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March 2014

16 March 2014

Robert C. Williams robbed a bank, badly. According to the Baltimore Sun, this 42-year-old Laurel, Maryland, man managed to drop the roughly 28,000 euros' worth of cash on the floor. It took him a while to scoop the money into an umbrella that he found on the floor of the bank. He did then manage to leave the premises but promptly fell on the ice outside, giving himself a gash in the head. The delays caught up with him shortly after he reached his getaway car, and Williams was arrested.

The arrest report for Florida's Alberto Moreno states that the 45-year-old was going 'so fast that a speed was unable to be determined'. Once officers were able to stop his truck, he explained that he'd started his drive after drinking six beers at his home. This might explain why he bore the scent of alcohol and was wearing his shirt inside out and backwards. Asked to perform field sobriety tests, he fell out of the vehicle, but he was eventually determined to be officially drunk and was arrested on that basis.
But where was he headed in such a hurry? The arrest report again provides the answer: he explained 'that he was on his way to kill his friend for screwing him over earlier that day'.

Mexican media report on three men from Juárez who were driving around town at high speed late at night. When the police stopped them, they allegedly attempted to bribe the officers - they just wanted to get on their way because they were 'out partying'. A search of the car followed, in which a corpse was found in the back seat. The living men explained that the group been using alcohol and drugs for several days and suggested that their friend might have died from partying too much.
Elián Hernández Palacios, 26; Roberto Israel Muñiz Padroz, 26; and José Ángel Hernández Poblano, 25, have been charged with attempted bribery and failure to give assistance.

An eight-year-old student at Ontario school École Élémentaire catholique Sainte-Marie threw a banana that was getting old into a rubbish bin. Seeing this, her teacher, Renee Oettershagen, saw an opportunity for a lesson. The girl reported to her grandmother that Oettershagen pulled the banana from the bin, peeled it, broke off a piece and ate it, then instructed the girl to consume the remainder of the fruit. The grandmother, Ann Marie Stewart, calls this 'the most bizarre, abhorrent thing I could ever think of doing to a child', while the girl's mother spoke in horror of what rubbish bins contain.
When confronted by the girl's mother, Oettershagen said: 'I was only trying to teach her good food values, not to waste food, and that you shouldn't throw food into the garbage.' The family pulled their daughter out of the school, and Oettershagen has been relieved of her duties.

According to Sweden's The Local, the central job agency offices in Stockholm prepared to host a sales training course for job-seekers. However, according to agency head Clas Olsson, they were not fully prepared. They planned for 1,000 people to attend but had inadvertently invited 61,000 - all of the city's registered job-seekers. Olsson said: 'Something went wrong. Either it was human error or something technical.'
The police were called in to deal with the angry unemployed people, a crowd spilling out into adjacent streets in the centre of the capital.

Han Zhang, of the Chinese province of Anhui, placed crushed sleeping pills in husband Han Mou's drink, then took scissors to his penis and flushed a large portion of said organ down the toilet. She later explained that Mou had asked for a divorce and that he would be less likely to look for another woman this way. A child of divorced parents herself, she didn't want her children to have a stepmother, 'a terrible thing'.
On bail three months later, the 30-year-old Zhang used a syringe to inject a box of milk with crushed sleeping pills. She then removed what remained of Mou's genitals, called for an ambulance, and turned herself in to the authorities. Her husband reiterates that he still does not hate her.

Te'Mon Molley, 18, showed up at the Hamilton Township, New Jersey, courthouse with two friends in tow. All three reeked of marijuana, according to court officers, who promptly searched Molley. He was carrying a wad of cash and 43 bags of heroin. For possession of the drug with intent to distribute, another court date has been set.
A note to anyone else planning on taking drugs to court: doing so is getting popular enough that you'll need to do something further if you want to feature in the Clippings.

A woman left a minivan running at a Longmont, Colorado, petrol station, with a four-year-old boy in the back seat. The carjacker who took advantage of the situation was 28-year-old Ryan Stone, wanted by police for failure to appear in court on drugs charges. In the high-speed chase that ensued, Stone wounded a state trooper who was placing spiked mats in his path. He later blocked the path of another minivan and pulled the driver and passenger out, driving that vehicle until crashing it into a guard rail. He drove off with the silver sedan that then stopped. And another crash left him fleeing on foot.
Longmont police spokesman Commander Jeffrey Satur said Stone was 'definitely running like a person who did not want to go back to jail'. He was eventually stymied by a chain link fence and arrested, on a host of charges.

Finally, according to The New York Post, Brooklyn police officer Delfin Lantigua is in trouble, accused of offering to speed along the paperwork for women applying to work at the New York Police Department, for a price. An applicant reported the 34-year-old Lantigua after meeting him at a restaurant, where, she claims, he'd asked for her underwear as part of the deal. Investigators later found three pairs of women's underwear in his locker at the police department. Other women have now come forward, saying that Lantigua had asked for $1,000 and unlimited sexual access in exchange for expediting the application process.

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