Tallinn Crap Beer Festival

[IMG: contact address for tcrbf at asdf.org]

Intoxative summary

The Tallinn Crap Beer Festival has traditionally appeared near the thirsty queue for the Tallinn Craft Beer Weekend on Saturday afternoon.

[IMG: PET cap]
What is TCrBF? An overview is below...

Our Crap photo gallery
– including pics from 2025 back to the big bang

TCrBF 2025 updates

16 June 2025

Buuurrrrrp
A few pictures are up now.

Survivors' Day - 16 June 2025

We did it! Suckcess!

Together, we had another wretched year's wretched beer.

Though the event could be summed up by this review of our lovely PETful of Pramia lager on Untappd:
“This is it”,
cans of a Do Good chemical concoction (at left below) were the clear loser. By raising their ~~glasses~~, the crowd (at right below) cast their votes to cast it into Hell. But there was plenty of other liquid (such as Herra Teeponen's Modelo Chelada and some Swedish power juice) to entertain the masses.

• Thanks to all who contributed, showed up (even if unable to attend the after-party indoors), and were part of TCrBF 2025!
• As always, photos, social-media reports, etc. are welcome - please send them our way.
• Until next time!

Friday the 13th, June 2025

Every year, we've been there
to quench your thirst for masochism.

Same procedure as last year...
Same procedure as every year.

... We'll be there. See you on SaTURDay.

[IMG: DECAYED / DECADE
banner]

10 June 2025

Yes, it's that bunch of glassholes again.

Shee you on Shatterday.

29 May 2025

[IMG:Bucket in courtyard awaiting They're wearing black hats, and they're itching to unholster mayhem.
Yes, the Mocne gang are in town!
Whether they let loose with both barrels (of ethanol)
or lasso you for death by strongulation,
you can guess what's in store.

But just in case not, here are comments by denizens of Ratebeer (RIP)
about some of the beauties we've pulled out of those hats:

“At finish it tastes like raw fish.”
“This is propriate beer for geting drunk fast at the low cost...”

And tasting notes from someone in Britain:
“What a thing it is. Awful. The smell is like a freshly cleaned toilet cubicle at Center Parcs. The taste is initially bland, but then gives way to white cider style burn, 'after vomit', and appl[e]y, chemically tartness. Finish is better, but still bad. This really is quite, quite bad, and that's coming from someone who will virtually drink any effing lager.”

The review concludes “Worth seeking out.”
This guy understands.

28 April 2025

There Must Be 50 Ways To Leave Your Liver
We have the first few covered*...

The following beauties have already docked in the Fridge of Cringe:


Name                            Boost  Dosage          Notes

Abro  Sju Komma Tvaan           7.2%   500 ml can
Abro  Kung ('Strong')           5.2%   500 ml can
Three Hearts [X] Strong         7.5%   500 ml can      cooked up by Kronleins
Crocodile Original              5.2%   500 ml can      cocked up by Kronleins
Arboga  Extra Stark            10.2%   500 ml can      Argh!, by Three Towns
Pripps  Bla                     6.8%   500 ml can      stronger than before!
Karhu A                         5.3%   330 ml can      vintage - well aged
Pramia  Lager                   4.5%   750 ml PET
Zhiguli  Barnoe                 4.9%   450 ml bottle   liquid of death

* Some restrictions may apply. aVoid where prohibited by flaw. The organisers reserve the right to be wrong. Side effects may include nausea, lightheadedness, depression, and euphoria. The organizers are not responsible ~~for...~~.

2 April 2025

Ahoy there!

The spring winds have already brought a few alcohol-carrying vessels into harbour.
Captain Crap invites you to complete the fleet.

Most of these arrivals are from Scandy shores (aligned with the theme 'Meanwhile in Sweden').
So our plan is to send a few dodgy drinks onto a sea of pollutant-filled liquid and kill them with metaphorical fire.
Yes, it's the TCrBF version of a ship burial: a shit burial.

• This is what AI thinks we have in mind:

[IMG: Stable Diffusion 2.1 offered this or maybe

• But we trust your vision more.
Bring it on!

23 March 2025

•• Farewells... ••

A Key Krap Kontributor and supporter has now left us. As I write this, we look back over the years and remember.
This might be a fitting time also to bid farewell to TCrBF itself. We shall see.
No matter what, the concept has proved glorious, and the reality of all those fun horrid events – ever since a cable spool confused Delfi and prompted that guy to share his homebrew – will live on in our hearts. Even longer than each fun horrid can or bottle lived on in our farts.

But it's the people, each of our fellow weirdos, who has made TCrBF what it is. Thank you all! And remember Kairi.

27 August 2024

Autumn is here –
the season for shaking the branches
and seeing what fruits fall onto our heads.

We already have a very ripe one waiting for you:
this 2017 vintage beauty will be aged to perfection when TCrBF 2025 rolls around:

Also, we'll take this opportunity to thank you for your support.
We wouldn't want to be alone in the asylum.

Older updates

Archived updates from the last festival can be found here...

- - -

Overview

[IMG: Prosenttimies logo] You might think that the whole idea of TCrBF is nonsense - and you may be right. It might be a refreshing oasis for the stomach or beer scene, or it might be just a mirage. Either way, you blink and then it's gone.

As with everything in life, there are two sides to every story, and that includes beer. TCrBF is that other side. TCrBF is those memories about beer that you've forgotten you even had. TCrBF is the wide-eyed view of the world that was accepting of all, without prejudice. TCrBF is you.

Any opinions expressed on this page are opinions. And any resemblance to real facts or events is purely coincidental.