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THE TWO DOCTORS
Written by ROBERT HOLMES
1. EXT. HACIENDA GROUNDS
(Peri is running away from the hacienda down a hill, but Shockeye is not at all far behind. She runs between trees and through bushes, carefully watching her feet to avoid falling, as Shockeye rushes behind her, breathing heavily in his eagerness. Suddenly Peri twists her foot around, and comes crashing down to the ground.)
PERI: Ow! Oof!
(As she lies there, trying to summon the strength to stand up, Shockeye's feet appear either side of her body. Shockeye leans in towards her.)
SHOCKEYE: Pretty, pretty...
(Peri turns around and looks up into his hideous face, with his hands outstretched, ready to grab her by the neck.)
SHOCKEYE: Yeah, my pretty one! Ahahhh!
(Peri stares into Shockeye's face with nothing but terror in her eyes. Shockeye reaches down for her throat, but Peri tries desperately to crawl away from him. Shockeye is faster, however, and clasps her by the shoulders.)
SHOCKEYE: Steady, my little beauty! Ahh! Come to Shockeye!
(Shockeye pulls Peri to her feet. She yelps and struggles in vain. Shockeye holds her tightly by the back in one hand and her wrists in the other, partly to restrain her but also to feel her flesh. He crows gleefully.)
SHOCKEYE: Ho, ho, ho! Oh, what a fine, fleshy beast! Just in your prime, and ripe for the knife!
(Shockeye simply slaps Peri on the very top of her head with the flat of his hand and she falls unconscious instantly.)
SHOCKEYE: (Morosely) Oh... pity it's not a jack. Still...
(He pulls Peri's limp body up and then hangs her over his shoulder. He walks back up the path to the hacienda, with Peri's arms waving from side-to-side like a ragdoll.)
2. INT. HACIENDA CELLAR
(The Sixth Doctor and Jamie are still under the watchful gaze of Stike and Varl.)
STIKE: Varl! Inform Chessene that we have another Time Lord for her collection.
VARL: Very good, sir.
(Varl stalks off down the cellars. Stike steps forward, levelling his laser gun first at Jamie, then at the Doctor.)
STIKE: I am Group Marshall Stike, Commander of the 9th Sontaran Battle Group.
SIXTH DOCTOR: Long way from the war, aren't you, Stike? Going badly, is it?
STIKE: On the contrary. And thanks to the information you've just given me, I shall be back in time for the crucial battle.
SIXTH DOCTOR: My money's still on the Rutans.
(Stike gestures with his laser gun.)
STIKE: Into the machine, Time Lord!
SIXTH DOCTOR: (confused) Why?
(A pause while the Doctor thinks about it.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: Oh, of course. (Incredulously) You don't really expect me to give the Sontarans the power of unlimited time travel, do you?
(Stike grabs Jamie by the left arm and twists it around to his back, nearly strangling him in the process. As Jamie groans and struggles to pull his left arm free with his right Stike presses his laser gun against the Highlander's head.)
STIKE: Do it, or your comrade dies.
(The Doctor is shocked and hesitates.)
STIKE: Get in!
(The Doctor steps inside the Kartz-Reimer module and closes the door after himself. Stike uses his laser gun to press the buttons on the module's exterior control, and drags himself and Jamie clear of the device as it begins to charge itself up. It makes a bizarre series of echoing electronic beeps, and then dematerializes...before rematerializing again in exactly the same spot. The Doctor calmly opens the door and steps out.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: Satisfied?
STIKE: So, the machine is now primed.
SIXTH DOCTOR: Yes.
STIKE: Excellent. I shall now execute your comrade.
SIXTH DOCTOR: (Panicky) Wait! Now, that's why you Sontarans have no allies!
(Jamie reaches down to the dirk in his sock while the others are distracted.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: (Cont.) You can't be trusted!
STIKE: We have no need of allies! Sontaran might is invincible!
(Jamie thrusts the dirk into Stike's thigh. As Stike cries out in pain the Doctor jumps onto him and pulls Jamie out of his grip, before pushing Stike towards the wall.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: Run, Jamie!
(They run frantically down one of the cellar's passageways. Stike jumps back up, firing wildly with his laser. None of his shots finds his target, however, and he soon loses his balance on his wounded leg, toppling onto the cellar floor in his rage. He gives up the hunt, instead resigning himself to simply nursing his wound. As he does, Chessene comes down the cellar stairs, followed by Varl and Dastari. She reaches Stike and surveys him.)
CHESSENE: Who has done this to you, Stike?
STIKE: A Time Lord!
CHESSENE: Impossible! How could the Time Lords have traced us?
(Stike gets to his feet with difficulty, using a pillar for support.)
STIKE: It's the truth! (Gestures towards dirk still buried in his leg, which is now leaking green blood) I did not do this to myself!
DASTARI: (To Chessene) The Doctor's companion at the Space Station had a knife like that.
(With a grunt Stike pulls the knife out of his thigh.)
3. EXT. HACIENDA COURTYARD
(Jamie and the Sixth Doctor quickly run across the courtyard, and in through another door of the extensive hacienda.)
4. INT. HACIENDA CHAPEL
(The Second Doctor is sitting in his wheelchair near the small shrine. The Sixth Doctor runs straight past, but Jamie sees the Doctor and walks into the chapel.)
SECOND DOCTOR: Jamie!
(Jamie pats the Doctor on the shoulder.)
SECOND DOCTOR: There you are, Jamie...
(Jamie and the Second Doctor look up at a second visitor to the room... it is the Sixth Doctor, who walks in with his hands on his hips. The Sixth Doctor walks over to the Second, haughtily surveying him. He finally comes to a rest by the wheelchair and leans against it. Both the Doctors stare at each other silently...)
BOTH DOCTORS: Snap!
(There is a pause. The Sixth Doctor leans down and points an accusing finger at the Second Doctor.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: I've come a long way for you!
(He and Jamie begin to untie the Second Doctor.)
SECOND DOCTOR: Naturally. Don't expect any thanks.
(Suddenly the creak of a door rings out. Jamie and the Sixth Doctor freeze for a moment, but soon begin wheeling the Second Doctor's chair out into the reception hall.)
5. INT. HACIENDA RECEPTION HALL
SIXTH DOCTOR: The kitchen! Come over here!
(They hear the sound of Shockeye grunting.)
JAMIE: Too late!
SIXTH DOCTOR: Upstairs! (To the Second Doctor) Extemporize!
(The Sixth Doctor and Jamie hurriedly run up the stairs, while the Second Doctor hangs his head limply, as if unconscious. Shockeye enters carrying Peri's limp body.)
SHOCKEYE: Wake up, old Time Lord. Supper will soon be served! Haha!
(Jamie, looking down through the stair railings, jumps up as if to run down and deal with Shockeye. The Sixth Doctor is quick to pull Jamie back, much to his annoyance. Shockeye gleefully carries Peri into the kitchen.)
6. INT. ICEHOUSE
(Stike is climbing up through the trapdoor, while Varl stands watch over him. Chessene enters through the door with Dastari.)
CHESSENE: They've escaped.
STIKE: Temporal cowardice!
CHESSENE: They'll come back, they have to. Dastari, you come with me. Stike, you and Varl search the area.
(Chessene and Dastari exit. Varl closes the trapdoor as Stike walks up to him confidingly.)
STIKE: That Androgum has given it's last order.
STIKE: I have outwitted Chessene. The Time Module is now fully operational, Major Varl, so you and I can return to our unit.
VARL: Excellent news, sir.
(Stike laughs triumphantly and the two exit.)
7. INT. HACIENDA RECEPTION HALL
(Chessene and Dastari walk over to the Second Doctor, still bound in the wheelchair. Dastari feels his pulse.)
CHESSENE: Now that the Time Lords have located us, Dastari, we must move quickly.
DASTARI: The operation cannot be hurried, Chessene.
CHESSENE: I'm aware of it.
(There is a pause as she ponderously paces around the Doctor's chair.)
CHESSENE: ...but I have a contingency plan. It's been in my mind for some time.
DASTARI: What contingency plan?
CHESSENE: I want you to turn this Time Lord into an Androgum. You could do that, I know.
DASTARI: (Thoughtfully) Well, if I had the genetic material...
CHESSENE: Take it from Shockeye.
DASTARI: (Taken aback) Shockeye?
CHESSENE: I want you to make a consort for me... leave him the power of time travel, leave the symbiotic nuclei within him, but turn him into an Androgum, by blood and by instinct. How long would that take?
(The Second Doctor has raised his head slightly and is listening to the conversation. The expression on his face is horrified.)
DASTARI: Not long: two simple operations. The first to implant the genetic material, and then a second operation to stabilize his condition.
(The Second Doctor remembers himself and quickly shut his eyes and pretends to be asleep.)
CHESSENE: Good. Then that is what we shall do.
(The Sixth Doctor and Jamie look on in genuine concern.)
8. INT. HACIENDA KITCHEN
(Shockeye is sharpening a very large meat knife carefully. He then feels the edge of the blade, laughing gleefully as he feels how razor sharp it has become. He then walks to the table where Peri lies prone, lightly shifts her head, and lines up the knife to neatly slit her throat. He is just about to execute the chop when Chessene's voice calls him.)
CHESSENE: (V.O) Shockeye!
(Shockeye nearly fumbles the cut and, murmuring pulls the knife away from Peri's neck. The door opens and Chessene strides in commandingly.)
CHESSENE: I want you to help Dastari get the Doctor back to the operating theatre.
SHOCKEYE: (Disappointed) Oh, can't I tend to the beast first, madam; it'll only take a few minutes!
CHESSENE: Later, Shockeye. Dastari wants to operate immediately.
SHOCKEYE: (Deflated) Oh, if you say so...
(Shockeye rests his knife on the bench and leaves.)
9. EXT. HACIENDA BACK VERANDA
(Varl waits at the bottom of the hacienda steps for Stike. Stike strides up to the top of the stairs.)
VARL: (Saluting) Yes, sir?
STIKE: Return to the craft and contact Sontaran High Command. Report that we have possession of a functioning Time-Space Machine. Request permission to use it to rejoin our unit at the Madillon Cluster.
VARL: (Nodding) Yes, sir.
STIKE: And then set the craft to self-destruct. I intend to leave no-one alive here.
(Stike waves Varl away. Varl salutes in reply and marches off.)
10. INT. HACIENDA CELLAR
(The Second Doctor is being wheeled back to the operating table by Dastari and Shockeye.)
SECOND DOCTOR: No! You know what this precious pair have cooked up for you, don't you Shockeye?
DASTARI: (impatiently) Enough!
SECOND DOCTOR: (Panicky) No! I don't wanna be turned into an Androgum!
(Chessene emerges in the background and hits Shockeye in the chest with a laser-beam. Shockeye collapses onto the table behind him.)
SHOCKEYE: Ah! Chessene!
11. INT. HACIENDA KITCHEN
(The Sixth Doctor is standing over Peri, who is still lying on the table, looking for something to wake her up. He soon spots a jug of water he quickly picks up and empties onto her face. She wakes up with a start.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: Peri!
(Peri leans forward into a sitting position. The Doctor runs over and hugs her.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: Can you stand?
PERI: Ugh, my head. What happened?
(The Doctor pulls Peri off the table, into a standing position.)
SIXTH Doctor: Can you stand?
PERI: I... think so.
(Jamie beckons to them through the door. The Doctor quickly pushes Peri towards it.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: Come on, then! Let's get out of here.
12. INT. HACIENDA CELLARS
(Shockeye is on a bed identical to the Doctor's, lying in an unconscious slumber. Wires stretch a short distance over to the Doctor's bed, where the Doctor is shrouded in a large white sheet.)
CHESSENE: How long?
DASTARI: A few minutes, only. It's essentially the same operation I performed many times on you.
CHESSENE: But this time in reverse. This time you are taking from the Androgum, rather than augmenting.
DASTARI: The principle's no different. What will you do when Stike discovers the plan has been changed?
CHESSENE: I have no further use for Stike. He and his underling must be destroyed.
(Dastari looks disconcerted at this resolution, but says nothing.)
13. EXT. HACIENDA GROUNDS
(Jamie, Peri, and the Sixth Doctor all run away from the rear of the hacienda, and hide in a forested part of the grounds very near to the back door.)
JAMIE: What now? They've still got the Doctor.
SIXTH DOCTOR: And they're turning him into an Androgum!
JAMIE: How long will it take?
SIXTH DOCTOR: You heard Dastari: two operations. (Whispered) I'd have thought Stike would have acted by now.
SIXTH DOCTOR: He has a functioning time machine. I expect he'd kill both Chessene and Dastari before he leaves so why isn't my plan working?
JAMIE: (Confused) Your plan?
SIXTH DOCTOR: (Condescendingly) Jamie, you don't think someone of Stike's build can sneak up on me without my hearing him, do you?
JAMIE: (Realising) You knew he was there!
SIXTH DOCTOR: That's why I said what I did. Not all of it was strictly true, but he believed it because I was talking to you.
JAMIE: But the machine worked. I saw it!
SIXTH DOCTOR: Oh, yes. It worked for me. But it won't work for him. Because...I have...
(The Doctor reaches into his pocket and pulls out a circuit.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: ...the Briode Nebulizer.
14. INT. HACIENDA CELLAR
(Dastari and Chessene are still standing over the twin operating tables.)
DASTARI: I've given the Time Lord a 50% Androgum Inheritance. Within an hour it will become the dominant factor. I can then stabilize his cell structure.
CHESSENE: Before then we must deal with the Sontarans.
CHESSENE: Choronic acid.
(Chessene begins walking towards the cellar stairs. Dastari turns in her direction.)
DASTARI: We have no choronic acid.
CHESSENE: (Turning to face Dastari) I took the precaution of having three canister prepared before we left the station...just in case.
(Chessene walks up the stairs. Dastari follows. After they leave Shockeye begins to stir. Clearly the anaesthetic is wearing off. He begins to murmur and feel around with his hands. Once he feels the metal brace holding his chest onto the table he makes furious grunting noises and grabs the brace with both hands, and rips it out of the table, before bending it into pieces. He sits up and gives a similar brace around his ankles the same treatment. He then pauses in his rage, thinks for a moment, and comes to a realization.)
SHOCKEYE: Chessene... she betrayed me. (Loudly) You have fouled the blood of the Quawncing Grig!
(He then sees the Second Doctor's operating table next to his, still besheeted, next to his and storms over to it, ripping the sheet off. Revealed is the Androgum version of the Second Doctor, whose hair has receded, is covered in warts, pockmarked and sporting the same distinctive bright red eyebrows that Shockeye has. The Doctor grins.)
SECOND DOCTOR: Capitanes in brandy sauce.
SECOND DOCTOR: The stuffing of black pudding made of live pig's blood, herbs, and pepper! The breasts of the birds should be slit and studied with truffles.
SHOCKEYE: (Greedily) You know the cuisine of this planet?
SECOND DOCTOR: Of course I do! I have eaten pressed duck tu dajourn, dafidoliam corn food, made from rashes they're exquisite, Shockeye... (slowly) Why am I thinking of food?
SHOCKEYE: Because you are now an Androgum! Can you lead me to one of these eating places, to sample the local dishes?
SECOND DOCTOR: (Pompously) Of course I can, but you will need proper clothes! A collar! A neck tie, at least.
(Shockeye looks concerned for a moment, but then grins and turns to the Doctor.)
SHOCKEYE: (Slyly) I know where there are clothes...
(The two Androgums grin like imbeciles.)
15. EXT. HACIENDA GROUNDS / ICEHOUSE EXTERIOR
(The two Sontaran officers are patrolling the grounds at a leisurely pace, carrying two very large rifles with red barrels. Dastari beckons to them from the front gate, and they begin moving towards them. The Sixth Doctor, Jamie, and Peri are watching from cover.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: Action at last!
(The Doctor signals to Jamie and Peri and the three move stealthily forward to get a better view of things.)
DASTARI: Stike, Varl, this way.
(Dastari signals at the two to follow, and walks towards the icehouse, but Varl clearly has different ideas, as he raises his gun. Stike, however, is quick to push the barrel back down.)
STIKE: (Whispered) Not yet. Chessene first; she's more dangerous.
(Varl nods in mute agreement, and the pair follow Dastari. Meanwhile the Sixth Doctor and co. pop their heads up from behind the stone wall.)
STIKE: What is it, Dastari?
DASTARI: The Time Lord has returned. I saw him from the house.
STIKE: Where is he?
DASTARI: (Indicating the ice-house) He's in the passage. Chessene's waiting in the cellar. If you go in this way we'll have him trapped.
(Stike and Varl turn to each other, and come to an unstated agreement.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: (Interested) A double-double cross? (To Jamie) It gets more interesting by the minute!
16. INT. ICEHOUSE
(Varl rests his rifle down and opens the trapdoor, as Stike closes the door behind him. Varl hands his rifle to Stike, and climbs down into the passageway. Stike then passes the two rifles down to Varl, and climbs down himself.)
17. INT. SECRET PASSAGEWAY
(Stike reaches the bottom of the ladder, and Varl gives him his rifle back. The two start to move down the tunnel.)
18. INT. ICEHOUSE
(Chessene enters, carrying two large canisters. She walks right up to the very edge of the trap door.)
19. INT. SECRET PASSAGEWAY
(Simultaneously Stike and Varl stop and look up sharply, training their rifle in response to a noise.)
20. INT. ICEHOUSE
(Chessene calmly drops one of the canisters down the trapdoor, before quickly backing away.)
21. INT. SECRET PASSAGEWAY
(The canister lands right next to Varl and detonates, exploding in a violent shower of sparks like a firework. He drops his gun and grips his face, howling in pain as he does so. As he screams he falls down onto his knees and then flat on his face. Enraged, Stike fires his rifle in response, but does not find his mark.)
22. INT. ICEHOUSE
(Chessene quickly runs back to the trapdoor and tosses the last canister down into the tunnel.)
23. INT. SECRET PASSAGEWAY
(The Canister lands right next to Stike, who too drops his rifle and covers his face with his hands while screaming in pain. Stike, however, has the strength remaining to make his way down the passageway, clear of the ongoing acid burst.)
24. EXT. HACIENDA GROUNDS / ICEHOUSE EXTERIOR
(Chessene emerges from the icehouse, looking very pleased with herself. The Sixth Doctor, Jamie, and Peri are watching her from behind the same stone wall, but quickly duck of sight when she walks past. Chessene then proceeds into the hacienda, and the Sixth Doctor and co. emerge through the hacienda gate.)
JAMIE: Well, it looks like Chessene's won.
SIXTH DOCTOR: Yeah...
(Suddenly Peri sees something.)
(Peri has seen Shockeye and the Second Doctor emerging through another gate near the rear of the hacienda. They are now both wearing matching frock coats along with light grey top hats, walking with their arms linked. They make quite the pair. Fortunately they have not seen the others and are talking to each other.)
SECOND DOCTOR: Mild pate, I think, Shockeye, followed by a bisque de creibon, hmm?
(The Sixth Doctor and co. have walked back through the gate and a staring out at the two Androgums making their way down the road in disbelief.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: Now where are they going?
JAMIE: They look quite pal-ly.
25. INT. HACIENDA CELLARS
(Dastari walks out from behind the Kartz-Reimer module and does a double-take when he sees the empty operating tables.)
DASTARI: (Shocked) Where have they gone?
CHESSENE: They're hunting for food.
DASTARI: If the Doctor isn't stabilized within the hour-
CHESSENE: (Impatiently) He'll reject the transfusion: I'm well aware of that.
DASTARI: We must find them!
(Dastari moves off to search the grounds but Chessene halts him with an outstretched hand.)
CHESSENE: Wait. On this planet there are few hunting. The Doņa Arana remembers many restaurants in Seville. That is where they will be. Come!
(Chessene heads towards the stairs in her usual determined stride. Dastari follows. Once they have left a badly wounded Stike emerges from the shadow of a pillar.)
STIKE: (Lowly) Treacherous hag! I shall return to destroy this Androgum filth...
26. EXT. OLD COUNTRY ROAD
(Shockeye and the Second Doctor are walking down an old and misused road which is presumably near the hacienda, their arms still linked.)
SHOCKEYE: Tell me, on this planet do they ever eat their own?
SECOND DOCTOR: I believe in the Far Indies it has been known... but I remember a dish... 'shepherd's pie'
SHOCKEYE: (Excitedly) 'Shepherd's pie'? A shepherd? Can't we walk quicker?
(As Shockeye and the Second Doctor disappear from view we see the Sixth Doctor, Jamie and Peri silently running up the road... a fair way behind but closing the gap...)
27. EXT. MODERN ROADWAY
(The Second Doctor and Shockeye are walking along the old road, but it seems to have come to a point where it converges with a newer road. A truck is passing along the new road.)
SECOND DOCTOR: Wait! There's a machine coming!
(The Second Doctor excitedly runs onto the new road and beckons frantically with exaggerated hand movements for the truck to stop. Even as it slides to a halt right in front of him he continues waving his hands like a madman. Once the truck has come to a halt he grins at his ingenuity and tips his top hat to the driver. Meanwhile, we see Shockeye grab a large piece of a tree branch off the road side. The driver of the truck gets out of the cabin and addresses the Doctor.)
DRIVER: Amo de casa ni?
(The driver, however, is interrupted when Shockeye whacks him in the back with his bit of tree branch and throws him out of the cab. Shockeye ecstatically grabs the Second Doctor by the shoulders.)
SHOCKEYE: Can you drive this machine?
SECOND DOCTOR: Of course I can! Get in, my friend!
(The Doctor climbs into the driver's seat, throwing off his top hat in the process, while Shockeye excitedly runs around to the passenger's side.)
SECOND DOCTOR: We shall be in Seville in five minutes!
(The Sixth Doctor and co. run up the road in time to see the Second Doctor and Shockeye drive off in their stolen vehicle. They then see the body of the driver. He is dead.)
JAMIE: I can't believe that was my Doctor; j-just standing there, letting a man get killed!
SIXTH DOCTOR: Right now I'm afraid he's 80% Androgum. And by the time the effect reaches me it will be close to100%
PERI: (Panicky) Reaches you?
SIXTH DOCTOR: And it WILL. Unless we can save him. (Touches hand to forehead) I'm already beginning to feel ...changes.
JAMIE: Eh? (Exasperated) Well, COME ON then!
(The Sixth Doctor nods and runs after the truck. Jamie is quick to follow, but Peri seems exhausted, so Jamie pushes her in front of him until she reaches her stride. The unlikely trio sprint down the road after the rapidly disappearing truck, which has just rounded the corner.)
28. INT. HACIENDA CELLARS
(Stike's badly burnt hands, which in many places have been burnt through to his green flesh, remove the control panel from the outside of the Kartz-Reimer module. He then opens the door to the module, and sits down, carefully placing the control panel into a vacant compartment already prepared for them. He then closes the door and keys his co-ordinates into the device. Instantly the module kicks into action, making similar electronic noises as before, but now faster and more erratic, and it begins shaking violently from side to side. Stike quickly comes to the conclusion that something is badly wrong and tries to open the module door again, but by now the wiring behind him is sparking and electricity is shooting out. He finally opens the door and falls out, face first onto the floor, as smoke pours out of the decimated module's workings. His body is now further mutilated, with more gashes in his head revealing his green flesh, but he is still not quite dead. Stike seems to suddenly remember something important.)
STIKE: My spaceship!
29. EXT. SEVILLE SQUARE
(The Sixth Doctor, Jamie, and Peri walk around a very large fountain, looking around for a sign of the two Androgums.)
JAMIE: Ah, look, we'll never find 'em here, Doctor.
PERI: It's too big.
SIXTH DOCTOR: (Pointing) Look!
(The others follow his gaze and see the same truck that Shockeye and the Second Doctor were driving in. The three run over to it and examine it closely.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: Can't be more than a minute ahead of us. (Points) This way, I think.
(They begin running in the direction he indicated.)
PERI: How d'you know?
SIXTH DOCTOR: Peri, it is me we're following!
(Meanwhile we see Chessene and Dastari are surveying the streets from the vantage point of a horse drawn hansom cab. From the expressions on their faces it does not appear the search has been particularly fruitful.)
30. VARIOUS SEVILLE STREETS
(The Sixth Doctor and co. are walking down a street on the pavement.)
JAMIE: I still don't understand it.
(They stop walking.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: What?
JAMIE: Well, that you and the Doctor... well, my Doctor are the same person.
SIXTH DOCTOR: Of course we're the same. But... different. You only have to see how my sartorial taste has improved, for instance.
PERI: But how can two of you be together at the same point of space and time?
SIXTH DOCTOR: When you travel around as much as I do, it's almost inevitable that you'll run into yourself at some point. Come on.
(They set off walking again. Meanwhile Shockeye and the Second Doctor are walking around, still arm-in-arm.)
SHOCKEYE: Personally I have never seen the necessity for starting a meal with a, er, ah, what was your name for it again?
SECOND DOCTOR: Au d'erve.
(The Second Doctor stops walking and sits on the edge of a roadside fountain.)
SHOCKEYE: Ah, quite unnecessary, in my opinion. Eight, or nine, main dishes are quite enough in my opinion.
(Shockeye scoops of large handfuls of water out of the fountain and uses them to wash his face.)
SECOND DOCTOR: But on this planet it is the custom. All the greatest chefs agree, Carema, Bria Samaranch, the noblest Scorpie, they all agree that a meal should begin with a light dish, something to bring relish to the appetite. Pate du frau'dar deStrasburg on raw food, for instance, or a serving of beylon oysters.
(Shockeye moans in longing for the dishes the Doctor is describing.)
SECOND DOCTOR: Even a, even a light salad with... artichoke hearts and country ham will suffice, it gets the digestive juices flowing!
SHOCKEYE: (Longingly) How much further is this place?
(The two link arms once more and stand up.)
SECOND DOCTOR: It's just around the corner, if I remember rightly.
(Meanwhile the Sixth Doctor and co. walk through an alleyway, only to see Chessene and Dastari walking past on the other side. All three of them quickly jump into a doorway to hide. The Doctor motions Jamie and Peri into silence. Dastari and Chessene stare into the alleyway in confusion, but Chessene obviously disregards it quickly and they move off to a restaurant and investigate it. The Doctor and co. emerge from the alleyway and watch them for a moment. The Sixth Doctor comes to a realization.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: They're checking the restaurants! Something I should have thought of a long while ago. Come on, let's find them before Chessene does.
(They run down the street Chessene came up. Meanwhile Dastari emerges from the Cantina del Laurel, with apparently no success. His attention is caught by a falling rose, and he looks up to a dark, middle-aged woman looking down on him from a balcony, grinning playfully. Dastari seems confused by this, but picks up the rose and twirls it absent-mindedly in his fingers as he walks off to find Chessene.)
31. EXT. HACIENDA COURTYARD
(Stike crashes through the hacienda's front door, coughing violently and barely able to keep his balance. His uniform and skin is now visibly more torn than before. Struggling, he manages to reach the gate and open it, but only just. It then cuts to a longshot from which we see the massive explosion of Stike's scoutship to the fore of the hacienda. The whole house shakes in response.)
32. INT. LAS CADENAS RESTAURANT
(A genial Oscar Botcheby, in his black tuxedo reserved for his maitre'd duties, is handing out menus to his guests. He whispers instructions to a waiter in Spanish before turning his attention to his new arrivals (near where Anita sits with a reservations book)... the Second Doctor and Shockeye.)
OSCAR: Welcome to Las Cadenas, seņors. (Noting their clothes) How delightful to have some customers of the 'old school' Er, may I enquire if you have a booking?
SHOCKEYE: (Taken aback) Booking? I want food!
OSCAR: Hmmm. No reservation. Well, come this way.
(He leads the Doctor and Shockeye through the many seated guests and tables.)
OSCAR: Fortunately I have an excellent table for you.
(Shockeye sniffs the air as he walks, savouring the flavours in the air. They reach their table and the Doctor seats himself, while Oscar pulls out Shockeye's chair. Shockeye ignores this gesture and speaks to Oscar directly.)
SHOCKEYE: Do you serve humans here?
OSCAR: Most of the time, sir.
(Shockeye moans and sits in his chair, nearly drooling. Oscar, however, is chuckling at what he believes to be a joke.)
OSCAR: Yes, I think I can safely say that most of our customers are human, sir.
(Shockeye grabs ahold of Oscar's arm as his patience snaps.)
SHOCKEYE: (Angrily) I mean human meat you fawning imbecile!
OSCAR: (Politely) No, sir. I'm afraid the nouvelle cuisine has not yet penetrated this establishment.
(Oscar grins at what he clearly thinks is quite a clever gag. Shockeye lets go of his arm and is clearly disappointed.)
OSCAR: (To waiter) Juan?
32. EXT. STREETS OF SEVILLE
(Peri emerges from a very large yellow brick restaurant, and runs up a side street to find the others. Elsewhere the Sixth Doctor comes to another restaurant from which Jamie emerges, shrugging. Peri runs up behind them and the Sixth Doctor turns to meet her.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: No luck?
PERI: No. Just a load of tourists eating paella and chips.
SIXTH DOCTOR: No. Didn't look the sort of place. They'd have gone for somewhere more elaborate...arate.
(The Doctor is staring transfixed at something on ground level.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: Hmm. This cat.
PERI: What about it?
SIXTH DOCTOR: Well... (Licking his lips) they say there's more than one way to cook a cat...
(He leans down to the cat)
SIXTH DOCTOR: Here, pussy pussy puss-puss! Here, little puss...
(The cat does the wise thing and runs away as fast as it can. Peri grabs the Doctor by the shoulder and kneels beside him.)
PERI: Doctor, what are you doing?
SIXTH DOCTOR: They can make quite good eating. Small mammals are quite flavoursome when baked!
PERI: (Seriously confused) What are you saying? I don't understand...
SIXTH DOCTOR: (Slowly) I'm turning becoming an Androgum...
(He stands up and puts his hand to his forehead in shock, and stumbles forward.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: I'm turning into an Androgum!
(Jamie and Peri run over to comfort him.)
PERI: You can't!
JAMIE: You're not an Androgum; you're a Time Lord! Pull yerself together, Doctor!
SIXTH DOCTOR: (Panting) Yes...yes, that's right... a Time Lord.
(He runs off, and his two exasperated companions follow. The Doctor runs over to a fountain and rests his head in it, breathing loudly, as if in a fever. After a few moments he rises his head up again.)
JAMIE: Are ya better now?
SIXTH DOCTOR: Yes...yes, I'm alright... for the moment.
33. INT. LAS CADENAS RESTAURANT
(Oscar is stunned, staring at a piece of paper that Anita has handed him.)
OSCAR: What on Earth have they had? I mean, no one can run up a bill like that, eighty one thousand, six hundred pesetas.
ANITA: What? Let me see...
(Anita snatches the piece of paper and begins reading off it.)
ANITA: They've had lobsters, clams, and squid, brains in white sauce, two cold suckling pigs, a ham with peas, eight steaks, and an entire family paella!
OSCAR: (disbelievingly) A whole paella?
OSCAR: That's twelve servings!
ANITA: ...they just ordered a dozen breasts of pigeons, probably to help down the last of their dozen bottles of wine.
OSCAR: A gargantuan repast! It's incredible!
(Oscar moves out to confront the Androgums. Anita follows closely behind. Oscar then sees the Second Doctor and Shockeye's table, which is covered in various plates adorned with carcasses of all shapes and sizes. The two are still munching away industriously.)
OSCAR: And they're still eating!
34. EXT. STREETS OF SEVILLE
(The Sixth Doctor and co. are still walking through the streets, and come to a tunnel. They decide to pass through it to the other side of the road, but they then see Dastari and Chessene walking pass, and hug the wall closely. Chessene and Dastari pause for a moment...but then resume walking quickly. The Doctor has clearly gone undetected.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: (Indicating the upper side of their road) They've covered that way; let's walk up this.
35. INT. LAS CADENAS RESTAURANT
(Oscar is standing behind the bar, but Anita is addressing him from the other side strongly.)
ANITA: I think they should pay for this.
OSCAR: Yes (Picks up the bill) Well, leave it to me.
(Oscar determinedly walks over to the Second Doctor and Shockeye, holding the bill timidly in front of him. The Doctor and Shockeye are still shoveling food into their mouths. Naturally he addresses the Androgums in his usual kindly fashion.)
OSCAR: I trust everything is to your satisfaction, gentlemen?
SHOCKEYE: (With his mouth full) Oh, tolerable, tolerable...
OSCAR: Good, and I must say what a pleasure it has been to see two such...dedicated trenchermen, enjoying their food. (Holding out the bill) Unfortunately the reckoning is rather high...
(Shockeye takes the note and looks at it in confusion. He turns it around it shows it to Oscar.)
SHOCKEYE: What is this?
OSCAR: Well, it's the amount you owe, sir.
(Shockeye looks at the bill again, but gives up and shows it to the Doctor.)
SHOCKEYE: Do you understand this?
SECOND DOCTOR: (Wiping mouth with his handkerchief) He is asking for money.
SECOND DOCTOR: (Wearily) Tokens of exchange.
(Shockeye holds the bill out to Oscar again and addresses him.)
SHOCKEYE: This is our tally?
OSCAR: Yes, sir.
(Shockeye rests the bill on the table, and fishes a single note out from somewhere on his person, and hands it over to Oscar.)
(He resumes eating. Oscar looks a bit confused.)
OSCAR: I'm sorry, sir... I mean, I can see you're a wit as well as a prom de fromme but this, er, whatever-it-is is not acceptable.
(Oscar lays the note back on the table next to Shockeye's arm. Shockeye is very taken aback.)
SHOCKEYE: (Angrily) That is a twenty Narg note! You can change that anywhere in the Nine Planets!
OSCAR: Well, it's not acceptable here, sir.
36. EXT. LAS CADENAS RESTAURANT
(The Sixth Doctor and Jamie and Peri have come to the outside of Oscar's restaurant. Peri is the first to notice the sign.)
PERI: Hey, 'Lass cadinass'
SIXTH DOCTOR: (Correcting her pronunciation) Las Cadenas!
PERI: Well isn't it where Oscar worked?
JAMIE: Aye, I think that was the name. Mind you, there seems to be more places to eat in this town than ya find fleas on a dog!
SIXTH DOCTOR: (Hungrily) Dog? Where?!
(The Doctor realizes it's the Androgum speaking again and quickly shakes it off. He goes towards the restaurant and beckons the others to follow him.)
37. INT. LAS CADENAS RESTAURANT
(Oscar is glumly examining Shockeye's twenty Narg note. Anita is pacing irritably in the background. She stops and walks right up next to Oscar.)
ANITA: Oscar, you must stop them!
OSCAR: Yes...yes I must!
(He walks off to confront the Androgums once again. We see that the Second Doctor has now fallen asleep on the table cloth, but Shockeye is still devouring food. This time he is distinctly no-nonsense in his approach.)
OSCAR: Gentleman, if this is a joke it has gone on long enough. If you don't wish to pay cash we can accept any recognised credit card.
(Shockeye is very angered by this. He picks up a steak knife and slowly stands up, pointing the knife towards Oscar's throat.)
SHOCKEYE: I will pay you...with this.
OSCAR: (Terrified) What?
(Shockeye holds the knife to Oscar chests and walks towards him. Oscar nervously backs away. Anita is backed against a table, terrified. Guests look up in alarm)
SHOCKEYE: Your whining impudency has acidized my digestive juices!
(Shockeye stabs Oscar in the heart. He cries out in pain, and we hear Anita scream, as Shockeye quickly runs from the scene. Oscar weakly clambers himself into a chair, just as the Sixth Doctor, Peri and Jamie come running in.)
(The three run over to Oscar. The Sixth Doctor kneels in front of him and grabs his hand.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: What happened?
OSCAR: (Weakly) Oh, officer. Promptly on the scene as always.
SIXTH DOCTOR: (Unbuttoning Oscar's shirt) Let me see that...
OSCAR: Ridiculous thing to happen... dissatisfied customers usually just don't leave a tip!
(Jamie sees the Second Doctor and goes off to help him.)
ANITA: You're going to be alright, Oscar. I phoned for the ambulance and the Worthy of Seville.
(Oscar shakes his head)
OSCAR: No, I'm afraid this is Botcheby's last curtain call.
OSCAR: (sad) No-one will ever see my definitive Hamlet, now.
PERI: We will! We'll all be there on the first night, Oscar.
OSCAR: (whispered) To die...to sleep. To sleep, perchance to dream... (Loudly) Where are you, Anita?
ANITA: (Clasping his hand tighter) I'm here!
OSCAR: Please...take care of my beautiful moths.
(Oscar's eyes widen and his head slumps back. He is most definitely dead. Anita holds his head and sobs weakly. Peri looks upset, and not sure of what to say.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: (Grimly) Good night, sweet prince.
(Jamie grabs the Sixth Doctor by the shoulders and points to the sleeping Second Doctor.)
JAMIE: Doctor, just look at the Doctor! His face!
(The Androgum-style boils and red eyebrows disappear from the Second Doctor's face, and his fringe rapidly regrows. Clearly the Androgum genes have reverted and he is a Time Lord once more. The Sixth Doctor pulls the Second Doctor upright.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: Can you walk?
SECOND DOCTOR: (Groggily) Of course I can walk!
SIXTH DOCTOR: Well, come on, then!
(He hauls the Second Doctor up and groans under the weight.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: Come on!
(He sets the Second Doctor upright on his feet. It's clear he won't manage well. The Sixth Doctor sighs and begins dragging the Second Doctor out.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: I am a police officer, sir, follow me.
SECOND DOCTOR: (Indignantly) What is this?
SIXTH DOCTOR: Anything you do say-
SECOND DOCTOR: (furiously) Who do you think you are?
(The Doctors leave and still be heard shouting at each other from inside. Peri is still comforting Anita by Oscar's body, but Jamie taps her on the shoulder and indicates they should follow the Doctors before he leaves. Peri hesitates but then follows Jamie, leaving Anita to grieve alone.)
38. EXT. LAS CADENAS RESTAURANT
SIXTH DOCTOR: Now you come along with me!
SECOND DOCTOR: How dare you?! (Shaking off the Sixth Doctor's grip) Let go of me!
(The Sixth Doctor points up the street.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: This way!
(The Second Doctor points down the street.)
SECOND DOCTOR: No! This way!
(The Sixth Doctor angrily shoves an accusing finger into the Second Doctor's face.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: Now, look, you got me into this mess!
PERI: (distraught) Will you two please stop squabbling?
(She points down a side-street.)
PERI: We'll go this way.
(Peri walks off and the two doctors reluctantly follow. But when they reach the gateway to the side street they are stopped by the sound of Chessene's voice.)
CHESSENE (V.O) No.
(They turn to see Chessene holding a laser gun, with Dastari in tow.)
CHESSENE: You'll come this way. We have some unfinished business to attend to.
(The Second Doctor puts his hands up in surrender. The others promptly copy him. Chessene gestures behind down the path, and the Sixth Doctor walks forward. He stops briefly to give Peri an accusing look, but carries on walking. The others soon follow him.)
39. INT. DOŅA ARANA'S BEDROOM
(Shockeye is in front of the mirror and has clearly just changed back into his traditional Androgum garb. He hears something, and moves over to the window and opens it slowly to investigate. He sees Chessene herding the prisoners into the hacienda's front doors. This seems to please him.)
40. INT. HACIENDA RECEPTION HALL
(As Chessene, Dastari and their prisoners enter they see that the room has been decimated. Ruined furniture lies everywhere.)
SECOND DOCTOR: Oh, my word, what a mess!
SIXTH DOCTOR: Hmmm. I think, perhaps Dastari, you ought to sack your Chatelaine.
(Shockeye enters, carrying a large but indiscernible object in his right hand.)
CHESSENE: What has happened here?
SHOCKEYE: It seems that Group Marshall Stike vaporised his spaceship... and himself.
(He holds up the item in his left hand...a severed Sontaran leg.)
SHOCKEYE: I found this.
DASTARI: So he survived the Coronic acid?
(Chessene hands her laser pistol to Shockeye, who brandishes it wildly at the prisoners.)
CHESSENE: Down to the cellars. You know the way, I think.
(They all file away to the stairway, but Shockeye lags behind, and place his precious Sontaran leg carefully on a chair.)
41. INT. HACIENDA CELLARS
(Chessene and Dastari examine the Kartz-Reimer Module closely.)
CHESSENE: The control box has been moved...is it damaged?
(Dastari inspects it closer.)
DASTARI: The Briode Nebuliser: it's gone.
(The Sixth Doctor steps forward and pulls the Nebuliser out of his waistcoat pocket.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: (Innocently) You mean this?
CHESSENE: Why did you remove it?
SIXTH DOCTOR: Because it contains my Symbiotic print.
(Chessene takes the Briode Nebuliser and hands it to Dastari.)
CHESSENE: Return this to the machine.
DASTARI: How did your Time Lord print get onto this?
SIXTH DOCTOR: Stike forced me to prime and use the machine.
(Dastari inserts the Briode Nebuliser into the module's control box.)
CHESSENE: There is a simple way to see if you are still trying to deceive us.
(Chessene nods at Dastari, and then moves towards the prisoners and grabs Peri.)
CHESSENE: Come, girl.
(The Second Doctor and Jamie move forward to help her on instinct, but Shockeye waves his pistol at them and they back down in response. Chessene drags Peri over to the module. Peri looks extremely worried, and looks to the Sixth Doctor. The Doctor gives a reassuring nod in response. Chessene pushes Peri into the module and closes the door after her. She then moves over to Dastari, who is holding the control box which he has clearly removed from the inside of the module.)
CHESSENE: Now we shall see.
(Dastari enters the necessary commands, and the whirring noises of the module begin. Peri is still visibly worried, wringing her hands in distress. But the module successfully de-materialises.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: (Chirpy) You see?
DASTARI: Kartz and Reimer performed many experiments like this. The subject always vapourised into the time stream.
SIXTH DOCTOR: Peri won't. And she hasn't any Symbiotic Nuclei, I can assure you.
(Dastari looks to Chessene, who gives a nod. Dastari punches in some more commands and the module slowly dematerializes in the exact same position as before. Peri is still inside. Chessene opens the module door.)
CHESSENE: (Curtly) Out.
(Peri slowly walks out, as Chessene closes the module door.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: Satisfied?
CHESSENE: Dastari, chain these creatures up.
SIXTH DOCTOR: (Indignantly) Chain us up? After I've handed you the secret of time travel on a plate?! Come on, Chessene! Where's your gratitude
(Dastari forcefully pushes Peri and co. down deeper into the cellars. Chessene walks over to Shockeye and takes the pistol out of his hands.)
SHOCKEYE: Madam, before we leave let me cook one of the humans!
CHESSENE: Didn't you sate your appetite sufficiently in Seville?
SHOCKEYE: (Reproachfully) A slight snack! You promised me we would have a human before we left Earth!
CHESSENE: Well, if it would please you. Take the one in the skirt. He's the youngest of the jacks.
SHOCKEYE: (Licking his lips) Thank you, madam.
(Dastari has just finished tying the Second and Sixth Doctors to a pillar. Jamie is standing nearby, unsure of what to do, when Shockeye grabs his arm from behind and begins to drag him toward the cellar stairs. Jamie cries out in pain.)
SHOCKEYE: Ah, steady my beauty! Haha! Ho, there's some meat on this one, Chessene!
SECOND DOCTOR: Jamie!
(Dastari, having manacled Peri to the adjacent pillar, meaningfully lowers the manacle keys onto a small table in front of the two Doctors while he points his gun at them. He stalks away.)
SECOND DOCTOR: (Indignantly) You might at least say goodbye! (To the Sixth Doctor) You're almost as clever as I am.
PERI: What do you mean?
SECOND DOCTOR: (Ignoring her) I'm assuming you sabotaged the Briode Nebuliser?
SIXTH DOCTOR: Paired the interface.
SECOND DOCTOR: Precisely what I would have done.
PERI: (Confused) But it worked, didn't it?
SIXTH DOCTOR: I left a thin membrane so it would work once. I knew she'd want to test it.
SECOND DOCTOR: (Impatiently) There's no need to be so smug: we've got to get Jamie out of that butcher's hands!
BOTH DOCTORS: (To Peri) Can you reach that wheelchair?
PERI: (Indignantly) I'm not elastic!
SECOND DOCTOR: I think you can reach it with your feet. If you try.
(Peri pulls herself forward slowly, and then reaches out with her feet to get a grip on the base rung of the wheelchair.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: Good girl!
PERI: What's the idea, Doctor?
SECOND DOCTOR: Push it over towards him.
PERI: Why? He's not going anywhere!
SECOND DOCTOR: Come on!
(Peri pushes the wheelchair over to the Sixth Doctor, who also pulls it towards himself using his feet.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: That's it!
(The Sixth Doctor swings the chair around to be right in front of him using his feet, and aims it towards the table on which Dastari placed the keys.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: What do you think?
SECOND DOCTOR: Might work. It's worth a try.
(The Sixth Doctor pushes the wheelchair with his feet until it is underneath the table in front of them. He then wedges one foot in-between the seat cushion and the chair rest, and places the other one on the top of the chair rest. He then pulls both his feet downwards suddenly, which flips the wheelchair and the table over, which in turn knocks the keys onto the ground. The Sixth Doctor pulls the keys towards him and then underneath him, to get at the manacles. He grabs the keys with his hands and begins to unlock the cuffs. He gets out of the cuffs, and then turns around and begins to unlock the Second Doctor's hands, when he hears a scream from above.)
SECOND DOCTOR: Oh, never mind me! That's Jamie! Help him!
(The Sixth Doctor runs off towards the stairs.)
SECOND DOCTOR: (Exasperated) The keys!
(The Sixth Doctor stops, and slides the keys across the floor back to the Second Doctor, and then starts running again.)
42. INT. HACIENDA KITCHEN
(Jamie is tied onto the table in the middle of the kitchen, screaming as Shockeye administers him with a large device that resembles a power-drill except it is tipped with a flat surface that vibrates and glows red. He presses the device against Jamie's legs and it makes a whirring noise while Jamie screams in agony. Dastari walks in, and Shockeye stops abruptly.)
DASTARI: What are you doing?
SHOCKEYE: (Reproachfully) Oh, er, tenderizing the meat. (Pointing) Oh, see how the flesh is marvelling there. That's the fatty tissue breaking up.
(Shockeye moves in to tenderize Jamie's chest.)
DASTARI: Kill him first.
SHOCKEYE: (Condescendingly) It works better on a live animal.
(He presses the tenderizer onto Jamie's chest. Jamie cries out in pain once again.)
DASTARI: It looks very painful.
SHOCKEYE: That's simply a...a nervous reflex. I've been cooking all my life. Primitive creatures don't feel pain in the way that we would.
(Shockeye tenderizes Jamie's stomach. Jamie grits his teeth and moans in pain as Shockeye laughs gleefully. We see that the Sixth Doctor is watching this from the stairs in the hall. Shockeye washes his hands and then grabs a sizeable knife.)
SHOCKEYE: Now this is the part, I always say, where you can tell a butcher from a botcher: the meat should always have a clean edge.
(Shockeye brings the knife down towards Jamie's neck, but just before he can make the cut Chessene comes storming in.)
CHESSENE: Dastari, you fool! One of the Time Lords has escaped!
DASTARI: That's impossible!
CHESSENE: You couldn't have fastened the manacle properly!
DASTARI: (Indignant) I did!
CHESSENE: Don't argue! It's vital that he be caught and killed.
DASTARI: Chessene, listen to me: to kill a Time Lord would mean the destruction of everything we've achieved! The Gallifreyans have powers we cannot dream of!
CHESSENE: (Furiously) Kill him, I tell you! KILL HIM!
(Chessene pushes a gun into Dastari's hands. He reluctantly accepts it and sullenly leaves the room. Shockeye, who has been watching this silently moves back over towards Jamie's prone body.)
SHOCKEYE: This will only take a moment, I promise, madam... I thought we could have the saddle and haunches for supper.
CHESSENE: (Impatiently) Never mind that now, Shockeye! I want that Time Lord found!
(Chessene leaves. Shockeye rest the knife down by the sink and follows her.)
43. INT. HACIENDA RECEPTION HALL
(Satisfied that the Androgums are gone the Sixth Doctor sneaks down the stairway and tip-toes into the kitchen.)
44. INT. HACIENDA KITCHEN
(The Sixth Doctor slaps Jamie on the face to try and wake him.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: (Whispering) Jamie? Jamie? Can you hear me?
(The Doctor grabs a knife off the counter and cuts the ropes holding Jamie onto the table. He then grabs Jamie and tries to wake him again.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: Jamie! Wake up
(As the Doctor moves to cut the last of Jamie's bonds Shockeye comes in through the door and wrests the knife out of the Doctor's arm. The Doctor strafes around to the other side of the table, and Shockeye begins to circle him with the knife.)
SHOCKEYE: I thought you might return; to help the primitive.
(The Doctor quickly tries to untie the rope around Jamie's right hand, but as soon as he stops moving Shockeye jumps forward and slashes at the back of the Doctor's wrist, and in turn wounding his leg. The Doctor yelps out in pain and hops out the door. Shockeye moves after him, but pauses when he reaches the doorway, seemingly in doubt whether or not to leave Jamie unattended.)
45. EXT. HACIENDA COURTYARD
(The Sixth Doctor hops out the door, but as soon as he hits the stairs he falls straight down. He quickly scrambles to his feet and half-limps half-hops out the gate moments before Shockeye appears in the doorway wielding his knife. Chessene comes running across the courtyard towards him, with Dastari in tow.)
CHESSENE: Shockeye! The Time Lord.
SHOCKEYE: I know, madam. I wounded him. Look.
(He points with his knife to a splatter of blood lying on the cobblestones.)
CHESSENE: Then follow his blood trail. Kill him, Shockeye.
SHOCKEYE: (Gleefully) Certainly, madam!
(Shockeye runs off, but Chessene simply stands still, staring at the blood on the ground. She slowly backs away from it, but she seems to be overcome with emotion. Suddenly she crawls into a lying position across the ground and presses her hand firm against the blood. When she turns her hand over the palm is stained completely with blood. She slowly raises it up to her nose, and smells it gingerly. She then gives into temptation, and begins lapping it up with her tongue. Dastari looks away in disgust.)
46. INT. HACIENDA KITCHEN
(Jamie has regained consciousness and is moaning softly. He gradually raises his head, and then notices the cut bonds on his wrist. Once he sees these he sets his jaw and struggles up into a standing position, before grabbing the knife off the bench and slashing away the last thread of rope on his left arm.)
JAMIE: Right. I'll have that Shockeye, so will.
47. INT. HACIENDA CELLARS
(The Second Doctor finishes unlocking Peri's manacles and pulls her to her feet.)
SECOND DOCTOR: Come on, Peri. It's time we were off.
(They run over to the stairs only be met by Dastari coming down.)
DASTARI: (Raising his gun) Chessene wants me to kill you.
(Peri and the Doctor meekly raise their arms in surrender.)
48. EXT. HACIENDA GROUNDS
(The Sixth Doctor is doing a limping-run down a hill, with Shockeye in hot pursuit, brandishing his knife and yelling wildly.)
SHOCKEYE: Your life has ended, Time Lord!
(The Doctor rounds another hill, but grabs his leg moaning in pain. Shockeye is closing on him.)
SHOCKEYE: Give up, Time Lord, you cannot escape Shockeye o' the Quawncing Grig!
49. EXT. SMALL COPSE
(The Doctor runs through a small area nestled between two hills, breathing heavily with fatigue. He falls weakly onto the ground in front of a tree, but notices some unusual gear on the ground in front of him. He picks up one of the items in front of him and recognizes it as a butterfly net: clearly Oscar's. He then turns his attention to a jar lying next to it, which he opens and sniffs gingerly the powder inside. He gives a sideways glance in Shockeye's direction: clearly he has an idea.)
50. EXT. HACIENDA GROUNDS
(Shockeye still runs after the Doctor, his determination not fleeting for a minute.)
51. EXT. SMALL COPSE
(The Doctor pours the cyanide powder from Oscar's jar into a handkerchief, then pulls a canteen out of Oscar's bag and pours the liquid over the cyanide, causing it to steam gently. Shockeye has now reached the copse, and draws the large ceremonial scimitar he has on his belt, breathing heavily in anticipation, but he does not see where the Doctor is.)
SHOCKEYE: The blood is warm and soft, Time Lord.
(Shockeye walks slowly further into the copse.)
SHOCKEYE: I know how near you are!
(Shockeye rounds a large tree, and the Doctor jumps him from behind. The Doctor jams the butterfly net over Shockeye's head, and then shoves the handkerchief right into Shockeye's noise. Shockeye struggles and writhes in pain, but it is to no avail. He falls limp, and the Doctor lowers him onto the ground slowly. The Doctor looks down at Shockeye's dead body and sighs.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: Your just deserts.
52. INT. HACIENDA CELLARS
(Jamie is edging down the stairs, looking around himself cautiously, with his knife drawn. Once he has reached the bottom of the steps he hears Chessene behind him and so ducks into the alcove beneath the stairs. Chessene comes down the stairs with her gun drawn, and fails completely to spot Jamie, who emerges from the alcove and sneaks along behind her. The voices of Dastari and the Second Doctor become audible.)
DASTARI (V.O): I remember it very clearly, Doctor.
SECOND DOCTOR (V.O): There speaks the real Dastari...
(Dastari and the Second Doctor are by near the Kartz-Reimer Module in the middle of the cellar, talking quite genially. The Second Doctor clutches Dastari affectionately by the shoulders as he talks, and Peri watches, clearly quite happy to see this turn for the better.)
SECOND DOCTOR: (Continued) ...my old friend!
(The three of them make to move off, but when they turn around they are met by Chessene brandishing her pistol.)
CHESSENE: I ordered you to kill these two. Why are they still alive?
DASTARI: There's been enough killing, Chessene. It's my fault. I took an Androgum, a lowly, unworthy creature of instinct, and tried to set it among the gods!
CHESSENE: I set myself among the gods! And now I shall liberate my people! With me as their leader they shall reign over all other beings.
(Chessene shoots Dastari, who drops to the ground in an instant. Peri shrieks, but the Second Doctor drags her to safety behind the Kartz-Reimer module. Chessene follows them as they try to run into the cover of the wine shelves at the back of the cellar.)
(Realising that they are caught in Chessene's sights with nowhere to run, they do so. But Jamie, who is under cover, throws his knife expertly at Chessene, and it severs her gun into pieces. Panicking, Chessene dashes into the Kartz-Reimer module and enters the dematerialization codes. The device starts shaking erratically and Chessene looks very disconcerted. Jamie, who is watching this all, beckons the Second Doctor and Peri over to see it. The module blows up, and a rabidly shrieking Chessene emerges from the flames. She topples onto the floor limply, and the Doctor and co. gather around her body)
PERI: Is she dead?
(Chessene's dying face begins to transform, from its old, elegant self, to a mottled and craggy surface topped with bright red eyebrows... much like that of Shockeye.)
SECOND DOCTOR: (Grimly) Molecular disintegration. Horrible.
PERI: So... that's it then.
JAMIE: Aye... (Vehemently) Except for that Shockeye!
(The Sixth Doctor limps in behind them.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: He's been, er, 'moth-balled'. (Looking at remains of the Kartz-Reimer module) My word. That's a mess! Take you a while to put THAT back together again!
SECOND DOCTOR: That will NOT be necessary.
(The Second Doctor walks over to the Sixth Doctor and pulls a small gadget out of his coat with a flourish, grinning smugly.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: (Incredulous) A Stattenheim remote control?!
(The Sixth Doctor tries to snatch it out of the Second Doctor's hand but he pulls it out of his reach.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: (Jealously) Where did you get that? I've ALWAYS wanted one of those!
SECOND DOCTOR: (Smugly) Some of us have, er, these little privileges.
(The Second Doctor gives a sharp whistle and his TARDIS dematerializes in the middle of the cellar floor. He walks over to it and unlocks the doors.)
SECOND DOCTOR: Jamie!
JAMIE: Ah, after you, Doctor.
SECOND DOCTOR: No. After you, Jamie.
(Jamie turns to Peri and offers her his hand to shake.)
JAMIE: Goodbye, Peri.
(Peri shakes Jamie's hand courteously, but is taken aback as Jamie plants a kiss full on her lips. Jamie grins and waves goodbye to the Sixth Doctor.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: Bye, Jamie. And keep an eye on the old gentleman, will you?
(Jamie enters the TARDIS.)
SECOND DOCTOR: Do try and keep out of my way in future and in past, there's a good fellow. The time continuum should be big enough for the both of us. (Patting his belly) Just.
SIXTH DOCTOR: You know, I think I preferred you as an Androgum.
(The Second Doctor ignores him and goes into his TARDIS. It dematerializes soon after.)
53. INT. HACIENDA RECEPTION HALL
(The Sixth Doctor and Peri enter through the door to the cellar.)
SIXTH DOCTOR: (Peevishly) Of all the conceited in-grates! You know, he almost succeeded in concealing all my natural charm.
PERI: Was that your TARDIS?
SIXTH DOCTOR: Mhm.
PERI: But, I don't understand. How can it be in two places at the same time?
SIXTH DOCTOR: That's the whole point: it's not in two places at the same time. My TARDIS is at least five minutes walk from here. After you.
PERI: (Playfully) No, after you.
SIXTH DOCTOR: (Forcefully) No. After you.
(Peri smiles a little at the Doctor's affected seriousness, and the Doctor gives a small smile back. They walk towards the front door, but Peri stops, as if something is unsettling her.)
PERI: Oh, Doctor?
SIXTH DOCTOR: Hmm?
PERI: We're not going fishing again, are we?
SIXTH DOCTOR: No. From now on it's a healthy vegetarian diet. For both of us.
Tile Music Composed By
BBC RADIOPHONIC WORKSHOP
Assistant Floor Manager
Visual Effects Designer
Š BBC MCMLXXXIV
Transcribed by Jared Hansen