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"The Ribos Operation"
Episode 4
Written by Robert Holmes
First broadcast 1978
1: INT. CATACOMBS
SHOLAKH: They've gone deeper than this.
(The Doctor turns to look at them - and accidentally knocks a skull out onto the ground. It hits with a clatter.)
GRAFF: NOW WE HAVE HIM!!!
(Having to act fast, the Doctor pulls out his dog whistle and blows sharply...and farther down the passage, a Shrivenzale awakes.)
GRAFF: He cannot escape - and no one will ever know how he tried to trick the Graff Vynda-K!
(Nobody told the Shrivenzale crawling towards them that, though.)
GRAFF: It's a beast!! Take cover!!!
(The heroes have already done that, and dig themselves even farther in the tomb holes. The Shrivenzale crawls along the passage, snorting. A moment, and then the Graff's group emerges from hiding in a side passage.)
SHOLAKH: Guards - reform!!
(The bodyguards gather again.)
SHOLAKH: These caves remind me of that labyrinth we had to fight through on Phraetiss. We moved in darkness. Every forward step, things were squirming and crunching under our feet...remember, Highness?
GRAFF: Almost a year without sight of sky. But these are not caves like those, Sholakh.
SHOLAKH: The air's the same - heavy and damp with the stench of death. No wonder the natives wouldn't come here.
GRAFF: Why think you now of the Phraetiss labyrinth? What troubles you?
SHOLAKH: Our problem's the same, Graff. I mean, there we had two legions searching for the enemy - here, we have a few men searching for one. It'll take as long.(The Graff grabs Sholakh's arms.)
GRAFF: Still a pessimist?? Even if it takes TWICE as long, (makes a fist) I shall not leave this planet until I have that jethrik!!
SHOLAKH: Then perhaps, Highness, we should have brought that old boneshaker with us.
GRAFF: The seeker?
SHOLAKH: If she truly has the gift of sniffing out fugitives.
GRAFF: You're right, Sholakh. YES, by heaven!! We'll force that old witch to lead us, even if we have to carry her!! COME!!!
2: INT. CAVES
(The passages have given way to dark caverns. Unstoffe and Binro continue their long trek nevertheless. But old Binro is finding his way harder and harder, and he almost can't walk now.)
UNSTOFFE: Do you need a rest, Binro?
BINRO: Eh? No, no, I can go on.
UNSTOFFE: No, no, come on. I'm thinking of myself as well.(He helps Binro over to a large boulder to rest.)
BINRO: Well, in that case...
UNSTOFFE: Well, sit down.(Binro and Unstoffe rest on the boulder.)
UNSTOFFE: Space travel rots the muscles, Binro.
BINRO: Space travel - how is it done, my friend? How do you fly between the stars, hmm?
UNSTOFFE: If we were to stay here the rest of our lives, Binro, I couldn't begin to explain that one.
BINRO: I understand. There's so much still to learn.
3: INT. CATACOMBS
(The Doctor sneaks back into Romana's and Garron's hiding spot after looking around.)
ROMANA: Have they gone?
DOCTOR: No.
ROMANA: You nearly got us killed.
DOCTOR: If you call that being nearly killed, you haven't lived yet. Just stay with me, and you'll get a lot nearer.(A loud growl nearby.)
DOCTOR: In fact, you're a lot nearer right now.
ROMANA: You've got an unconscious death wish.
GARRON: Don't speak up!!
DOCTOR: No - no bickering.
ROMANA: Never bicker.
GARRON: Now, we should be looking for my invaluable young friend Unstoffe...
DOCTOR: ...who's carrying a valuable piece of jethrik.
GARRON: (clapping his shoulder) What is property at such a time?
DOCTOR: Quite right.
ROMANA: What do we do now?(The Doctor thinks about it.)
DOCTOR: You go that way, I'll go this way.
GARRON: Which way?
DOCTOR: That way.
GARRON: Oh, that way.
ROMANA: Back to the city?
DOCTOR: Well, someone's got to keep an eye on Vynda-K! (pause) Well, don't just lie there, do something!
ROMANA: What??
DOCTOR: Move.
GARRON: What, now?
DOCTOR: NOW!!(The group jumps out of the tomb - and jumps right back in again as another growl is heard.)
ROMANA: Now?
(The Doctor holds up a finger - wait for it...)
DOCTOR: NOW!!
(Romana and Garron jump out of the tomb and race up the passage. The Doctor pauses and waits for K-9 to move out of his hiding spot.)
K-9: Need help, Master?
DOCTOR: No, don't explain, don't explain...look after those two.(K-9 follows in Romana and Garron's direction. The Doctor heads off the other way.)
4: INT. CAVERNS
(Binro is now holding the huge chunk of jethrik.)
UNSTOFFE: If you had the knowledge of how to use it, Binro, there's enough energy in there to move you and me across the universe.
(Binro gasps.)
BINRO: Really? Hoo...no wonder men fight for it. But you didn't steal this from the relic room? Where did you get it?
(Unstoffe takes the rock back.)
UNSTOFFE: It belonged to a friend of mine.
BINRO: Th-the one who sent his voice through the air into your hand?
UNSTOFFE: Garron, yes. I was supposed to meet Garron in the concourse. It was to be our contingency rendezvous.
BINRO: Yes...what?
UNSTOFFE: We were supposed to meet there if anything went wrong. He didn't turn up, so...I suppose he must be in trouble himself.
BINRO: You're worried about him, aren't you, my friend?
UNSTOFFE: Yes. You see, we've worked together for a long time. This was to be our last job. He often talks of going back to Hackneywick.
BINRO: What's that?
UNSTOFFE: Well, for all I can make out, it's j-just a mud patch in the middle of nowhere. But I suppose it's home to him.
BINRO: I don't understand.
UNSTOFFE: Oh, I'm sorry, I was just thinking aloud. Well, you see, I've a feeling this was our last job after all, o-only it hasn't turned out quite the way we expected.
BINRO: P-perhaps I should go back and look for him.
UNSTOFFE: Do you think you could find your way from here?
BINRO: From here, yes. If we go any farther into these caves, it'll not be possible.
UNSTOFFE: And the deeper we go, the more chance there is of our being eaten, right?
BINRO: Yes...or of the roof falling in. You see, these caves a-a-are very old and dangerous. But on the other hand, there may be another way from here up to the surface. I...I...I'll do whatever you think is best, my friend.
UNSTOFFE: But there could be danger waiting for you up in the city.
BINRO: Who knows I helped you? No-no-nobody notices old Binro the Heretic.
UNSTOFFE: You'd risk your life for me? Why?
BINRO: (smiles) You wouldn't understand.(He gets up, turns to go, then looks back.)
BINRO: For years, I was jeered and derided. I began to doubt even myself. Then you came along, and you told me...I was right.
(He chuckles, and starts on his way...then pauses...)
BINRO: Just to know that for certain, Unstoffe...is worth a life, eh?
(And with that, he walks out of sight. Unstoffe suddenly gets up.)
UNSTOFFE: Binro!
BINRO: Yes?(Unstoffe pulls off his wrist speaker, walks over to Binro and hands it to him.)
UNSTOFFE: Here. You'd better take this, just in case Garron suspects it's some kind of trick.
BINRO: Oh, thanks. (chuckles) I-I'll...I'll try to hurry.
UNSTOFFE: Good luck.(Binro walks into the caverns, chuckling. Unstoffe sighs and waits.)
5: EXT. CASTLE FOYER
(The Doctor has his back to a pillar, listening as nearby Graff addresses the Captain and his guards.)
GRAFF: (pushy) Captain, I am tired of waiting. How much longer?
CAPTAIN: (fed up with him) The seeker will come in her own time.
GRAFF: (an ominous tone in his voice) That's not polite, is it Sholakh?
SHOLAKH: (a sadistic grin growing on his face) It's grossly discourteous, Highness.
GRAFF: Grossly - you'd go so far as to say that, would you?
SHOLAKH: I'd even say insulting.
GRAFF: Then I have a right to be angry, Sholakh. Someone should be punished.
SHOLAKH: Teach him the value of good manners, Highness.
GRAFF: Precisely.(And with this, the Graff lifts his crystal-studded staff and vaporizes a guard with an emerald ray. We thankfully don't see the demise, only the guard's agonized last gasp. The Doctor winces, and rushes across the foyer out of sight. The Captain kneels by the fallen guard.)
SHOLAKH: An excellent shot, Highness.
CAPTAIN: He's dead! (looks at Graff) What have you done?!?(The Graff studies the corpse.)
GRAFF: Slightly high and to the left.
SHOLAKH: Still an excellent shot, your Highness.
GRAFF: Thank you.(The Captain gets up.)
CAPTAIN: You're not from the North...what are you?
GRAFF: IMPATIENT, CAPTAIN!!! Tell the seeker I want her here...NOW.(Sholakh steps forward threateningly.)
SHOLAKH: What are you waiting for, Captain?
(Visibly shaken, the Captain runs off.)
SHOLAKH: That stirred him up a bit.
GRAFF: I flatter myself. I know how to get the best from a native.(He walks off after the Captain.)
6: INT. CORRIDOR
(From a high window, the Doctor watches the guards carry off their fallen member. He then heads over to...)
7: INT. GRAFF'S SUITE
(...where he crosses over to the fallen guard, still covered in a blanket.)
8: INT. CATACOMBS
(K-9 leads the search, with Romana trailing behind. She pauses and looks around the intersection.)
ROMANA: Garron? Garron, where are you?
K-9: He has departed, Mistress.
ROMANA: Well, that's obvious. But where?
K-9: To see a man about a dog.
ROMANA: WHAT?!?
K-9: That was the information he imparted.
ROMANA: Well, why didn't you tell me earlier?
K-9: You did not ask, Mistress.(Romana sighs.)
K-9: Which route, Mistress?
(Romana checks her pockets for the wand - and suddenly realizes...)
ROMANA: The tracer...He's stolen the tracer!! Oh, how could I have been such a fool?!?
K-9: Question not understood. Kindly rephrase.
ROMANA: It's vital to get that tracer back. What can I do?
K-9: I will run through my databanks for information.
ROMANA: I wasn't asking you, K-9!!(K-9 wags its ears.)
K-9: No other entity is present.
ROMANA: I was talking to myself!!!
K-9: That procedure is not logical. The purpose of speech is to communicate information.(She flings her coat over K-9.)
ROMANA: Be quiet, K-9 - you're a very irritating computer.
K-9: (muffled) Mffress.(Romana pulls the coat off K-9 and kneels beside him.)
ROMANA: Oh, I'm sorry, K-9.
(She pets him. K-9 wags his ears.)
ROMANA: What can we do now?
K-9: Seek, mistress.(K-9 starts forward.)
ROMANA: Seek?
9: EXT. CITY
(The bodyguards march through the medieval city, the Seeker last of all. Sholakh shoves her forward.)
SHOLAKH: Move yourself, unless you want my boot behind you!!
(As they move off, the Graff walks up to Sholakh.)
GRAFF: We'll soon know the truth now, Sholakh, and if she proves a charlatan, we'll use her carcass for target practice.
SHOLAKH: Oh, she knows that already - those bones of hers are shaking even as she's standing still.(Graff moves off. Sholakh becomes aware of a guard standing oddly still.)
SHOLAKH: You!! Double up - what's keeping you??
(The guard moves past Sholakh to join the others.)
10: INT. CAVERNS
(Sitting on the boulder, Unstoffe begins to hear the clicking of the Key wand. He grabs a rock and ducks behind the boulder.)
GARRON: (O.S.) If I ain't standing in your feet, my son, this instrument has to be Japanese!
(Unstoffe gets up and runs to Garron.)
UNSTOFFE: Garron!
GARRON: Ah, there you are!
UNSTOFFE: How did you find me?
GARRON: Ah, the wonders of modern technology, my boy - this remarkable piece of equipment of a jethrik detector. In that bag, I perceive.
UNSTOFFE: Yeah. But first things first, Garron.(Garron takes the bag.)
GARRON: Yes, exactly. You know how attached I am to that piece of jethrik.
(He shakes the bag.)
GARRON: Ahh...do I hear the chink of the Graff's gold?
UNSTOFFE: Money isn't everything, Garron.
GARRON: Who wants everything? Heh, I'll settle for 90 percent!
11: INT. CRYPT
(The Seeker is going through her little ceremony.)
SEEKER: I SEE HIM!! The one you seek is here!
GRAFF: Then lead us to him.
SEEKER: We shall not reach him. I see death standing between us.
SHOLAKH: You're wrong, witch! Death is standing right behind you!!
SEEKER: I will lead him, if that be your wish. But all but one of us is doomed to die. Thus has it been written.
12: INT. CAVERN
GARRON: Our problem now, my boy, is to find a way back!
(Garron starts to get up, but Unstoffe grabs his arm.)
UNSTOFFE: If we move from here, Binro will never find us again.
GARRON: D'ya think he'll come back for you?
UNSTOFFE: Well of course he will...after he's searched the city for you, and that'll probably take him hours.
GARRON: Well, let's hope the Graff doesn't get here first.
UNSTOFFE: There's not much chance of that - these caves stretch for miles.
GARRON: I dunno - he's press-ganged some native witch.
UNSTOFFE: What, the seeker?
GARRON: You know about her?
UNSTOFFE: Yeah, Binro told me about her. Hey, what about this Doctor and the girl? Any chance of them finding us?
GARRON: Oh, I sincerely hope not.
UNSTOFFE: Why not? I thought they'd helped you escape.
GARRON: (smirks) We were temporary allies in adversity.
UNSTOFFE: Well, where are they now?
GARRON: The girl's wandered about somewhere. The Doctor said he'd go back and keep an eye on the Graff.
UNSTOFFE: J-j-just a minute, Garron, Garron..."wandering about"...down here?
GARRON: Well, I imagine so. Unless she happens to have another of these little gadgets.(Garron holds up the wand. Unstoffe takes the wand from him, disgusted.)
UNSTOFFE: You stole it from her! That's where you got it from!
(Garron takes it back.)
GARRON: Well, I relieved her of it. It seemed such a responsibility for a young girl.
UNSTOFFE: You cavalier old hypocrite. How could you??
GARRON: Well, I admit, I had a great trouble with me conscience. Fortunately, I won!(Unstoffe drops the bag, he's so sickened.)
13: INT. CATACOMBS
(The Seeker holds a pair of bones before her, as the bodyguards, Sholakh and the Graff march behind her.)
SEEKER: (mumbling) Deeper, deeper...lead us deeper yet.
(Graff stops the guards and shoves his way to the front. Sholakh follows.)
SHOLAKH: Highness?
GRAFF: By those rocks over there - somebody moved.
SHOLAKH: (to the guards) You two - bring it over here!(Two guards rush off-screen toward the mystery movement. They grab and bring the person forward - it's Binro.)
GRAFF: What are you doing here?!?
BINRO: Looking for fossils.
GRAFF: Fossils? Grave robbing, more like.
BINRO: I sell them sometimes. I cannot work, I am too old.
SHOLAKH: What's that in your hand??(Sholakh moves forward and seizes the wrist speaker from Binro's hand.)
SHOLAKH: (grins) A strange fossil, Highness. (to Binro) All right, where did you get this from?
BINRO: (smiles) Found it.
SHOLAKH: I command the truth, old one, or we blast your head off!
GRAFF: Not yet.(He pushes the group on.)
GRAFF: Bring him.
(The procession continues...)
SEEKER: Deeper, deeper.
(...the Seeker, the Graff and Sholakh, Binro, and the guards - one of whom is trailing a funny-looking scarf under and behind his cape.)
14: INT. CRYPT
(The Captain and his men haven't exactly been sitting idle. At the moment, they are hauling a primitive yet functional cannon over to the catacomb's entrance.)
CAPTAIN: That'll do.
(They position the cannon and wait. He loads in the cannonball.)
CAPTAIN: Now pack it with shot.
(They do so.)
CAPTAIN: They say none ever returns from the deep catacombs...and if any of that lot do, they won't get very far.
15: INT. CAVERN
(The Seeker leads the Graff's army into the cavern.)
SEEKER: Bones, the bones...the bones, the bones...they're ALIVE!! THE ONE YOU SEEK IS HERE!!
(The group stops.)
BINRO: This is where, Highness. I'll show you...
(Sholakh grabs at Binro as he tries to run.)
SHOLAKH: STAY!!
(Binro breaks free, runs to Unstoffe's side.)
BINRO: Unstoffe, Unstoffe...
GRAFF: KILL HIM!!
GARRON: NO, YOU FOOL, YOU FOOL!!!(Garron lifts the guard's weapon as Binro runs up to Unstoffe - but Sholakh's staff is quicker, and the old man crashes at Unstoffe's feet.)
BINRO: Right...I w-w-was right...Unstoffe...
(Life passes out of Binro.)
GARRON: Is that Binro?
(Eyes filling with tears, Unstoffe nods.)
GARRON: Charming fellow, the little I saw of him.
(Unstoffe gets to his feet, fire in his eyes.)
UNSTOFFE: Murderers.
(Garron grabs him.)
GARRON: Now don't be a fool!! DON'T BE A FOOL!!!
UNSTOFFE: MURDERERS!!!
GARRON: UNST...(ZZZZIINNNGGG!!! The blast hits Unstoffe's shoulder. He sinks to his knees. Garron runs up to him, throwing aside the weapon.)
GARRON: Unstoffe...
(The ground begins to rumble, shake - rocks fall from the ceiling.)
GARRON: Over here!! Hurry!!
UNSTOFFE: They never said the roof wasn't safe...
GRAFF: GUARDS!!! THE JETHRIK!!!
UNSTOFFE: Here, take it!!
GARRON: Unstoffe, NO...(Unstoffe shoves the bag at Sholakh. Sholakh opens the bag.)
SHOLAKH: It's here, Highness - and the gold.
GRAFF: Good. When these criminals have been executed, we shall almost have settled our score here. Now, how did you escape, Garron?
GARRON: Ingenuity, Highness. Sheer ingenuity.
GRAFF: And where are the others, your two accomplices?
GARRON: (wicked grin) Not accomplices, Highness. You mean the Security agents.
GRAFF: SECURITY AGENTS?!?
GARRON: Yeah, that's the irony of it. They just arrested us for landing on a Class-3 planet and didn't even know of your presence until you made it felt!!
GRAFF: YOU LIE!!!
GARRON: Why should I bother? No Graff, their report will be with the Alliance shortly, and you'll no longer be a nobleman of the Selenic Empire and an honoured war veteran. You'll just be a common criminal like US!!!
GRAFF: STAND THEM AGAINST THAT WALL!!!!!(The guards shove Garron and Unstoffe against the rock wall - and the Doctor, disguised in guard's clothing, sticks his dog whistle through the helmet slit into his mouth and blows.)
SHOLAKH: As a firing squad, fall in!
GARRON: Unstoffe, my son.
UNSTOFFE: what?
GARRON: I was going to make a touching speech, but my throat is too dry.(At that moment, a Shrivenzale enters the cavern, heading straight for the group!!)
SHOLAKH: STAND FAST!! ATTACK THE BEAST!!!
16: INT. ANOTHER CAVERN
(Romana kneels by K-9, who's combing the area with his scanners.)
ROMANA: Can you locate it, K-9?
(K-9 wags his ears.)
K-9: Position determined, Mistress. This way.
(K-9 starts moving forward. Romana smiles as she follows.)
ROMANA: There's a good computer.
17: INT. CRYPT
(The Captain's men pause in their cannon-loading work as sounds of the battle reach them.)
SHRIEVE: I can hear firing!
CAPTAIN: Get back, then! Take cover!!(The guards move away from the cannon.)
CAPTAIN: I'll close the catacombs...forever.
(The Captain grabs a candle and uses it to light the fuse...)
(BOOOMMMM!!!)
18: INT. CATACOMBS
(The effect is immediate and devastating. The entire passage collapses in a wave of rock.)
19: INT. CAVERN
SHOLAKH: BACK, HIGHNESS!! BACK!!!
(Everyone jumps for cover, screaming as rocks and boulders fall upon them. Most of the guards are crushed by the rocks. As the dust settles...)
SHOLAKH: No...no, Highness...leave me...I'm...I'm done...
(Sholakh has been pinned down by the rocks as well. Miraculously, the Seeker, it seems, has escaped injury.)
GRAFF: Not you, Sholakh! Never!!
SHOLAKH: My guts...are...flat...
GRAFF: Look, I'll get you out!! You'll be all right!
SHOLAKH: The jethrik, highness...take the jethrik.(The Graff shouts to the Seeker.)
GRAFF: HERE, YOU HELP ME WITH MY GENERAL!!
(The Seeker gets up and waves her bones around.)
SEEKER: Too late. He is dead.
(And so he is, even as the Graff worms the jethrik out from under the rocks. The Graff looks wildly at the sole remaining guard.)
GRAFF: LEAVE US!!!
(They do. The Graff looks down at his fallen confidant and friend. He closes Sholakh's open eyes with a shaking hand.)
GRAFF: I'll avenge you, Sholakh. I'll bombard this stinking planet till it's nothing but a smoking HOLE in space!!!!
(He kisses Sholakh once. Then he hefts the jethrik and walks out into the catacombs. On the other side of the cavern, Garron and Unstoffe are trapped by rock.)
UNSTOFFE: (coughing) Come on now, Garron.
GARRON: (coughing) Oh, I'm dead already.
UNSTOFFE: Get up.(They try, but just can't do it.)
GARRON: Oh, such lousy shots - they got me in the foot.
UNSTOFFE: You weren't shot - the roof just fell in.
GARRON: So we're buried alive. Oh Unstoffe, I don't like the options we're getting.(Unstoffe claps Garron's shoulder.)
UNSTOFFE: Shh. Listen...
(On the other side of the boulders...)
ROMANA: Listen, K-9! There's somebody behind there! Hello, can you hear me?
(A tapping noise.)
ROMANA: There is someone! Help me move this rock, K-9!
(She strains at it.)
ROMANA: Oh, it's no good. It won't budge. Can you do anything to help, K-9?
K-9: Affirmative. Please stand clear, Mistress.(Romana takes a few steps back. K-9 incinerates the offending boulders with his nose laser, freeing Unstoffe and Garron.)
GARRON: Oh, my dear, ha ha! Oh, there you are!! I've been looking for you everywhere! You...ahem...dropped this.
(He hands her the wand as she helps them over the melted boulders.)
ROMANA: Into your hand, yes. Let's go, shall we?
20: INT. CATACOMBS
(The Graff has joined the guard and the Seeker at the half-buried catacombs, wielding a staff in hand.)
GRAFF: I'm going to blow up these caves behind us.
SEEKER: (shocked) What are you doing, alien? The Ice Gods...
GRAFF: SILENCE!!! These caves will not shelter your scum from my missiles. Now, you made a prophecy, old woman - what was it?
SEEKER: "All but one doomed to die. Thus written."(The Graff sticks his staff in the old woman's face)
GRAFF: THEN DIE NOW!!
(He fires, at point blank range. The guard starts to move as the corpse crashes down, and the Graff spins the staff to face him. The Graff laughs nervously, and puts his staff away.)
GRAFF: No, not you soldier. I have a far more honourable purpose for you. So you're the last of my guards, eh? The last of my Levithian invincibles. All the rest are dead, even Sholakh. (catches his breath) Were you with me on Skaan, soldier?
GUARD: (with the unmistakable voice of the Doctor) No, sir.
GRAFF: So many battles: Skaan, the freighter's labyrinth, Krestus Minor - now THERE was a fight! I remember Sholakh planting my standard in the very heart of the Krestan general! So many battles...so many years...but over now.(He's clearly losing it.)
GRAFF: All but one of us doomed to die, soldier. Thus...has it been written.
(He pulls out a small grey box. He sets some controls, and it starts beeping. He hands it over to the Doctor-guard.)
GRAFF: There is no greater honour, soldier, then to surrender your life in the service of the Graff Vynda-K.
(He hugs the Doctor tightly, then turns to walk up the passage. He pauses, looking at the guard one last time.)
GRAFF: All but one of us...
(He becomes aware of the noises, from outside and above. Horses whinnying. People shouting. Or is he imagining it?)
GRAFF: Sholakh...SHOLAKH...SHOLAKH!!!! TO ME, TO ME!!!! CHARGE!!!! ONWARDS!!!! ONWARDS!!!!
(He continues through the half-destroyed passage, screaming and raving, accompanied only by delusions and ghosts.)
DOCTOR: 3...2...1.
(BOOOOMM!!!)
(Graff Vynda-K blows apart off-screen. The Doctor bows his head (which makes his helmet fall off). He sighs and lifts what's in his hand - not the bomb the Graff gave him, but the glowing blue jethrik - the first segment of the Key to Time.)
21: EXT. CASTLE FOYER - SOON THEREAFTER
(The Doctor, now in his (ab)normal regalia, is on his way to the TARDIS with Romana and K-9 in tow. Garron and Unstoffe (his shot arm in a sling) follow to see them off.)
DOCTOR: 4 o'clock and all's well. Goodbye, Garron!
GARRON: Doctor...
DOCTOR: Yes?
GARRON: Doctor, I...I still don't understand.
DOCTOR: What don't you understand, Garron? Go on, ask me something. What is it don't you understand? Who came first, the chicken or the egg? Go on, ask me something, ask me something.
GARRON: (laughs) Look, how did you manage to switch the jethrik for the thermite pack without the Graff noticing?
DOCTOR: Garron...I would've thought you'd have known that.(He waves his hands around.)
DOCTOR: Sleight of hand!
(The two laugh again.)
GARRON: Oh.
DOCTOR: I was trained by Mescaline.
ROMANA: (cool) Quite clever, really.(The Doctor's mood deflates instantly.)
DOCTOR: I do dislike faint praise. It was astoundingly clever, wasn't it Garron?
GARRON: Indeed it was, Doctor. Oh, Doctor...?
DOCTOR: Yes?
GARRON: A favour to beg. You think I might just...handle the jethrik once more? Please? For old time's sake, you know?(Romana's look says "Don't trust him." The Doctor digs around in his pocket anyway, and hands it to him.)
GARRON: Oh, it's lovely, isn't it? I'm so reluctant to part with it...oh, dear me.
(He hands it back.)
GARRON: Oh well, there you are Doctor. Thank you very much.
(They hug.)
DOCTOR: Goodbye, Garron.
GARRON: Oh, goodbye Doctor.
DOCTOR: (laughs, to Unstoffe) What's your name?
UNSTOFFE: Unstoffe.
DOCTOR: Goodbye, Unstoffe.
UNSTOFFE: Goodbye, Doctor.(The Doctor breaks the hug and goes into the TARDIS. Romana starts to follow.)
K-9: Mistress!!
(The little dog is rolling up to the TARDIS as fast as he can.)
ROMANA: Come along, K-9. (to the two thieves) Goodbye.
GARRON and UNSTOFFE: Goodbye.(K-9 finally makes it in, and Romana shuts the door.)
UNSTOFFE: I think, Garron, we HAVE to go straight now.
(Garron puts an arm around him.)
GARRON: Oh, come, my boy. Don't be downhearted, eh? We haven't done too badly.
UNSTOFFE: Haven't done too badly? W-we've lost the jethrik, and we've come out of this without a penny.
GARRON: Oh, don't forget that there's a Graff ship - stuffed with 18 years of loot.(Unstoffe brightens up immediately.)
UNSTOFFE: You crafty old...
(A moaning and wheezing sound interrupts him. Both pairs of eyes turn to the TARDIS, which does its famous disappearing act before them.)
UNSTOFFE: That's a queer take-off.
GARRON: Well, thank goodness he's gone. I was afraid he'd notice.
UNSTOFFE: Notice what?
GARRON: We haven't lost the jethrik. I switched it for a piece of ordinary stone.(They laugh.)
GARRON: Yeah, I did! Look!
(He pulls it out from his pocket - a piece of ordinary stone. Shaking, he squeezes Unstoffe's hurt shoulder painfully.)
GARRON: He switched it back again!! Oh, Unstoffe...is there NOBODY you can trust these days?
22: INT. TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM
(Romana gingerly places the glowing blue jethrik on a table. Slowly, carefully, the Doctor prepares to touch the jethrik with the tip of the Key wand.)
DOCTOR: Would you like to do it? Here.
(He hands her the wand.)
ROMANA: Well...perhaps you'd better do it, Doctor.
(She hands it back.)
DOCTOR: All right...no, you do it. Go on, you do it. I'll just stand here and watch.
(He hands it to her again.)
ROMANA: (cringes) Right...
(She slowly lowers the wand...the tip touches the jethrik...the jethrik begins to glow and hum...and presto!! An irregular crystal block now replaces the jethrik on the table. Romana sighs and picks it up.)
DOCTOR: The first segment.
(He takes it.)
DOCTOR: Simple, wasn't it? Only five more to go.
Cue Doctor Who theme playing over energy whirlpool.
Doctor Who
TOM BAKER
Romana
MARY TAMM
Garron
IAIN CUTHBERTSON
Unstoffe
NIGEL PLASKITT
Graff Vynda-K
PAUL SEED
Sholakh
ROBERT KEEGAN
Binro
TIMOTHY BATESON
The Seeker
ANN TIRARD
Captain
PRENTIS HANCOCK
Guard
OLIVER MAGUIRE
Voice of K-9
JOHN LEESON
Incidental Music
DUDLEY SIMPSON
Special Sound
DICK MILLS
Production Assistant
JANE SHIRLEY
Production Unit Manager
JOHN NATHAN-TURNER
Lighting
JIMMY PURDIE
Sound
RICHARD CHUBB
Visual Effects Designer
DAVE HAVARD
Electronic Effects Operator
DAVE CHAPMAN
Video Tape Editor
JOHN TURNER
Costume Designer
JUNE HUDSON
Make-Up Artist
CHRISTINE WALMESLEY-COTHAM
Script Editor
ANTHONY READ
Designer
KEN LEDSHAM
Producer
GRAHAM WILLIAMS
Director
GEORGE SPENTON-FOSTER
@ BBC MCMLXXVIII
Fade out...Transcribed by
Christopher G. "Nightowl" McElroy