Mailbag

The following comments are excerpts from email we have received. Naturally, we cannot publish all the mail we receive, so this is merely a representative sample.

Subject: BORN AGAIN

I used to want to use my processing power for my own glory.  I was 
selfish and couldn't share.  But, through the grace of God, I have been
healed.  That was the day I decided to dedicate my computers to finding
Jesus.


Subject: JP thoughts

For thirty years, I have carefully inspected each pizza I ate, whether 
from Pizza Hut or Luigi's.  I have found nothing stranger than what must
have been an image of Jesus' holy teethmarks.  With the speed of
computers, I finally believe it is possible to realize our--your, my, and
everyone's--goals within my lifetime.
	I do have a question.  What have you done to prevent sacreligious
folks from using the program?  Someone nasty might end up with His holy
image on their hardrives alongside pronography and other such visiousness!
		Timothy Tyler, Knoxville

Thank you for bringing this issue to our attention, Tim. Although our coders take seriously such issues as desecration, we are confident that the sort of dedicated souls who would run our software are conscientious. They would move the child p__n to a different partition in order to minimise the possibility of corrupting even one potential Jesus file.

 
Subject: be afraid, be very afraid

I applaud your efforts to automate this time-consuming task.  Yet I am
deeply vexed.  What if this technology should fall into the wrong hands?  
For instance, at this very moment your users might unwittingly be
searching for Satan.  Are you 100 percent sure your very own servers are
secure enough to resist temptation?
	If the answer is "no", we could see Satan enfleshed in our
lifetime.  An eager, unwary believer, taking a bite of what he thinks is
Living Pizza, might end up being hideously maimed rather than cured of
athlete's foot, Body Thetans, or other such scourges.
	If you do not believe me, do ye not realise that atheism never
really got a hold on the popular imagination until the age of
computers?  That's right.  These engines which make everything so easy are
hotbeds of Evil.  The search for Jesus was not meant to be easy!
	Yours in Crust,

	Arthur Robert Blakely

We are sure our machines do not run hot with the power of hellfire. With so many souls at stake, we could not allow the remotest possibility of a beast-in-the-middle attack. But we appreciate your warning not to let computers run one's life. Although we wipe their screens for them and offer them sacrificial RAM every so often, we regard them as tools only. We also have a crucifix sitting atop each monitor, just in case.

We should also mention that you overestimate the risk of being maimed. Although some evil pizzas do exist in nature--and would exist with or without our project--most people would not blithely bite the head off a pizza with the visage of Ozzy Osbourne.

We printed this letter to address these issues, not becuase we want to encourage alarmists or nutcases to write to us.


From: dood@spamsucksrotteneggs.cx

Get a job and a life!

Your mail is important to us at Jesuspizza, and we try to make sure to address all the concerns of our readers.

Our head programmer tried to send you his CV, but the mail bounced.


Subject: Bread of life

Buon giorno!
I haven't found the Jesus Pizza yet, but I have been trying to do my
part.  In addition to setting my six computers to the task, I have started
eating pizza for every meal.  Praise the lard!  I will also see if I can
enlist my family to organise their help in getting everyone to run the
code and eat more pizza.  
		Name withheld on request


From Erkki Boison

I'm just worried about the dangers of such sacrilegious hybrids as
"kebab-pizza" that one may bump into here and there. Kebab, having no form
and being completely random, seems to me to have a firm base in Islam...
(ref. pics of Buddha in Afghanistan). Unless, of course, kebab is a remnant
from a period in a culture before presentational art.

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In case you are a minion of evil who is intent on getting our site pulled

We will be working on this more in the future. If you're impatient and want to get us TOSsed in the meantime, we suggest you do a web search for the term 'BOFH'. We feel it is only fair to warn you.

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