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DOCTOR WHO
CITY OF DEATH

Written by
As David Agnew, Douglas Adams and Graham Williams

(Overlap from 'The countess has the bracelet')

Part Two

[INT. Drawing room]

HERMANN: (entering) Excuse me, my Lady. The people you wished to speak to are here.
COUNTESS: Good, Hermann. Show them in.
HERMANN: Yes, my Lady.
(As she closes a Chinese puzzle box, HERMANN, with a gun, pushes the DOCTOR in. The DOCTOR falls on the floor. Behind these two are ROMANA and DUGGAN.)
DOCTOR: (rising slightly, behind a chair and walking round, on his knees, past the motionless countess) I say, what a wonderful butler - he's so violent! Hello. I'm called the Doctor. That's Romana; that's Duggan. You must be the countess Scarlioni, and this is clearly a delightful Louis Quinze chair. May I sit in it? (he does) I say, haven't they worn well? Thank you, Hermann. That'll be all.
COUNTESS: Doctor, you're being very pleasant with me.
DOCTOR: Well, I'm a very pleasant fellow.
COUNTESS: But I didn't invite you here for social reasons.
DOCTOR: Yes, I could see that the moment you didn't ask me to have a drink. Well, I will have a drink now you come to mention it. Yes, do come in, everybody.
(He pours from the decanter on a side table into the glasses beside it.)
DOCTOR: Romana, sit down over there. Duggan. Now, Duggan, you sit there. Do sit down if you want to, Count-. Oh, all right. Now, isn't this nice?
COUNTESS: The only reason you were brought here was to explain exactly why you stole my bracelet.
DOCTOR: Ah, well, it's my job. You see, I'm a thief. And this is Romana; she's my accomplice. And this is Duggan. He's the detective who's been kind enough to catch me. That's his job. You see, our two lines of work dovetail beautifully.
COUNTESS: Very interesting.
DOCTOR: Yes.
COUNTESS: I was rather under the impression that Mister Duggan was following me.
DOCTOR: Ah. Well, you're a beautiful woman, probably, and Duggan was trying to summon up the courage to ask you out to dinner. Weren't you, Duggan?
COUNTESS: Who sent you?
DOCTOR: Who sent me what?
COUNTESS: Doctor, the more you try to convince me that you're a fool, the more I'm likely to think otherwise. Now, it would only be the work of a moment to have you killed.
DOCTOR: What?
COUNTESS: Put it down.
(We see that ROMANA is examining the puzzle box.)
ROMANA: It's one of those puzzle boxes, isn't it?
COUNTESS: Yes, it's a very rare and precious Chinese puzzle box. You won't be able to open it, so put it down.
ROMANA: (opening it and removing the bracelet) Oh, look.
SCARLIONI: Yes. Very pretty, isn't it?
ROMANA: Very. Where's it from?
SCARLIONI: From? It's not from anywhere. It's mine.
(He takes it from ROMANA and heads for the door.)
COUNTESS: My dear, these are the people who stole it from me at the Louvre.
DOCTOR: (waving) Hello there.
SCARLIONI: How very curious. Two thieves enter the Louvre gallery and come out with a bracelet. Couldn't you think of anything more interesting to steal?
DOCTOR: Well, I just thought it was awfully pretty and a terribly unusual design. Of course, it would have been much nicer to have stolen one of the pictures, but I've tried that before and all sorts of alarms go off, which disturbs the concentration.
SCARLIONI: (he laughs with the DOCTOR for a moment) Yes, it would. So you stole the bracelet simply because it's pretty?
DOCTOR: Yes. Well, I think it is. Don't you?
SCARLIONI: Yes.
COUNTESS: My dear, I don't think he's as stupid as he seems.
SCARLIONI: My dear, nobody could be as stupid as he seems.
DOCTOR: Oh.
SCARLIONI: This interview is at an end.
DOCTOR: Good. Well, we'll be off. A quick stagger up the Champs-Élysées, perhaps a bite at Maxim's. What do you think, Romana?
ROMANA: Maxim's.
SCARLIONI: I think a rather better idea would be if Hermann were to lock you into the cellar. I should hate to lose contact with such fascinating people.
(As HERMANN steps forward to carry out this request, DUGGAN stands with the chair he was sitting in, ready to clobber Hermann with it.)
DOCTOR: Ah. Duggan, what are you doing? For heaven's sake, that's a Louis Quinze.
DUGGAN: But you're not going to let them lock us up-
DOCTOR: Just behave like a civilised guest. I do beg your pardon, Count.
SCARLIONI: Thank you.
DOCTOR: Now, Hermann, if you'd just be kind enough to show us to our cellar, we'd be terribly grateful. Do come along, my good chap.
(HERMANN, with his gun out again, follows the three of them out.)
SCARLIONI: You really should be more careful with your trinkets, my dear. After all, we do have a Mona Lisa to steal. (He places the bracelet on her wrist and kisses the attached hand.)

[INT. Laboratory]

DOCTOR: (as the group enter and begin descending the stairs) How long's the château been here, Hermann?
HERMANN: Long enough.
DOCTOR: Really, that long? Restored four or five hundred years ago?
HERMANN: May have been.
DOCTOR: Very stimulating, very stimulating. And this would be the cellar, would it?
HERMANN: Doctor, your boring conversation does not interest me.
DOCTOR: Really. Good Lord, a laboratory! Are you locking us into a laboratory?
HERMANN: In here.
DOCTOR: Oh, I'd much rather stay out here. This looks so interesting.
(He begins to examine the equipment.)
HERMANN: In here, I said. (He emphasises his point with his gun.)

[INT. Cellar]

(The prisoners are shown to a dark room with a crate in the middle and a lamp. HERMANN throws a box of matches to the DOCTOR.)
HERMANN: You may light it if you wish.
ROMANA: How long's this thing going to last us?
HERMANN: Two hours, maybe three.
DOCTOR: What happens after that?
HERMANN: After that, you won't need any light. (He leaves. The door, with bars in it, locks.)
DUGGAN: What do you think you're playing at?
DOCTOR: Shhh. Light the lamp.
DUGGAN: There's only one match.
DOCTOR: Then get it right.
DUGGAN: You tell me to get it right? We could have escaped at least twice if you hadn't-
DOCTOR: Exactly, exactly. What's the point of coming all the way here just to escape immediately? Hmm? What we do is we stay here.
DUGGAN: Yes?
DOCTOR: Let them think they've got us safe.
DUGGAN: Yes?
(The DOCTOR gets out the sonic screwdriver.)
DOCTOR: Then we escape. Light the lamp. Come on.
(He tries the sonic screwdriver on the lock.)
DUGGAN: Well?
DOCTOR: It's not working.
DUGGAN: Oh, you and your stupid ideas.
(He starts banging the sonic screwdriver against the lock.)
DOCTOR: Don't!
DUGGAN: Well, what else use is it?
DOCTOR: It was useful against the Daleks on Skaro.
DUGGAN: What?
DOCTOR: Oh, you wouldn't remember. Never mind.
DUGGAN: That's all I need. Locked in a cellar, no way out, and two raving lunatics for company.
(The screwdriver makes its trademark noise.)
DOCTOR: It's working. Would you like to stay on as my scientific adviser?
ROMANA: Doctor?
DOCTOR: Yes?
ROMANA: The horizontal length of the stairs is about six metres, isn't it?
DOCTOR: Yes, I suppose so. Why?
ROMANA: Well, this room runs alongside the stairs, and it's only two point seven three metres in length.
DOCTOR: That's fascinating. Shall we look at the lab first?

[INT. Laboratory]

(The DOCTOR opens the door to the main part of the cellar.)
DUGGAN: Right, let's get out of here.
DOCTOR: No. There are bound to be a couple of guards at the top of the stairs.
DUGGAN: Exactly. I'm about ready to thump somebody.
DOCTOR: I want to look at the lab first.
DUGGAN: What use is looking at the la-?
DOCTOR: In the last few hours, I've been thumped, threatened, abducted, and imprisoned. I've found a piece of equipment which is not of Earth technology, and I've been through two time slips. I think this lab might have something to do with it.
DUGGAN: Cut that stuff out, will you? What about the Mona Lisa?
DOCTOR: What about it?
DUGGAN: Do you reckon the count and countess are out to steal it?
DOCTOR: Yes.
DUGGAN: I don't know about you, but I'm going to stop them.
DOCTOR: They're not going to steal it at five o'clock in the afternoon, are they?
DUGGAN: Why not?
DOCTOR: Because the Louvre is still open.
DUGGAN: Oh, yes.
DOCTOR: Now, while we're here, why don't you and I find out how they're going to steal it and why. Hmm? Or are you just in it for the thumping?
DUGGAN: I'm in it mainly to protect the interests of the art dealers who employ-
(ROMANA walks past again with some equipment.)
DOCTOR: I know, but mainly for the thumping. What do you think Romana's up to?
DUGGAN: I don't know.
DOCTOR: Nor do I. Looks intriguing, don't you think?
DUGGAN: I don't care. I'm going.
DOCTOR: What?
(DUGGAN charges upstairs but turns round when the door at the top opens. It's KERENSKY. The others hide behind corners as KERENSKY heads somewhere and then, now with spectacles on, sets to work at the machinery in the lab. The DOCTOR and DUGGAN shift position behind pillars as KERENSKY moves about.
KERENSKY fetches some eggs. He places one of them on a pedestal at which the conical red emitters are pointing. Unsure of himself, he looks at a piece of paper. As DUGGAN creeps up behind KERENSKY, who is back at the controls, the DOCTOR stops DUGGAN from doing any thumping. KERENSKY starts the machine. In its swirls, the egg immediately hatches. The chick rapidly becomes a chicken.)
DOCTOR: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
KERENSKY: (surprised, looking left and right over his shoulders) Who are you?
DOCTOR: Me?
KERENSKY: Yes, who are you? What are you doing here?
DOCTOR: Me? I am the Doctor. What you're doing is terribly interesting, but you've got it wrong.

[INT. Drawing room]

SCARLIONI: A truly remarkable piece of equipment, I hope you'll agree. It makes the impossible possible.
(He speaks of a box with hemispherical grilles on its sides and a light projection area at one end.)
SCARLIONI: Perhaps the professor should see it. I should like him to know that, while he is no doubt a genius, the man he is working for is altogether more clever.
HERMANN: Without question, sir. Shall I go and fetch the professor, Excellency?
SCARLIONI: Yes. Ah, no. No, I would not disturb the work. Besides, I don't think our professor would be very amused. (he laughs) Are we ready?
HERMANN: Yes, Excellency.
SCARLIONI: Then let us begin.

[INT. Laboratory]

KERENSKY: Wrong? What are you talking about?
DOCTOR: Well, you're tinkering with time. That's always a bad idea unless you know what you're doing.
KERENSKY: I know what I'm doing. I am the foremost authority on temporal theory in the whole world.
DOCTOR: The whole world?
KERENSKY: Yes.
DOCTOR: Well, that's a very small place when you consider the size of the universe.
KERENSKY: (tapping his head) Ah, but who can?
DOCTOR: Oh, some can. And if you can't, you shouldn't tinker with time.
KERENSKY: But you saw it work. The greatest achievement of the human race. A cellular accelerator. You saw it! An egg developed into a chicken in 30 seconds. (the DOCTOR starts to interrupt) With a large one, I can turn a calf into a cow in even less time. It will be the end of famine in the world.
DOCTOR: It'll be the end of you if you're not careful, never mind the cow. Look.
(The chicken has lived its life during their conversation, and only its bones remain in the swirling lights.)
KERENSKY: Well, there are a few technical problems.
DOCTOR: A few technical problems? Ah, no. The whole principle you're working on is wrong. You can stretch time backwards or forwards within that bubble, but you can't break into it or out of it. It's true you have created a different time continuum, but it's totally incompatible with ours.
KERENSKY: Ah. I don't know what you mean.
DOCTOR: Have you tried this?
(He toggles a large switch on the wall. The skeletal remains become a chicken, which re-enters the egg.)
DOCTOR: Now, that's a more interesting effect, don't you think? Did you know when you built that it could do something like that?
KERENSKY: No. What did you do?
DOCTOR: What do you mean what did I do? I just reversed the polarity. This is very expensive equipment, isn't it?
KERENSKY: Oh, very expensive. The count is very generous. A true philanthropist. I do not ask too many questions.
DOCTOR: Well, you'd bet-. What's your name?
KERENSKY: Kerensky.
DOCTOR: Kerensky?
KERENSKY: Theodore Nikolai Kerensky.
DOCTOR: Theodore Nikolai Kerensky, a scientist's job is to ask questions. You should-
(He looks at the egg. It has regressed further - we see a one-eyed creature with green skin, before it disappears. As the DOCTOR watches that, DUGGAN conks KERENSKY on the head.)
DOCTOR: Theodore. Theo-. Kerensky! He's fainted.
DUGGAN: No, I hit him. Now, can we stop wondering about conjuring tricks with chickens and get out of this place?
DOCTOR: Yes, that's your philosophy, isn't it? If it moves, hit it. He's going to be all right. If you do that one more time, Duggan, I'm going to take very, very severe measures.
DUGGAN: Yeah? Like what?
DOCTOR: I'm going to ask you not to.
ROMANA [OC]: Doctor?
DOCTOR: Yes?
ROMANA: (running in) I was right.
DOCTOR: About what?
ROMANA: Those measurements. There's another room behind the wall, bricked up.
DUGGAN: Is it important?
DOCTOR: Let's look.

[INT. Cellar room]

(The Gallifreyans examine the wall.)
DOCTOR: Very impressive.
ROMANA: The brickwork's very old.
DOCTOR: Yes, four to five hundred years.
DUGGAN: In which case, it can wait another hour or two while we sort these guys out.
DOCTOR: No, no, no. In my view, a room that's been bricked up for four or five hundred years is urgently overdue for an airing.
DUGGAN: Come on, let's get out of here. We've got the Mona Lisa to worry about.
DOCTOR: Duggan.

[INT. Drawing room]

(The room looks very much like a post-closing-time Louvre. The effect comes from the count's projection box.)
SCARLIONI: So there is the problem - a box constructed of steel and plate glass but merely a physical barrier to protect the painting from attack. We cut through the glass with the aid of our sonic knife.
(HERMANN demonstrates. As the count laughs, two other MEN in black attach handles to the glass and set it to the side. Now four vertical lines of light shine where the glass was.)
SCARLIONI: Now wait. We now come to the second and far more interesting line of defence. The laser beams. Interrupt them and every alarm in Paris will go off instantly. To get through them, we must alter the refractive index of the very air itself. Hermann.
HERMANN: Sir.
(HERMANN switches on another device, which emits a purple ray. The laser beams all bend to the left.)
SCARLIONI: A prismatic beam now deflects the beams, and the picture is accessible.
(He applauds while the black-clad MEN remove the painting. He opens the top of the projector and removes the bracelet from it, ceasing the Louvre projection and causing the room to return to normal.)
SCARLIONI: A useful little device. Wear it always. (He places it on the wrist of the beaming COUNTESS.)
COUNTESS: My dear, you must be a genius.
SCARLIONI: Well, let's just say I come from a family of geniuses. (he kisses her hand) Tonight, enough of rehearsals. Tonight, the real thing!

[INT. Cellar]

(The DOCTOR is hammering away at the mortar.)
ROMANA: Why do you suppose the count's got all this equipment, Doctor?
DOCTOR: He seems to be financing some dangerous experiment with time. The professor, of course, thinks he's breeding chickens.
DUGGAN: Stealing the Mona Lisa to pay for chickens?
ROMANA: Yes, but who'd want to buy the Mona Lisa? You can hardly show it if it's known to be stolen.
DUGGAN: There are at least seven people in my address book who'd pay millions for that picture for their private collection.
ROMANA: But no-one could even know they'd got it!
DUGGAN: It would be an expensive gloat, but they'd buy it.
ROMANA: How are we going to move this last bit?
DOCTOR: I think I'm going to need some machinery.
DUGGAN: I've got all the machinery I need.
DOCTOR: Eh?
DUGGAN: Stand back.
(DUGGAN shoulder-barges the bricks that the Doctor has loosened. It needs only a few kicks after that.)

[INT. Hidden room]

(The DOCTOR hands DUGGAN the lamp and enters after him. The room contains several small doors.)
ROMANA: What are they, Doctor?
DOCTOR: I don't know.
DUGGAN: They've been here a long time. Get on with it.
(The DOCTOR opens one.)
DOCTOR: It's the Mona Lisa.
DUGGAN: Must be a fake.
DOCTOR: I don't know what's hanging in the Louvre, but this is the genuine article.
DUGGAN: What?
(The DOCTOR opens the door below this, and behind it is a second Mona Lisa. To the left of the first is a third, with a fourth below that. He opens two more doors.)
DUGGAN: They must be fakes.
DOCTOR: The brushwork's Leonardo's.
DUGGAN: How can you tell?
DOCTOR: Oh, it's as characteristic as a signature. The pigment too.
DUGGAN: On all of them?
DOCTOR: Every one. What I don't understand is why a man who's got six Mona Lisas wants to go to all the trouble of stealing a seventh.
DUGGAN: Come on, Doctor, I've just told you. There are seven people who would buy the Mona Lisa in secret, but nobody's going to buy the Mona Lisa when it's hanging in the Louvre!
ROMANA: Of course. They'd each have to think they were buying the stolen one.
DUGGAN: Right.
DOCTOR: I wouldn't make a very good criminal, would I?
SCARLIONI: No. (he stands by the door, in a robe) Good criminals don't get caught. I see you've found some of my pictures. Rather good, aren't they? By the end of this evening, I shall have a seventh.
DOCTOR: Can I ask you where you got these?
SCARLIONI: No.
DOCTOR: Right. Or how you knew they were here?
SCARLIONI: No.
DOCTOR: They've been bricked up a long time.
SCARLIONI: Yes.
DOCTOR: I like concise answers.
SCARLIONI: Good. I came down to find Kerensky.
DOCTOR: Oh?
SCARLIONI: But he doesn't seem to be able to speak to me.
DOCTOR: Oh.
SCARLIONI: Can you throw any light on that?
DOCTOR: No.
DUGGAN: I can.
(He does so literally, lobbing the lamp at the count. He then whacks him and grabs his gun.)
DOCTOR: Duggan! Duggan, why is it that every time I start to talk to someone, you knock him unconscious?
DUGGAN: I didn't expect him to go down that easy.
DOCTOR: Well, if you don't understand heads, you shouldn't go about hitting them.
DUGGAN: Well, what else would you suggest?
DOCTOR: Duggan! Your job is to stop his men from stealing the Mona Lisa. The other Mona Lisa.
(They head out of the cellar quietly, with the DOCTOR in the lead.)

[INT. A corridor]

(Out of sight behind the quietly creeping DOCTOR and ROMANA, DUGGAN stumbles into something. The Gallifreyans hold their heads. DUGGAN steps up, then points between the pair. He has noticed a gun poking out through some plants. He throws a vase at the person holding the gun and rushes up to find that it was the countess.)
DUGGAN: Sorry, my Lady.
DOCTOR: I should think so too. That was a Ming vase, second dynasty. Absolutely priceless.
DUGGAN: Come on! We've got to get to the Louvre.
DOCTOR: No, you have. Romana, you look after him. I've got to go meet an Italian. Middle-aged Italian. In fact, late middle-aged. Renaissance. Come on.

[INT. Gallerie Denise Rene]

(After working hours, the sonic screwdriver bypasses the magnetic lock on a set of glass doors. On his way to the TARDIS, the DOCTOR does stop once, to straighten a crooked picture.)
DOCTOR: (through the TARDIS door) Hello, K9. You all right? (He enters the ship.)
(The TARDIS dematerialises.)

[INT. Da Vinci's studio]

(The TARDIS materialises in a well-appointed but untidy room that one could characterise as creative disarray. A caged bird sings by the window, and the various surfaces in the room display works in progress that may later become well-known works by the Renaissance master.)
DOCTOR: Leonardo? Leonardo? Ah, that Renaissance sunshine! Leonardo? The paintings went down very well. Everybody loved them - Last Supper, Mona Lisa. You remember the Mona Lisa, that dreadful woman with no eyebrows who wouldn't sit still, eh? Your idea for the helicopter took a bit longer to catch on, but, as I say, these things take time.
(The DOCTOR finds his cheek at the end of a foil.)
SOLDIER: You.
DOCTOR: Me?
SOLDIER: Who are you? What are you doing here?
DOCTOR: Ah, well, I just dropped by to see Leonardo, actually. Is he about?
SOLDIER: Nobody's allowed to see Leonardo. (The two circle.)
DOCTOR: Really?
SOLDIER: He's engaged on important work for Captain Tancredi.
DOCTOR: Captain Tancredi?!
SOLDIER: Do you know him?
DOCTOR: No.
SOLDIER: He'll want to question you.
DOCTOR: (as he is forced to his knees with the blade in his face) Well, I'll want to question him, so we can both have a little chat, can't we?
SOLDIER: He'll be here instantly.
(Framed in the light from the outer door is a man in period garb.)
DOCTOR: You. What are you doing here?
(The man who steps into the room is a longer-haired version of Count Scarlioni.)
TANCREDI: I think that is exactly the question I ought to be asking you, Doctor.

The above notes, transcription, etc. by Anna Shefl

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