A pair of jokes

The second of the two jokes in this anagram is rather explicit, so consider yourself warned.

A pair of men dressed in airline-pilot uniforms walk up the aisle of an aeroplane. Both men are wearing dark glasses. One of them has a guide dog, and the other guy taps his way along the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines begin running.

The passengers look nervously around, searching for some sort of indication that this is just a practical joke, but none is forthcoming.

The plane starts moving faster down the tarmac, and the people in the window seats realise they are headed straight for the water at the end of the runway. As it's beginning to seem more and more as though the aeroplane will plough into the water, their loud screaming fills the cabin. At this moment, the plane lifts off, smoothly rising up into the air.

The passengers relax and laugh rather sheepishly, and soon retreat into their papers and duty-free catalogues, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

In the cockpit, one of the pilots turns to the other and says: "You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too darn late and we're all gonna fuckin' die."


Dennis and his wife Margaret together decided to see a doctor renowned for helping with the physical side of relationships. A bashful Margaret asked him: "Doctor, our marriage has gone stale. Can you help us at all?"

He said: "I hope so. On the journey home, stop and purchase grapes and ring doughnuts. Later, at home, Dennis, throw the grapes, one at a time, at Marge's twat. Then, when one has hit the target, stalk her minge. Act like a big tiger hunting its opponent, then you must suck the grape right out of her fanny. Her snatch will be all pink and glistening. I'll guarantee a cunt wetter than a New Orleans cellar.

"Then, it's her turn. Begin to throw doughnuts at his penis. Keep throwing, and then, when one of those pastries scores a 'hoopla' on his erect member, make like a naked lioness that longs for its prey. Then, lioness, eat the entire doughnut off Dennis's boner - all of it, no hands allowed."

A fortnight later, Britney and Isaac stopped off at that same office. Britney said: "Doc, Dennis and Margaret are telling everyone that you saved their love life. Can you assist us?"

"I hope so. On the journey home, stop to purchase watermelons and a box of Cheerios."

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