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July to August 2023

29 August 2023
A bumper crop of Clippings collected over the last two months:

Responding to a woman's reports of an intruder in her home, the Dutch police found her daughter's crib overflowing with a drunken 18-year-old man clad only in his underwear. The police officers characterised the disoriented young man as non-remorseful and as concerned primarily about his mobile phone.
Depositing him in a squad car, they delivered him to his father's care, finding that the events left equally 'little impression on' the older man.

Hearing shouts from a deer-hunting platform near Bückeburg, Germany, a cyclist and hunter contacted the police, who identified the source as a securely bound 51-year-old man who had begun a sex game with a woman he'd met online. The fully-clothed (plus head-worn hosiery) man explained that, after she'd fled precipitously upon receiving a phone call, he discovered that her bondage skills were sufficiently advanced that he couldn't reach the box-cutters he kept on his person 'for such situations'.
Although the man refused to identify her, the police have opened an investigation for deprivation of liberty and failure to render assistance.

Upon learning that the final Hot Pocket toaster snack had been removed from the freezer and eaten, Kentucky's 64-year-old Clifton Williams began hurling building tiles at his roommate. According to court documents, Williams followed up by fetching a handgun and shooting the other man 'in the ass while he was trying to leave' the shared Louisville, Kentucky, home. Williams faces charges of assault.

Somewhat larger-scale unexpected eating occurred in China's Jilin province, where a Mr Liu, arriving for a match-maker-arranged blind date at a restaurant frequented also by his date, a Ms Zhang, found that she had 23 relatives in tow. At the end of the meal, a panicked Liu fled when handed the bill for all 25 people's food, cigarettes, and alcohol. While Zhang settled up, she contacted Liu to insist that he cover half of the total. His counter-offer of one fifth earned him a lawsuit from the Zhang family and comments that he had failed their generosity test.
When the case was eventually resolved, the court decided that he need only pay a third of what he'd offered - i.e., for what he and Zhang had eaten.

Having apparently suffered a fatal stroke, Ecuador's Bella Montoya was declared dead by a hospital doctor in Babahoyo and sent to a funeral parlour. However, upon opening the coffin five hours later for a pre-burial change of clothes, her family heard her take a ragged breath. Some guests at the wake later reported having heard knocking from within the casket.
Montoya's son Gilbert Balberán reported that emergency responders took the 76-year-old woman back to the hospital where she'd been declared dead. After seven days in intensive care there, she died 'for real', however.

In other morbid news, former Harvard Medical School morgue manager Cedric Lodge, 55, is accused of stealing dissected portions of donated cadavers and taking them to his home. There, he and his wife sold these brains, bones, and other bits to such outfits as the shop Kat's Creepy Creations and a speciality leather-maker's over a span of five years, according to a federal indictment.
Some of the buyers face conspiracy charges: Lodge allegedly admitted them to the morgue so that they could choose from among the dissected faces and other remains available. Among the evidence are payment memos such as 'head number 7' and 'braiiiiiins'.

Not long after someone scaled the fences of a swimming hall in Longmeadow, Massachusetts, and broke into its basement pump room via a ventilation shaft, emergency responders were alerted to a suspicious substance on three slides at the town's Bliss Park Playground. At about the same time, reports began arriving of children receiving blisters and burn-like injuries at the playground and nearby residential properties. The fire department later stated that 'a great deal of effort was employed to enter this space' and steal hydrochloric acid from it. Those responsible remain at large.

Amid mug-shot fever, now might be an appropriate time for sharing the wisdom of John Amann, who found out at his local bank that the 2,000-plus US bucks' worth of Trump Bucks and related items he'd purchased have no monetary value and might not even be endorsed by the former President. Amann, a self-professed business adviser, tweeted that those purchasing 'TRB VOUCHERS, DJT GOLDEN CHECKS, DJT DIAMOND CHECKS, TRB GOLDEN CHECKS [...] GOT SCAMMED'. Perhaps he merely needs to wait until 2024 before they become legal tender, however.
Bank of America spokesman Bill Halldin confirmed that multiple customers have attempted to exchange these items for cash.

A Seminole County, Florida, sheriff's officer had to drive at twice the posted speed limit to pull over Alexander Shaouni, an Orlando police officer who offered the explanation 'I am going in to work, my man'. On body-camera video, Shaouni gestures to his police uniform and refuses to provide identification documents, before heading back to his patrol car and driving off again.
His squad-car number, badge code, and name tag, left little doubt as to Shaouni's identity, and has been relieved of duty while awaiting charges for such offences as reckless driving and resisting an officer.

Che Garibaldi, the main owner of two Taqueria Garibaldi locations in northern California, is accused of hiring someone to pose as a priest for purposes of extracting employee confessions to being late for work, stealing money, having 'bad intentions', etc. The US Department of Labor ordered the owners to pay $70,000 in back wages and the same amount in damages (to 35 employees), alongside civil penalties.
Among the three owners' sins were denial of overtime pay, threats of 'immigration consequences', and dipping into the tip pool.

The department has also addressed complaints by car-repair shop worker Andreas Flaten, who'd been paid in 91,500 oily pennies dumped outside his home. It brought civil suit against Miles Walker, the owner of FA OK Walker Autoworks, for failing to give nine workers overtime pay and for retaliating against Flaten. A federal judge has ordered the Peachtree City, Georgia, company to pay out $39,934 accordingly. That's quite a few one-cent pieces.
Walker's attorney stresses that the conflict reflects not the owner's 'true character as a businessman' but that 'emotionally charged decisions can come back and bite you in the rear end'.

Indiana's Deonta Jermaine Johnson, 27, and Shatia Tiara Welch, 24, are no longer the parents of a five- and a one-year-old boy, thanks to a handgun found by the elder boy in their flat. At the time of his death from a shot to the head, 16-month-old Isiah [sic] had marijuana in his blood. Further complicating the charge sheet is the fact that his brother tested positive for cocaine.
Although the parents removed some drugs from the flat after another resident alerted the authorities to a shooting on the premises, nearly 100 fentanyl pills, marijuana, etc. remained there for officers to discover.

Another one-year-old child now freed of earthly cares is Māhina, a New Zealand girl whose parents tethered her above decks on the family yacht, moored in Fiji, before heading below to cook supper. When Mark and Kiri Toki returned from the galley after 'a few moments', their daughter was nowhere to be seen. The 13-month-old girl was eventually found floating in the waters below. According to a fund-raised page set up by the family, Māhina had managed to 'work free' of the rope-and-life-vest combo that should have kept her safe.

In contrast, the death of one-year-old Ra'Miyah Worthington was less directly attributable to the parents' actions, though one could question the wisdom of leaving one's daughter in the custody of an outfit that uses the spelling 'Kidz of the Future Childcare'. There were nine children in the van driven to that Omaha, Nebraska, child-care centre by 62-year-old Ryan Williams, and only eight disembarked, amid distractions caused by a boy Williams described as 'not wanting to get out of the van and go inside'. Ra'Miyah was found in the vehicle six hours later with an elevated body temperature, and Williams could be found guilty of child abuse by neglect resulting in death.

The six-year-old victim in our next item is a Chihuahua named Sugar, and the culprit was a licensed pet-groomer who had passed himself off as a licensed veterinarian able to help deliver her puppies at the pet-owners' home. After south-east Florida's Osvaldo Sanchez, 61, performed a cesarean section on Sugar, he handed over a stillborn puppy and had Sugar's owners hand over $600. A week later, Sugar succumbed to an infection possibly caused by the improper suturing of the incision. Legal proceedings have commenced.

Barnham police officers responding to theft reports at 2:15am found the stolen item - a crane liberated from a builders' yard - being driven through a Co-op wall by Alfie Smith, a 43-year-old Ashford man who'd set his sights on a cash machine. While the incident wasn't particularly protracted for our miscreant, who did not make it far on foot, the same could not be said for the managers of the Southern Rail depot, which shares the building, or for a postbox that had been minding its own business.

There are various concepts that teenaged mums might not fully grasp. We can add one to that list, at least in the case of 18-year-old Jazmin Paez: is not the best venue for soliciting an assassin's services. According to that parodic site's operator, Robert Innes, this Florida woman's request for liquidation of her three-year-old son raised red flags for how specific and urgent it was.
After she'd apparently offered $3,000 for the hit and submitted photos of the boy and of where he'd be, the authorities checked out the originating IP address, spoke with Paez's grandmother, and deposited the boy with alternative members of the family. According to Innes, however, that was not before the Miami-Dade police threatened to send him a cease-and-desist letter for his persistence.

I will let Brianna Kingsley, 40, explain the next item: ex-partner William Wojciechowski 'retains possession of my surgically extracted testicles, preserved in [a] Mason jar, kept in [the] fridge next to the eggs'. Kingsley's claim filed with the Pontiac, Michigan, court system demands 'immediate return of my human remains specimen and damages of $6,500' (the maximal 'small claim') from the 37-year-old man.
Wojciechowski, meanwhile, states that Kingsley 'took everything she wanted' when the pair broke up, and he cites the filing as evidence of persistent harassment and intimidation over the eight months since.

What could possibly go wrong for a 74-year-old man working alone at a warehouse with shelves stretching 10 metres above ground level? When checking on the work of a cheese-rotating robot at his 25,000-wheel Grano Padano facility in Romano di Lombardia, Italy, hapless cheese-factory owner Giacomo Chiapparini had only moments to muse on this after a shelf's sudden collapse created a domino effect.
Fire-fighter Antonio Dusi later explained that rescuers, summoned by someone who had heard thousands of wheels falling, worked all night to move the cheeses and shelves manually. After 12 hours, the 20 fire-fighters from nearby cities found Chiapparini's crushed body.

In 2021, a long-time customer of Canadian farm-owner Chris Achter sent him a photograph of a flax-purchase contract and received a thumbs-up emoji in response. But no flax. A court case followed, in which Achter claimed that the image denoted only receipt of the contract, not acceptance of its terms. Ordering Achter to pay the equivalent of 62,000 euros in damages, Saskatchewan judge T.J. Keene stated that he was 'satisfied on the balance of probabilities that Chris okayed or approved the contract just like he had done before' except this time using emoji to satisfy the signature requirement.

For nearly a year, British Columbia's Rajnish Dhawan has been complaining to Chilliwack city officials about noise from the three pickleball courts erected about six metres from his property. Listing a catalogue of stress-related medical complaints related to the pickleball craze, the 52-year-old Dhawan explained that he and his wife decided to follow Gandhi's example and go on a hunger strike until the noise situation improves.
It seems that neither the city's new black tarpaulin and 'no pickleball after dusk' rules nor the couple's banner reading 'DAILY HUNGER STRIKE [only fruit, cereal, sharbat, nuts, etc. during daylight hours] AGAINST HARASSMENT AND DISCRIMINATION BY CITY OF CHILLIWACK' have had the desired effect.

A woman in Pinellas County, Florida, really wanted to catch a flight, so she scaled a fence to a Coast Guard station, where she stole a tricycle and rode it to the ramp area behind the St. Petersburg airport in hopes of boarding a commercial flight to Argentina. Spotted on the taxiway by airport personnel who'd been contacted by surveillance-feed monitors, she abandoned the stolen vehicle and unsuccessfully attempted to elude them. The woman, whose name has not been released, faces various charges. It is unclear whether alcohol or Scientology was involved.

Next, we have another Floridian to thank, 35-year-old Nichole A. Maks, of Daytona Beach. The landlord of a 79-year-old multiple-stab victim found dead in a burning building reported that Maks was the other tenant. Near the body were Maks's mobile phone, the victim's own phone, and a bloodied knife. And near a neighbouring restaurant was a barefoot, bloodied Maks. While Maks was happy to drop a knife and hammer at officers' feet when confronted there, she later insisted that she hadn't known the victim and had been living on the streets for years.
Under further questioning, though, she stated that she did know him but hadn't seen him on the day of the murder and that she did live in the building but had gone upstairs only to 'feed her spiders'. On the same occasion, she tried to scrub herself clean with Mountain Dew, thereby earning a charge of tampering with evidence.

Florida brings us one more Clippings item. This one involves Donnie Adams, a 52-year-old man who visited the emergency facilities of a St. Petersburg hospital for a tetanus shot and antibiotics, then returned three days later - flesh-eating bacteria had left him barely able to walk. To thwart them, surgeon Fritz Brink had to remove roughly 70% of the tissue from the front of the thigh, then conduct follow-up surgery after some intensive-care time.
The interesting part here is the cause: doctors explained that Adams had been bitten by a relative when intervening in a family altercation two days before his initial hospital visit. Adams reports that the two family members who had been feuding 'are very sorrowful'. In somewhat related news, frontal-lobe surgery on a woman at Canberra Hospital revealed the cause of the diarrhoea, night sweats, and other symptoms she'd begun reporting 1.5 years earlier. Describing the case for the journal Emerging Infectious Diseases, Dr Sanjaya Senanayake recounted that all medics in attendance 'got the shock of their life' when the abnormality raised into the air by the surgeon's forceps 'turned out to be a wriggling, live 8cm light red worm'. This Ophidascaris robertsi roundworm, representing the first extraction of a live worm from a human brain, is thought to have come from parasite-infested Warrigal greens the patient had harvested near her home for cooking.

The prime minister of Iraq has ordered an inquiry into how a bear proved able to escape from its crate in the cargo hold of an Iraqi Airlines plane that was preparing to depart for Baghdad from Dubai International Airport. Passengers were asked to step off the aircraft while the bear was dealt with. Approximately an hour later, the black bear had been sedated and bustled through the open cargo-bay door.
One element of the investigation involves the airline changing its story: the bear was being flown from Dubai to Baghdad, not the other way round. In other travel-related animal news, Customs agents at China's Futian Port thought it prudent to examine the belongings of a nervous-looking man arriving in Shenzhen from Hong Kong. They were particularly interested in the contents of his pockets, which he'd kept furtively checking. Each of the 14 socks and stockings in his pocketses contained a live snake, which the border agents emptied one by one into plastic containers. The herp-smuggler is likely to face charges at least in relation to his three bull-python passengers.

Security guards making their rounds before the Eiffel Tower's 9am opening time found two US tourists asleep in a normally off-limits area between the second and third level. A special fire crew were sent to rescue the men, who Paris prosecutors say 'appear to have got stuck because of how drunk they were' on the previous evening. The operator of the tower, SETE, plan to sue the pair, partly for loss of revenue related to the delayed opening required - though bomb threats too had cut into the day's takings.

Finland's YLE reports on a Pedersöre man who reported a local acquaintance to the authorities for having distributed 12 kilos of dynamite between two cars he owned. Tony Rauma, with the Ostrobothnia Police, later explained that this acquaintance 'had called the owner of the cars to say that he had taken dynamite to the cars for storage' as a joke. It appears that the car-owner wasn't amused.
Neither were the people who had to be evacuated from nearby buildings while the explosives and accompanying detonators were removed from the vehicles.

Swiss newspaper 20 Minuten recounts a 20-something man's attempt to 'embrace' Geneva's Jet d'Eau fountain by breaching the security perimeter and pressing his face to the nozzle, which reportedly expels 500 litres of water per second into Lake Geneva. This action sent the man flying backward in reaction.
Approaching again, our interloper threw his arms out around the torrent. This time, he was sent into the air and landed on the cement nearby before throwing himself into the lake. He was collected by police officers alerted by bystanders, then was carted off by ambulance.
Swiss electricity company SIG, operator of the fountain, announced plans to file a complaint against the man for trespassing.

Recycling bins aren't always available where most useful; however, those in Huron, Ohio, worked well enough to catch the creature that had been scuttling about above a bank drive-through at night while alarm-response officers looked on. That creature was 27-year-old Tristan Heidl, who dropped from the ceiling shortly after a rucksack containing construction tools hit the ground. Heidl was swiftly taken into custody and charged with safe-cracking and various other bank-robbery-related crimes.

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