The US Food & Drug Administration is warning consumers to make sure their cans of Celsius energy drink contain the expected liquid. This alert comes after vodka company High Noon issued a product recall upon noticing that a shared packaging supplier had mistakenly shipped them empty Celsius cans, which it proceeded to fill with its own beverages and bundle into Beach Variety vodka seltzer 12-packs. Two lots include cans that claim to contain not alcoholic drinks but 'Celsius Astro Vibe Energy Drink, Sparkling Blue Razz Edition'. The FDA advises to 'dispose of the [...] cans with the impacted lot codes' in a manner that does not involve 'consum[ing] the liquid'.
The Air Force Times reports on a $3,933,106 torch. A hand-held
torch left behind by a Luke Air Force Base maintenance worker tending
to an F-35 engine after a post-servicing tool inventory became
sucked into the jet's air intake during a test run on the ground.
'Abnormal noises' after power-down revealed the $14M Pratt & Whitney
engine's ingestion of the forgotten flashlight, which damaged the
aircraft's stage 2, 3, 5, and 6 rotors; fuel nozzle; bypass duct;
high-pressure compressor and turbine; and fan inlet variable vane.
Investigators blame, in part, automation-linked complacency, plus
the sheer number of checklists and 'difficulty in accessing the
correct ones'.
Four years ago, a family-run bakery in New Jersey allegedly served a
customer a stomach-upset-inducing eggplant sandwich rather than the
egg one he'd ordered. No, long-time Clipper Kip has not sent me a
stale story. Only a couple of mornings ago, that customer returned to
berate Baladna Bakery manager Mohammed Assad for the aubergine. Offers
of a refund or credit were met with knife stabs in the chest. Stepping
in to aid his brother earned co-owner Abed Assad a slash to the arm.
Abed returned to work yesterday with a bandaged arm while Mohammed
remains in hospital with serious injuries. Their assailant remains at
large.
Investigating the disappearance of senior monk Phra Thep Wachirapamok
from his Buddhist temple in Bangkok, Thai police found tens of
thousands of compromising images, still and moving, of him on the
mobile devices of female acquaintance Wilawan Emsawat. The central
investigation bureau's Jaroonkiat Pankaew described Emsawat's web of
activities as encompassing many respected monks, with 'a financial
trail [that] involves many temples' and lavish gifts therefrom. Thus
far, she has been charged with extortion, money laundering, and
receiving stolen goods. She has expressed guilt for 'falling in love
with' two monks and a religion professor, in relationships that netted
her a Mercedes-Benz SLK200 and millions of baht.
Sweeping investigations of monasteries are under way, while Phra
Wachirapamok might have fled to Laos. Meanwhile, among media responses
is an op-ed by Thai broadcaster PBS that thanks Emsawat, 35, for
helping expose the clergy's moral decay amid deference and privilege.
A Florida woman noticed roughly $100 in fraudulent charges appear
against her bank card after she visited a Tallahassee Chuck E. Cheese
children's-entertainment restaurant, so the police rocked up to the
relevant outlet to take the perpetrator into custody for felonious
credit-card fraud. This entailed handcuffing the chain's titular
giant-mouse mascot in front of several children. Reportedly, one
confused tyke asked 'Was he on the Epstein list?'
While police spokesperson Alicia Hill explained that, by resisting
arrest, credit-card thief Jermell Jones had scuppered officers' hopes
of an arrest outside public view, perhaps they could at least have
chosen better words than 'Chuck E, come with me, Chuck E'.
India's ![[IMG: diplomatic premises... NOT]](images/ambassholes.jpg)
police have arrested Harshvardhan Jain, 47, for masquerading
as an ambassador for multiple micronations, among them Westarctica and
Ladonia. After raiding the ersatz embassy facilities he operated from
a rental property near Delhi and seizing 12 counterfeit passports,
four cars with fake diplomatic number plates, and various forged
documents, they gathered further evidence that he had tricked people
into paying to obtain overseas appointments over nearly eight years,
with the aid of doctored photos of himself with world leaders and fake
stamps/seals from around 35 countries.
The Uttar Pradesh Special Task Force's Sushil Ghule does expect
knotty problems stemming from legal lacunae in official communication
with the largely notional micronations that Jain claimed to represent.
In response to two State Board of Education members' complaints about
naked women cavorting about on his office television during a closed
meeting held there on sensitive issues such as teacher licences,
Oklahoma superintendent of schools Ryan Walters cited a politically
motivated 'Most Absurd, False, and Gutter Attack from a Desperate
Failing Establishment', stated that he was unaware of what the screen
showed 'during the alleged incident' and denied 'any suggestion that a
device of mine was used to stream inappropriate content'. Also, he
did turn off the TV as soon as board member Becky Carson, having
ascertained that she was witnessing not tan bodysuits but nipples and
public hair, demanded 'Turn it off now!' The state senate and the
Oklahoma County Sheriff's Office are investigating nonetheless.
While the embattled Walters faces lawsuits related to other matters,
such as open-meeting laws, he has fired off a few of his own - e.g.,
one reasserting his mandate that schools teach directly from the Bible.
When ![[IMG: dairy salvage kid]](images/dairy.jpg)
a traffic light in Tilburg turned green, six rolling crates
escaped from the rear of a dairy lorry from a large supermarket
chain in the Netherlands. Newspaper Omroep Brabant states that
light rain began turning the busy junction into a slippery yoghurt,
pudding, and milk soup, whereupon the frustrated driver, unable to
clean up on his own, shouted to onlookers to 'Just take some with
you!'. This prompted dozens of locals to start gathering up cartons of
milk, dessert cups, and butter packs. As others joined the salvage
effort with crates, bin liners, and carrier bags, the police stepped
in to clear the area, which had become 'ankle-deep in custard'. Some
hours later, 'the last traces of dairy were scraped from the asphalt'.
Honourable mentions in the truck-spillympics go to a sticky-sweet
roadway in ![[IMG: wieners on the road]](images/little_doggies.jpg)
Washington, where crushed cherries and the remains of a
truck had to be dealt with, and to a lorry that rolled onto its side
in New York's Columbia County, shedding its load of milk and
necessitating a multi-agency clean-up operation. There is also a
minty-fresh stretch of road in North Carolina where the Asheboro
Police Department found that toothpaste mixed with sawdust spread to
facilitate clean-up 'may smell good but it sure is slippery'.
Finally, the frozen wieners that spilled out of a mechanically
challenged trailer scraping along a concrete divider in Pennsylvania
after it ripped itself open were 'pretty warm' when they hit the road,
according to Shrewsbury Fire Company Chief Brad Dauberman, who
continued 'I can tell you personally, hot dogs are very slippery; I
did not know that'. A front-end loader scooped up the slimy highway
sausages during morning rush hour.
In 'another desperate plea to stop hiding animals in weird places on your body before airport security', the USA's Transportation Security Administration has reported on a Florida woman who elected not to follow the rule that small pets must be carried openly through security checkpoints rather than tucked out of view. Imaging technology at Miami International Airport pointed to anomalies in her chest area, whereupon the passenger removed two turtles from 'the alarming area'. Only one of the reptiles fished from her brassiere survived its ordeal.
After Timothy Garlington died, his parents, in Pennsylvania, asked the
funeral home where he'd lived, in Georgia, to ship his remains to their
local funeral parlour and also to ship Garlington's belongings for
them to collect. Among the latter were a white box in which rested an
unlabelled locked red box that - by its aromas and ooze - ultimately
revealed itself to contain some of the former: Garlington's brain.
In a lawsuit against both funeral homes, the deceased's father
argues that the brain and body should not have been separated, boxes
of this nature ought to be labelled in any case, and body parts should
never get intermingled with the deceased's belongings. Furthermore,
he stresses that the fluid leaking into his car mars his memories of
his son and required him to get rid of the vehicle.
An accident report states that Alaska's Eugene Peltola, husband of former US Representative Mary Peltola, died partly because he had too much moose meat. A 'hefty meat cargo' rendered the small plane he was piloting overweight when it took off from the Yukon Delta National Wildlife Refuge airstrip. The recently published safety report concludes that the 225 kg of meat, in combination with winds and the parasitic drag from the antlers strapped to the right wing of Peltola's Piper PA 18-150 Super Cub brought it down in the mountains near St. Mary's, in south-west Alaska.
Central ![[IMG: the dressing-gown dressing-down]](images/dressing_gown_dressing_down.png)
London's St Andrew's Church suddenly went dark while the City
Academy Voices choir was performing there. In what some members of
the audience of 300 initially thought to be part of the event, Bishop
of Fulham Jonathan Baker took the microphone and declared the concert
over. Clad in his dressing gown, the barefoot bishop gave the musicians
a dressing down for making a 'terrible racket' in his Holborn home.
After one more piece, an a cappella version of ABBA's 'Dancing
Queen', the choir retired from view until acknowledging the formal
apology that followed. In it, Baker stated that, when demanding that
the event end at 10pm, he'd been unaware that the booking was valid
until 11pm. He added 'You have been, and continue to be, welcome.'