In short, the techbros strike again:
Terafab ~ be a frat!
Instagram Plus = Singular stamp
Instagram Plus = Trump sign, alas
Instagram Plus = Sugar implants?
NEW:
[The pay-to-play service for a tiered Instagram experience and
more verbose content]
Instagram Plus = Singular stamp
Instagram Plus = Trump sign, alas
Instagram Plus = Sugar implants?
Imgur is over capacity! = I'm a tragic "pics!" voyeur.
Social media = Coma is ideal.
Let hackers pen ~ kernel patches.
Blue screen of death
= The End, so be careful.
= Feeble code ran thus.
= Solace: the beer fund!
= No FreeBSD? A clue...
= Free clue: bad (honest).
= Fortune's "ache, bleed".
Blue screens of death
= See crash-befouled NT.
[And a triple-anagram]
Blue screen of death = Hateful snob decrees ~ "Trash feeble OS, dunce!"
NEW:
[Google's slogan of yore]
"Don't be evil" = Bet on devil
Microsoft Windows Eight
= Ow! We confirm "God, it's shit".
NEW:
Use strong encryption ~ or spy ring use content!
NEW:
A bug report.
= Abort! Purge!
= Abrupt gore
Photoshopped images ~ dot hippos' homepages.
NEW:
Note near hashtag: "Haters gonna hate"
Haters gonna hate = That's anon rage, eh?
I saw Microsoft EULA =
Malicious software!
NEW:
Gateway timeout
= You get at me: "Wait... ... ..."
[Or another option...]
= You get "Wait, mate!"
NEW:
A blockchain system = Shy? Back metal coins.
Visitor and pro ~ on TripAdvisor
Apple Stores
= Laptop seers.
= Poser staple.
= Top sales rep.
The Windows operating system =
With DOS, we print Gates's money.
"You're using a web browser that isn't supported by Facebook"
= "This contributes to a busy day of pure work", we brag: "No beeps!"
= Begin a baby step to busy production - waste-free work hours.)
The Internet of Things = Intent's to frighten, eh?
NEW:
Top-level domains ~ all moved to .penis
NEW:
Tag for the hoarder of FB "Like"s etc.:
"Birds of a feather flock together"
Ransomware = Worm's arena
Ransomware ~ or "Swear, man!"
[A modern design trend]
Responsive Web = POS newbiverse.
[Or, for another type of responsiveness...]
Responsive Web = "We observe nips!"
A lurker on USENET = Our unseen talker
[For the "I can't use those new-fangled mobile devices" brigade]
Phablets = Stab "Help".
I bite each player, but geeks like to try (you can bail).
= It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
[For those to whom this is just a bunch of confusing words, I'll offer
a couple of URLs and perhaps a "Young people these days!":
A few brief words on grues, from the Jargon File / (New) Hacker's Dictionary
and
a bit of a history of their most common habitat]
Buying Apple Macintosh computers
= A crappy single-button mouse, chimp!
An address-harvester = A nerd shares adverts.
[For anyone with something to say, or with nothing to say]
NB: Gobshite welcome to post ~ on the website http://blogspot.com
[A service that many people seem to use]
Windows Update = Wow - a stupid end!
Windows Update ~ did peanuts. Wow.
There's an app for that
= Open that - a fresh trap!
[Or]
= Fear that phone's trap
[For dating...]
There's an app for that
= Tap phone... A fresh tart!
Some unplanned downtime = Me damned line's not up now!
Simple Mail Transfer Protocol
= "RCPT TO..." personal memos fill air.
= Proficient trolls or lame spam.
Computer nerds
= Trend: more CPUs!
= "Crude porn, mate!"
[A 2004 study indicated that 70% of people would willingly trade
their computer password for a bar of chocolate]
Note: a hacker stole my PC password
= Chocolate wrappers sat on my desk.
Security Engineering - The Book, by Ross Anderson
= Story: "Then you begin seeing errors in banks' code."
Smartphones' apps = Snapshots pamper.
All lingo's Goatse after ~ Google Translate fails.
Reason I tag argot "full of eels": Failures of Google Translate
[On a related note]
Bing Translator = Rants - bring a lot!
[And a professional option]
Loads do distrust ~ SDL Trados Studio.
Facebook profiles ~ backfire. Pose, fool!
Facebook profiles = Recap of foibles OK.
Facebook trashy? Orkut bloc gimpy? ~
OK, go try out Myspace, Habbo, Flickr, ...
Facebook profiles ~ backfire. Pose, fool!
Facebook profiles = Recap of foibles OK.
The computer problems ~ obstruct me. Help me, pro!
Computer problems = cumbersome-port.pl
Computer problem = Obscure Elm prompt.
[A program used to recover maliciously cancelled USENET posts etc.]
Dave the Resurrector ~ recovers true thread.
A Twitter service user ~ utters/reviews air, etc.
alt.usenet.kooks = OK to steal nukes!
A Facebook "friend" request = Keen to acquire bad offers?
[This refers to a live Demonstration of Microsoft voice recognition
technology.
The left-hand side is text from the demo.]
"Dear aunt, let's set so double the killer delete select all."
= Attendees tell dealer: "Loser, tell the OS: 'Suck a bullet. Die.'"
A password sniffer ~ forwards "safe" PINs.
USENET flame wars = Use straw man. Flee.
Dating sites = AIDS testing!
Add to favorites
= It's a food advert!?
= I voted for Sadat.
Nigerian lad ~ in a grand lie.
Four-nineteen scams ~ assure confinement!
Nigerian scams = Man cries "Gains!"
[You can almost hear him from the other end of the email.]
public static void main(String[] args)
=
_
Improving IT |_|
BASIC-class |_|
Giant turd |_|
Electronic voting machines =
Cheat government silicon IC.
Malicious software
= A worm suite is focal
= It is foul. A war comes.
[The next one's an anti-gram, really]
Malicious software
= I cause worms to fail.
You are not logged in
= A god routinely gone
[The anagrammed text is from the terms of service linked to from the
page Verisign threw up when a user accessed an apparently unregistered
domain. The anagram comments on this move, which involved adding wildcard
records for the .com and .net top-level domains.
The wrong-headed "Sitefinder" scheme was withdrawn quickly after
even bigger powers slapped Verisign for messing up the Internet's
infrastructure a bit.]
Sole Remedy.
YOUR USE OF THE VERISIGN SERVICES IS AT YOUR OWN RISK. IF
YOU ARE DISSATISFIED WITH ANY OF THE MATERIALS, RESULTS OR
OTHER CONTENTS OF THE VERISIGN SERVICES OR WITH THESE TERMS
AND CONDITIONS, OUR PRIVACY STATEMENT, OR OTHER POLICIES,
YOUR SOLE REMEDY IS TO DISCONTINUE USE OF THE VERISIGN
SERVICES OR OUR SITE.
=
Sirs, your rigorous terms of service are so, so good!
If there is the tiniest chance I should make URL entry typos when
I visit sites or the domain's nameservers ever cease to function fully,
I vow simply to resist ever using DNS - or, easier, "your" Internet - yes?
Sorry, I can't decide which of those varieties of torture to use...
Idiots.
The Linux operating system
= Total hermits' sexy penguin.
Disillusioned souls ~ use idols: Linus idols.
Hear "Rot! It's flat! Bye!"
= A short battery life
[From the footer added to email messages it sends...]
Opera's revolutionary e-mail client
= My poor, li'l ole Atari can never use it.
Stop Online Piracy Act = A Net-cop's policy ran it.
Lousy news server ~ runs very slow, see?
[A news headline]
New E-Mail Worm Targets Hole in Internet Explorer
= Theme: warning on loser/lamer teen exploit writer.
= A wager here: MS experiment, we let Norton roll in it.
= Hell, one Net malware writer's rooting experiment...
[Or, for conspiracy theorists...]
Norton "heroes" experiment, write malware. Telling.
The Linux operating system
= Run my shit on it, expel Gates.
= Elite haXOrs emptying nuts.
= Gates expulsion? Try hitmen!
= Put extremely, astonishing.
= No sex, sleep, night, maturity... [A few more stereotypes]
Chat room
= Macho rot
= Charm too!
Internet chat rooms
= Men hit on tart, score.
= Morons act thirteen.
Spamming and multi-posting are ~ most unappealing. Damn, it's grim.
Spamming and multi-posting = "Malignant dumping"ism. Stop.
Virtual reality =
Truly evil Atari
"How to Use Microsoft Excel":
Cue to wish for semtex (cool!)
[Some American ISPs inject a unique identifier into the Web traffic of
each of their users, to track their interests, serve tailored adverts,
etc. Third parties such as Twitter have worked this out and use these tokens,
which
the EFF call perma-cookies, for their own purposes.]
Perma-cookies
= "OK, I'm a creep. So?"
= "Spookier!" came.
Microsoft Visual Basic =
Basic cost is for Valium!
[Simon Travaglia described his work as a New Zealand system operator as
involving "sheer, mindnumbing boredom". To deal with his boredom and
frustration with his lusers (the "l" is silent), he penned a series of
now-legendary stories about the "Bastard Operator from Hell" (BOFH), a
sysadmin who delights in torturing his lusers. For some system admins
the BOFH is a source of wry laughter, but he is a role model for those
with no qualms about telling people they can fix a failing floppy disk
with nail polish remover, to "clean that brown stuff off the inside of
the disk" or about leaving booby traps for killing a new pointy-haired
boss.
The stories are at
http://bofh.ntk.net/Bastard.html. The anagrams are here.]
Simon Travaglia
Internet relay chat: = Therein art latency.