Sixth Doctor index ]



First Broadcast: 06.09.86
Running Time: 24 minutes 57 seconds
Directed by Nicholas Mallett


(An enormous spaceship hangs in space. As it turns and moves, a dome opens and a bright light beam, shines from it. In the beam, the TARDIS is dragged through the dome, which closes after it, extinguishing the light.)


(The foyer is a large room. It is bare, apart from a short flight of steps leading to a door. The TARDIS malerialises. The doors open, and the DOCTOR stumbles out. He appears to be disorientated. He stumbles up the stairs. As he reaches the door he stops, hesitates and then pushes it open. He staggers through.)


(The room is in darkness. The DOCTOR enters. There is a man looking at him from across the room. He is wearing a black robe and a black skull-cap.)

VALEYARD: At last, Doctor.

DOCTOR: Am I late for something?

VALEYARD: I was beginning to fear you had lost yourself. Sit down.

(The DOCTOR walks from the door, in a step into a railed off area. He sits down in the chair that is there. The VALEYARD flicks a switch, and a light illuminates above the DOCTOR.)

DOCTOR: Well even I would find it hard to lose myself in a corridor. Especially, when propelled by the mental energy of so many distinguished Time Lords.

(The DOCTOR turns, and it becomes obvious that they are not alone. There are several Time Lords seated in a raised gallery to the DOCTOR's left, all wearing large, Time Lord collars.

VALEYARD: Oh, I don't know. You seem to have a great talent from straying from the straight and narrow.

(Suddenly, the lights come on. We can now see that the court consists of the two areas for the DOCTOR and the VALEYARD, a separate area for the judge or INQUISITOR. A raised area for the Time Lords and a screen above and behind them. A guard crosses to a door on the far side of the court and opens it. A party of people enters, led by a female Time Lady, who is wearing a white robe and a white collar. Everybody in the room stands. The DOCTOR begins to do the same, but quickly reseats himself. She sits in a chair positioned between the two railed areas containing the DOCTOR and the VALEYARD.)

DOCTOR: Would it be too much to ask what all this is about?

INQUISITOR: The accused will remain silent until invited to speak.

DOCTOR: The accused? Do you mean me?

INQUISITOR: I call upon the Valeyard to open the case.

(The VALEYARD stands,)

VALEYARD: By order of the High Council, this is an impartial enquiry into the behaviour of the accused person, known as the Doctor. Who is charged that he, on timeless occasions has been guilty of conduct unbecoming a Time Lord.

(The DOCTOR jumps from his seat.)

DOCTOR: Not guilty!

VALEYARD: He is also charged, with, on timeless occasions, transgressing the First Law. It is my unpleasant task, Madam Inquisitor, to prove to the enquiry that the Doctor is an encourageable meddler in the affairs of other peoples and planets.

INQUISITOR: Yes. I see, Valeyard, that it is on record that the Doctor has faced trial already with offences of this nature.

VALEYARD: That is so, my lady. And I shall contend that the High Council showed too greater leniency on that occasion.

INQUISITOR: Very well. Doctor, you've heard the charges. Do you wish to say anything before the enquiry proceeds?

DOCTOR: Only that this whole thing is a farce. I am Lord President of Gallifrey. You can't put me on trial.

(He turns to leave.)

INQUISITOR: Doctor, since you willfully neglected the responsibility of your great office, you were deposed.

(The DOCTOR returns to his seat.)

DOCTOR: Oh! Well is that legal?

INQUISITOR: Perfectly. But we won't hold it against you. Quite the contrary in fact. And to a see that your interests are fully protected, I propose to appoint a court to defender to represent you.

DOCTOR: Ah, oh, er... Thank you, but no thank you. I have been through several such inquiries before. I think it would be easier if I speak for myself.

INQUISITOR: The court notes the Doctor refuses the services of a court defender. Proceed, Valeyard.

VALEYARD: Inquisitor, I am not proposing to waste the time of the court by dwelling in detail, on the activities of the accused.


VALEYARD: Instead, I intend to adumbrate two typical instances from separate epistopic interfaces of the spectrum. These examples of the criminal behaviors of the accused are fully recorded in the Matrix, the repository of all knowledge.

(Everyone turns towards the screen.)

I should like to begin with the Doctor's involvement in the affairs of Ravalox.

(The screen changes to show a picture of a cloud covered planet.)

A planet within the Stellian galaxy.


(The DOCTOR and PERI are walking through the trees. The DOCTOR is carrying an umbrella. It had been raining, and the area is misty and damp.)


PERI: I don't think I like Ravalox very much. It reminds me of a wet November back on Earth.

DOCTOR: Now that's part of the reason why we're here.

PERI: Huh?

DOCTOR: Well, Ravalox has the same mass, angle of tilt...

(He tilts the umbrella to demonstrate.)

...and period of rotation

(He spins the umbrella.) Earth.

(PERI pulls the umbrella back to shelter her from the drizzle.)


DOCTOR: Well I thought that was quite interesting.

(PERI yawns.)

It's unusual to find two planets so similar. In fact, it's quite a phenomenon.

PERI: Oh, pity it couldn't be a dry one.

DOCTOR: Ravalox also has the distinction of having been destroyed by a solar fireball.

PERI: It doesn't look very destroyed.

DOCTOR: Well, according to the records on Gallifrey, it was devastated by a solar fireball some five centuries ago. I think somebody exaggerated, don't you?

PERI: Hmm.

(The rain stops and the DOCTOR puts the umbrella down.)

DOCTOR: Ah. The exhilarating smell, of a freshly laundered forest. Can't beat it.

PERI: (sarcastically.) And the twittering of tiny birds, and the rustling of small mammals as they forage for food in the undergrowth.

DOCTOR: Exactly.

PERI: Then you're better hearing than me. There aren't any birds.

DOCTOR: I wondered when you'd notice.

PERI: None of this makes any sense. Any soil left after the visitation of a fireball would be sterile.

DOCTOR: (surprised.) Well done.

PERI: Don't patronize me Doctor. You knew from the start this kind of growth wasn't possible.

DOCTOR: I also knew, that as a student of botany, you'd realize the truth without any prompting from me.

PERI: Maybe.


PERI: Is there any intelligent life here?

DOCTOR: What, apart from me, you mean? I don't know. Shall we find out?

(They move off.)


(The DOCTOR and PERI can be seen walking down a natural path through the trees, by two men.)

DIBBER: They're not often round here, Mr. Glitz.

GLITZ: I know that, Dibber.


(The DOCTOR notices something on the floor. He pokes at the leaves with his umbrella.)

DOCTOR: Aha! Look at this.

(He hooks something on the end of the umbrella and flicks it up. It is a necklace.)

We are certainly not on this planet alone. Hmm. Let's reconnoiter shall we?

(He pockets the necklace and hesitates in which direction to go.)


(GLITZ and DIBBER, dressed, half in armour, half in savage rags are cleaning their guns. GLITZ is slightly overweight and has a beard. DIBBER has a very thin beard and large segmented sideburns.))

GLITZ: You know, Dibber, I'm the product of a broken home.

(DIBBER watches as the DOCTOR and PERI disappear down the path.)

DIBBER: Er, you have mentioned it on occasions, Mr. Glitz.

GLITZ: Which sort of unbalanced me. Made me selfish to the point where I cannot stand competition.

DIBBER: Know the feeling only too well, Mr. Glitz.

GLITZ: Where as yours is a simply case of sotheopathy, Dibber, my malaise is much more complex. A deep-rooted maladjustment, my psychiatrist said. Brought on by an infantile inability to come to terms with the more pertinent, concrete aspects of life.

DIBBER: That sounds more like an insult than a diagnosis, Mr. Glitz.

GLITZ: You're right there, my lad. Mind you, I had just attempted to kill him.

(DIBBER laughs.)

Oh, I do hate prison psychiatrists, don't you? I mean they do nothing for you. I must have seen dozens of 'em. And I still hate competition.

(He remembers the DOCTOR and PERI. They raise their guns.)

Especially when it approaches my territory. I'm going to enjoy this.

(He looks down the rifle's sights and fixes the DOCTOR's head in the cross-hairs. Suddenly the DOCTOR ducks out of the way.)

Too late! Oh, I do hate it when people get lucky. It really offends my sensibilities.

DIBBER: Shouldn't we go after them?

GLITZ: How is it they know where to look? Tell me that, Dibber.

DIBBER: I don't know. Maybe they've all copied the same map we did. Do you want me to go after them?

GLITZ: Why? Do you want to help them?

DIBBER: No, it's just that if we're after the same thing as us...

GLITZ: Don't worry. They'll soon be dead. It's just that I wanted the personal pleasure of killing them myself.


(The DOCTOR and PERI are walking. The DOCTOR stops to look at something. PERI rushes over to a clump of bushes.)

PERI: Oh, here, Doctor, look.


(Through a gap in the trees, a panel can be seen.)

The remains of a building.

PERI: And we're not going inside.

DOCTOR: Of course not, we can't. We haven't found the entrance yet. This is the type of place where some early life forms might have survived. Come along.

PERI: I'm just not crazy about meeting any early life forms.

DOCTOR: Hmm. Yeah.


(DIBBER and GLITZ are cleaning their guns.)

DIBBER: I'm not sure, but going to that village could be a valuable waste of time.

GLITZ: That complex down there is still functional, which means the L3 robot is operational.

DIBBER: Minus that.

GLITZ: To render the robot non-operational, we have to destroy the light-converter, which supplies its energy system.

DIBBER: I know all that.

GLITZ: Then why are you arguing with me? It's not my fault if a bunch of backward savages have turned a magnum, mark seven light-converter into a totem pole.

DIBBER: It's just that I think we should kill those two first.

GLITZ: And meet the robot head on at full power? I don't think you have my full interests at heart Dibber.

DIBBER: If the robot doesn't kill them before we destroy his energy supply, well, they could be up and away with the goods before we've even got back from the village.

GLITZ: I know that Dibber. Now you understand why I hate competition. It spoils everything.

DIBBER: I still think we should kill 'em.

GLITZ: We will, Dibber. We will. When the time is right.


(The DOCTOR is examining a tree.)

PERI: Doctor, I know this sounds crazy, but I have the weirdest feeling I've been here before.

DOCTOR: Yes! I often get that feeling. Of course, I usually have. In your case, it's not possible.

PERI: Well, possible or not, I want to get away from here.

DOCTOR: You're absolutely right, we must find out what's going on here.

(The DOCTOR finds a tunnel hidden by some branches.)

Aha! That's it. Come along.

(He disappears into the trees. PERI stares anxiously out into the forest.)

(oov) Peri?

(PERI follows.)


(The DOCTOR moves through the passageway carrying a torch PERI follows him. He turns into another area and disappears down another passage.)

PERI: I scratched myself.


(The DOCTOR appears at the top of what appears to be a twentieth century escalator. PERI appears behind him. They begin to descend the steps.)

DOCTOR: Oh, you're young. You'll soon heal.

PERI: Thanks for the sympathy.


(The DOCTOR wanders further away, whilst PERI examines the nearby walls.)

You know, I'm glad I decided to come here. I might stay here for a year or so and write a thesis. 'Ancient Life on Ravalox' by Doctor...

PERI: Doctor look! There's something here I think you should see.

(At the top of the escalator behind them, an unseen figure watches them.)


(DIBBER and GLITZ watch the path from behind a tree. A number of primitively dressed and equipped people can be seen walking down the path.)

GLITZ: Look at 'em. Primitive screeves.

DIBBER: Are they from the village?

GLITZ: Must be.

DIBBER: Well then let's make it a few less we'll have to deal with.

(DIBBER raises his gun.)

GLITZ: No! All we need is a gesture of strength. Show them they haven't got a chance.

(He pulls something from his belt and throws it. There is a small explosion near the bath.)

Amazing the affect a loud bang can have on the primitive mind.

(They move towards the savages.)

(shouting.) Come here, you ignorant, maggot ridden peasant.

(to DIBBER.) Somehow I always feel foolish saying this.

(shouting.) Take me to your leader.



(The DOCTOR and PERI are studying a sign half buried on the floor.)

DOCTOR: Well, I suppose there is a billion to one chance there was a place called Marble Arch on Ravalox.

PERI: And they wrote in English?

DOCTOR: Well that's another billion to one chance. It does begin to seem a little unlikely doesn't it?

PERI: Oh, Doctor, we're on Earth aren't we? I said it felt like Earth.

DOCTOR: It's in the wrong part of space for it to be your planet. Besides, according to all the record books, this is Ravalox.

PERI: Well then, how do you explain this?

DOCTOR: Well, er.... I can't, not yet. Unless of course, perhaps they collected railway stations.

PERI: That's ridiculous.

DOCTOR: But not impossible though. Not as impossible as the other explanation.

PERI: What's that?

DOCTOR: That your planet and its entire constellation, managed to shift itself a couple of light-years through space, after which, for some reason it became known as Ravalox.

PERI: Well, what time are we in?

DOCTOR: Oh, a long time after your period.

(He looks at a pocket watch.)

Er, two million years or more.

PERI: Well so what's happened to London?

DOCTOR: Wiped out. If this was London.

PERI: Oh, Doctor, I know it is. I can feel it.

DOCTOR: Now don't get emotional.

PERI: Don't get emotional? This cinder we're standing on is all that's left of my world. Everything I knew.


(The action on the Matrix screen stops. The DOCTOR leaps from his seat.)

DOCTOR: Why do I have to sit here watching Peri getting upset, while two unsavoury adventurers bully a bunch of natives.

VALEYARD: The reason will be made clear shortly, Doctor.

DOCTOR: As a matter of interest, where is Peri?

VALEYARD: Where you left her, Doctor.

DOCTOR: Where's that?

VALEYARD: You don't remember? Obviously a side effect of being taken out of time. The amnesia should soon pass.

INQUISITOR: Shall we continue?

DOCTOR: Well can't we just have the edited highlights?

(Everybody turns to face the screen. It changes to show an image of the DOCTOR and PERI.)


DOCTOR: I know how you feel.

PERI: Do you?

DOCTOR: Of course I do. You've been travelling with me long enough to know that none of this really matters. Not to you. Your world is safe.

PERI: This is still my world, whatever the period. And I care about it. And all you do is talk about it as though we're in a planetarium.

DOCTOR: I'm sorry. But look at it this way. Planets come and go, stars perish, matter disperses, coalesces, forms into other patterns, other worlds. Nothing can be eternal.

PERI: I know what you mean, and I still wanna get away from here.

DOCTOR: Oh, I can't. There's a mystery here. Questions to which I must have an answer.

(He crosses over to what looks like a sliding metal door. He presses a button and it glides upwards.)

Look, Peri. Oh, hermetically sealed. Leading down to a lower level. Now some of the original inhabitants might have survived down there. You coming?

PERI: No. I've seen enough. I'll meet you at the entrance. Where they used to cell candy bars, and newspapers.

DOCTOR: All right, shan't be long. Don't go wondering off. Be careful.

(He leaves. PERI heads towards the exit, but trips over some rubble. She yells in surprise. The DOCTOR reappears.)

I said be careful.

(He leaves.)

PERI: (shouting.) Of what? The spooks and ghosts you're always telling me don't exist. Hey! You could have left me the umbrella. Oh please yourself. I don't mind getting wet.

(She heads for the exit. Suddenly, two man dressed in skins and wearing masks grab her. They are carrying spears. She screams.)


(The village of the natives is a small camp of primitive houses. However, in the middle of the village, there is a highly advanced technological structure. The black light converter. The village is bustling. A soldier runs over to the door of the main hut and knocks. Meanwhile, DIBBER and GLITZ are being led by a convoy of natives, led by BROKEN TOOTH.)

GLITZ: The light converter!

DIBBER: Let me blast it, Mr. Glitz, then we get away from here?

GLITZ: Oh, you'd look good with a back full of spears, Dibber. Use your head.

(They are led to the main hut, from which a large woman steps, surrounded by guards.)

Anyway, we've got company. Right royal company, by the looks of things.

DIBBER: You'll never charm her.

GLITZ: I have an uncanny knack with aging females, Dibber. One look into my eyes and they start to melt.

(The two groups step towards each other.)


(The DOCTOR is wandering through the tunnels. He turns the torch out and pockets it. Then he continues down the tunnels and eventually comes to a room which has four egg-shaped doors, each with three steps leading up to it, and a podium with a flask of water stood on it. The DOCTOR walks across to the nearest door and examines the flask. He lifts it off the podium.)

ALARM: Water thief! Water Thief!

(The doors open and two people emerge from each door. They are dressed in grey suits, covered in yellow overalls, and they have grey hoods over their heads. But most alarmingly for the DOCTOR they all carry clubs.)

DOCTOR: Ah! Can any of y...

(The men encircle the DOCTOR and raise their clubs.)

ALARM: Water thief! Water thief!

DOCTOR: ...about the stationmaster?

(The DOCTOR ducks under the men for protection.)


(A screen lights up and a man's face appears. It is MERDEEN, the train guard leader.)

MERDEEN: Yes, Immortal?

IMMORTAL: (robotically.) Marb... station... shows... one... work... unit... over... strength... Remove It!

MERDEEN: Immediately, Immortal.

(The camera swings round to reveal that the IMMORTAL is a robot. It's real name is DRATHRO.)


(MERDEEN crosses over to a man, sitting behind a computer.)

MERDEEN: Hall Watch, Marb is a work unit over.


MERDEEN: I don't know, but the Immortal is never wrong, Grell.

GRELL: I'll summon the watch.


(There is now a large group crowded outside the tribe's leader's hut. She is seated in a throne-like chair. She addresses GLITZ and DIBBER.)

KATRYCA: So, you are outlanders. From where

GLITZ: A far off star, majesty.

KATRYCA: You have a spaceship?

GLITZ: You know of such things?

KATRYCA: It is recorded in our folk memory. Before the fire, our ancestors travelled among the stars.

GLITZ: (sarcastically.) Is that a fact?

KATRYCA: It is also recorded that such travel angered the Gods, who punished us, by sending the great fire, which destroyed our planet.

GLITZ: No, dear lady. It was a lot more secular than that.

(He points to the light converter.)

That attracted the fireball.

KATRYCA: That is our great totem, to the Earth God Haldren.

GLITZ: No madam, that is a malfunctioning navigational beacon. It was that that attracted the fireball five hundred years ago. And I'm here to tell you that it is still malfunctioning today.

KATRYCA: How do you know this?

GLITZ: It is my job to know. And if you don't have it dismantled, the fireball will return.

KATRYCA: What is your name?

GLITZ: Sabalom Glitz.

KATRYCA: I am an old woman, Sabalom Glitz, and you are not the first to visit my village from another world.

GLITZ: Is that a fact?

KATRYCA: On each and every occasion, they have all wanted to dismantle the great totem.

GLITZ: In that case, you understand the urgen...

KATRYCA: And on each and every occasion, they have all had a different reason.

GLITZ: Let me assure you, my credentials are bona fide and completely in order.

(He draws his gun. BROKEN TOOTH steps forward and, after a short struggle, prises it from his hand.)

KATRYCA: Ah, yes. The guns. They all had similar credentials.

GLITZ: That totem is a navigational hazard. It must be dismantled.

KATRYCA: You must think me a fool! You have come here for no other reason than to steal the symbol of our great God.

GLITZ: And what would I want with some earth-grubbing deity.

KATRYCA: I don't know. But before you die, I shall certainly find out.


(The DOCTOR is chained to a pole, unconscious. BALAZAR and the other people are watching him. He begins to stir.)

BALAZAR: Where are you from, Old One?

DOCTOR: (offended.) Old One!

BALAZAR: What station did you disgrace with your miserable presence, Water Thief?

DOCTOR: Look, I may look old to you, whiskerless youth, but I'll have you know I'm in the prime of my life. I'm only nine hundred years old. Now untie me at once.

BALAZAR: You'll be untied as soon as we're ready for the stoning.

DOCTOR: Stoning? Is this the way you welcome visitors?

BALAZAR: Water is life. Those who steal life must in their turn die. The Immortal commands it.

DOCTOR: Oh, the Immortal! Who might that be?

BALAZAR: Come now, Old One. Feigning ignorance of the immortal will not save you from death.


(KATRYCA has got DIBBER and GLITZ's guns. She looks at them joyously.)

KATRYCA: This is what I've been waiting for. Now Immortal, I am ready for you.


DOCTOR: And just who are you?

BALAZAR: I am Balazar, the reader of the books.

DOCTOR: Oh! And what books are those?

BALAZAR: Ancient books. From the world before the fire. They contain much wisdom for those who can interpret their meaning. Here in Marb, we have three.

DOCTOR: (sarcastically.) Three! Splendid! What are they called?

BALAZAR: 'The Books of Knowledge'.

DOCTOR: No, but each book must have a name, Balazar. It's usually written on the front.

BALAZAR: One of our books is called 'Moby Dick' by Herman Melville. It tells of a great white water God, and contains many mystical passages.

DOCTOR: Yes, I've read it. What are the others books.

BALAZAR: How can you have read it, Old One? The sacred books belong to Marb.

DOCTOR: Will you stop calling me Old One? I am known as the Doctor. What else do you read?

BALAZAR: 'The Water Babies' by Charles Kingsley, which tells of life long before the fire.

DOCTOR: Sounds a rum sort of library to me. What's your third book?

BALAZAR: Most mysterious of all the sacred texts, 'U.K. Habitats of the Canadian Goose' by H.M. Stationary Office.

DOCTOR: Hmm. What do you call this place?

BALAZAR: Marb Station.

DOCTOR: No, I mean your whole world, everything.

BALAZAR: We call it U.K. Habitat.


(The village has quietened down.)


(GLITZ and DIBBER are being held prisoner in one of the huts. DIBBER is looking through a small hole in the door, while GLITS is lying on a bed.)

DIBBER: What about that woman we saw earlier?

GLITZ: I can't understand it, Dibber. They're savages.

DIBBER: (sarcastically.) Well, don't let it get you down.

GLITZ: What went wrong? That old hag took our guns away from us just like that.

(He clicks his fingers.)

How can we be their prisoners?

DIBBER: I told you it was risky coming here.

GLITZ: Yeah, well now you know what I mean by competition. It gets you nowhere.

DIBBER: I told you we should have blasted them, Mr. Glitz.

GLITZ: Yes Dibber, you've made your point.


(BALAZAR has untied the DOCTOR. He leads him away from the pole from which he was chained, and into an open space. All the other men are now equipped with stones.)

BALAZAR: I think it best, that you stand over here.

DOCTOR: Oh, why?

BALAZAR: Well incase some stray stone breaks the water jugs.

DOCTOR: Oh, yes.

BALAZAR: People get very excited at these stonings.

(BALZAR hooks the DOCTOR's umbrella over the DOCTOR's arm. He then retreats to where everyone else is standing.)

DOCTOR: I'm not excited.


(Everybody raises their stones.)

Get set.

(The DOCTOR unfolds his arms.)


(The DOCTOR opens his umbrella and deflects must of the stones, but one hits him and he falls to the ground. Everybody rushes towards him cheering.)


(The screen goes blank.)

DOCTOR: Oh! Why d'you have to stop it at the best bit? I was rather enjoying that.

VALEYARD: I'm sure you were.

DOCTOR: Clever, eh? That trick with the umbrella.

VALEYARD: (sarcastically.) Most ingenious, my dear Doctor.

DOCTOR: Oh, I always like to do the unexpected. Takes people by surprise.

(The VALEYARD stands and addresses the INQUISITOR and Time Lords.)

VALEYARD: Hear how the Doctor takes pride in his interference. Hear how he boasts. This is not the reaction of a responsible Time Lord.

INQUISITOR: We are all aware of that, Valeyard. What is the point you are trying to make?

VALEYARD: These proceedings started as a mere enquiry into the Doctor's activities. I'm suggesting now that it becomes a trial. And if he is found guilty... I strongly suggest the termination of his life!

(The DOCTOR sits up, his mouth open is shock.)

The Doctor


The Valeyard

The Inquisitor






Broken Tooth



Title Music composed by

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Title Sequence





Transcribed By
Richard Wallace


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