late November, a partial corpse was found floating in an area pond. It belonged to the 22-year-old Riggins, as did material in the stomach of the alligator that officers encountered while recovering the corpse.
Of the apparent ill-fated attempt to hide in the water, the police's Major Too Goodyear said that this is a first in his career.

Yet another prospective burglar decided to enter a building via its chimney and became stuck.
In Fresno, California, a man heard screams nearby after lighting a fire in his fireplace. Determining the source of the yelling, he put out the fire, then placed a 911 call. Emergency-services workers smashed the chimney to remove 19-year-old Cody Caldwell, who was then pronounced dead at the scene. He had remained in the chimney since his ill-advised break-in attempt the previous evening.

In 2008, the University of Ottawa's Centre for Students with Disabilities hired Jennifer Scharf to give free yoga instruction to students, disabled and non-disabled alike. They have now decided to suspend the 60-person classes for accessibility reasons. That is, they are concerned for 'certain groups of people that feel left out in yoga-like spaces'. Responding to the centre's worry that yoga 'has been under a lot of controversy lately due to how it is being practiced', Scharf offered to change the name to 'mindful stretching', to reflect the aim: greater physical awareness rather than 'to educate people on the finer points of the ancient yogi scripture'.
The centre was initially receptive to this idea but then couldn't decide how 'mindful stretching' should be translated into French. So it has decided instead to consider developing a new course, in which 'students are aware of where the spiritual and cultural aspects come from, so that these sessions are done in a respectful manner'.

The upset of the reigning champion at a competition in Zimbabwe prompted what some have described as rioting. Mison Sere won this year's 'Mister Ugly' contest on account of his many missing front teeth and the faces he pulled in the three-stage competition, prompting William Masvinu, who had held the crown since 2012, to exclaim: 'I am naturally ugly. He is not. He is ugly only when he opens his mouth.' Masvinu, several of the 30-odd other contestants, and their fans surged toward judges, and much pushing, shoving, and insult-flinging ensued.
Sere, who received a $500 prize, said that the other contestants 'should just accept that I am uglier than them'.

Houston's Racquel Thompson has left her four young children unattended in her flat many times rather than accept child-minding help from her boyfriend's mother, who lived in the same building. The most recent time, the goal of her driving (without a licence) was for her boyfriend to pick up a pizza and prescription medicine. The result is summed up by what the two three-year-olds later told investigators: one of the children placed 19-month-old J'Zyra in the oven, they made it hot, and J'Zyra kicked from inside for a while. The baby did not survive.
Unable to reach Thompson since leaving the three-year-olds with her upon losing his job a few months ago, their father (also possibly J'Zyra's) came to the home three days after the incident. He hopes they can be released to him from foster care.
Thompson has a replacement on the way.

Seattle police officer Nic Abts-Olsen stopped a 73-year-old driver who didn't have his lights on at night. Once he'd checked police systems and determined that the motorist had a 'spotless driving record', Abts-Olsen decided to issue a warning only and approached the driver again. The motorist was scooping something from a small phial. Abts-Olsen rapped on the car window, startling the motorist into spilling white powder all over himself. It wasn't long before he gave up on referring to 'vitamins', admitted that he'd not chosen the best time to snort cocaine, and commended Abts-Olsen's 'keen detection skills'. He is being charged with possession of narcotics.


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